Enforcing the Enforcer

You know what? A lot has happened since the last post.

I have been alright again. I just hope the problem won't resurface because I can't deal with it anymore. But like any other day, new problems come. One in particular, is particularly hurtful. I'll talk about it later.

Right now, I'm celebrating. Celebrating not being depressed anymore. Celebrating real responsibilities. Celebrating life. Celebrating myself. And although I'm still in that draught, I've figured out how to survive in here. Slowly.

There are times in life where things happen gradually. Like growing up, or making friends, or getting better job positions. These are the times in life where you can't exactly pinpoint to an exact time or place and say, "This is the point I grew up." No, it doesn't work that way. That's why life's so damn long yet so damn short.

But there are times you can pinpoint exactly where things changed. And for me one of the most hurtful thing is the time I can pinpoint exactly the time and place I lost a friend. The point where I know whether that friend is a friend or is simply another acquaintance. The point past forgive and forget. So it happened. That was when I realised.

But then, for me, when friendship has past, when someone is not a friend anymore, the only thing justifying you and them is whether we are human. What type of person we are. Why? Because if we used to trust because we're friends, now we have to trust because they are persons. Because you know, only real persons, when you are not friends anymore, would still keep your secrets. We're not talking small secrets and white lies. We're talking secrets that might ruin you. The dirtiest ones. And since secrets are shared, it should only be sensible that we keep theirs in exchange for ours. Right? Or maybe this is the case of prisoners' dilemma? Should it be in both our interests to spill these secrets? I sure hope not.

So here's to me trusting the world is a better place than I think it is. Because for me, the prisoners' dilemma makes so much sense, I wonder why everyone is not doing it. They don't do it because there's an enforcer. That is the only thing to keep it from happening. And if that enforcer is not in the form of another person, or thing, I know deep inside us there is always an enforcer, weak or strong. At a certain point, even wrongdoers would know what is too wrong to be done. So the enforcer works. And I hope, for all our sakes, and the world's sake, that the enforcer will always remain there, in our hearts, in our heads. For the day it's not there anymore, is the day we'll watch the world burn to the ground.

I also pray and hope that for always, there would be an enforcer inside me. Something that would save me from burning the world down. Something that would take pity even in my enemies, to a certain degree. Glad to say it's still there, not strong, but still there. Let prisoners' dilemma belong to prisoner only. No matter what my lecturer say.

Here's wishing we'll all keep on laughing.


LoVe~
MzP<3>