I woke up from my nap, looked in the mirror, and see the word 'frustration' imprinted perfectly on my chin. Literally. That is so cool. Of all the words to appear on my chin.
Well, naturally, if I see 'frustration' in the mirror, it'd be upside down when you look at it directly.
It was me. But not really.
It was business law class today. Where we learned about business contracts law. And guess what's the term for the contract ending when no one's at fault?
That's right: Frustration.
So me being me, got bored, and wrote 'frustration' artistically at the back of my hand. I mean, it's such a cool word. Seems like I have a problem or something. (Which I assure you, I don't. At least not the kind where I'd feel 'frustrated').
And then, voila! Woke up with it on my chin. Coolness.
You know what? I'm pretty surprised that most visitors to my blog are from Australia. Like, wow. At first I thought it was pretty much the same person, I'm actually right, but, not really. Some of them are new. But I realise I do have someone following me from Melbourne. And one in Adelaide? I wonder who.
Don't worry, I've got people from Malaysia as well. All from the KL area.
Then there's the US. Someone from California...
Hey, come again!
Hungry. Food.
Gosh, my blog has been so boring lately. Even I realised that.
You know what? I'll just take a short hiatus from this. Maybe when I'm itching to write, will be when the ideas come again.
And then you'd enjoy it all over again.
So, a temporary goodbye... for now.
Muah. Mwah. Muax.
Love you guys.
LoVe~
MzP<3
28 October 2008
27 October 2008
Xuxa
I'm not all peaches and cream you know.
I do have a darker side.
And believe me, you don't wanna know about it.
I do have a darker side.
And believe me, you don't wanna know about it.
That was what the devil said in Bedazzled. And somehow, that is true for me too. I've been writing in this blog for 2 years now. And I think it's time.
Yes, me, the girl in pink, the little one, have a darker side. And trust me, it's real dark.
It's time to introduce you to her. My darker side. My alter ego.
Yes, me, the girl in pink, the little one, have a darker side. And trust me, it's real dark.
It's time to introduce you to her. My darker side. My alter ego.
Her name is Xuxa.
The name itself is all that.
The female version of Xerxes.
Xuxa is the evil part of me.
The part that loves black.
And gray.
And blood red.
Xuxa rarely speaks.
She's the part of me that loves vampires.
That loves to witness things gory.
That not only stands the sight of blood.
But also loves it.
Craves for it.
Xuxa would be the one betraying you.
She would do things bad.
And she'll glory in it.
Leaving me to pick up some pieces.
But she delights in it.
And loves it.
And won't stop if I let her.
Xuxa wants to take over the world.
In that way.
She's a damn good liar.
And she cheats.
And she'll make you bow down low.
Xuxa doesn't love, she lusts.
In fact, she doesn't believe in love.
Xuxa is smart.
Loves revenge.
And would screw you over if she wants to.
Xuxa's favourite songs are the screaming ones.
Xuxa loves disturbing images.
Xuxa would decorate the room black if I let her.
Xuxa doesn't know regret.
She's alone.
Her 'friends' are just followers.
And she likes it that way.
Xuxa is the reason for my bad boys.
She can't stand good boys.
She hates commitment.
And she doesn't believe in fidelity.
Xuxa doesn't think much of men.
She can live without them.
They're just her toys.
Xuxa hates people.
Can't stand them.
Xuxa's stares could kill.
She knows people who could do damage to you.
And she's not afraid to use it.
And she'll be smart enough to hide it.
Xuxa rebels.
And she breaks the rules.
But she studies them before she does.
Xuxa scares me sometimes.
But she lays dormant.
Waiting for times to be released.
And reasons.
Then there are times she comes out.
Without warning.
Intertwining with me.
But never fully out.
Xuxa knows things.
Her intuition is great.
But she still listens to me.
And she stays in me.
She'll never go away.
Because Xuxa is me in a way.
And that'll never change.
The name itself is all that.
The female version of Xerxes.
Xuxa is the evil part of me.
The part that loves black.
And gray.
And blood red.
Xuxa rarely speaks.
She's the part of me that loves vampires.
That loves to witness things gory.
That not only stands the sight of blood.
But also loves it.
Craves for it.
Xuxa would be the one betraying you.
She would do things bad.
And she'll glory in it.
Leaving me to pick up some pieces.
But she delights in it.
And loves it.
And won't stop if I let her.
Xuxa wants to take over the world.
In that way.
She's a damn good liar.
And she cheats.
And she'll make you bow down low.
Xuxa doesn't love, she lusts.
In fact, she doesn't believe in love.
Xuxa is smart.
Loves revenge.
And would screw you over if she wants to.
Xuxa's favourite songs are the screaming ones.
Xuxa loves disturbing images.
Xuxa would decorate the room black if I let her.
Xuxa doesn't know regret.
She's alone.
Her 'friends' are just followers.
And she likes it that way.
Xuxa is the reason for my bad boys.
She can't stand good boys.
She hates commitment.
And she doesn't believe in fidelity.
Xuxa doesn't think much of men.
She can live without them.
They're just her toys.
Xuxa hates people.
Can't stand them.
Xuxa's stares could kill.
She knows people who could do damage to you.
And she's not afraid to use it.
And she'll be smart enough to hide it.
Xuxa rebels.
And she breaks the rules.
But she studies them before she does.
Xuxa scares me sometimes.
But she lays dormant.
Waiting for times to be released.
And reasons.
Then there are times she comes out.
Without warning.
Intertwining with me.
But never fully out.
Xuxa knows things.
Her intuition is great.
But she still listens to me.
And she stays in me.
She'll never go away.
Because Xuxa is me in a way.
And that'll never change.
Yes, she sounds bad, but that's just the way she is. Xuxa is also the strength in me in situations I can't handle otherwise. She comes out when my mind is blank with rage. She comes out when one person hurts me. She comes out when I can't deal with it anymore. And she will.
You see, I can't and won't get rid of her. I admire her, in a way. But she's always under control. I've never let her fully out. Because although it's exhilirating to be her for one day, it'll do damage beyond my wildest imaginations.
We all know the magnitude of damage she is capable of. So yes, know her. Be aware of her. Because she is there. And she exists.
Warn me if I let her out too much. Her power could be addictive.
So now you know Xuxa. Pleasure knowing her huh? At least you know now that I do have a darker side. And that with Xuxa, what I am capable of.
LoVe~
MzP<3
You see, I can't and won't get rid of her. I admire her, in a way. But she's always under control. I've never let her fully out. Because although it's exhilirating to be her for one day, it'll do damage beyond my wildest imaginations.
We all know the magnitude of damage she is capable of. So yes, know her. Be aware of her. Because she is there. And she exists.
Warn me if I let her out too much. Her power could be addictive.
So now you know Xuxa. Pleasure knowing her huh? At least you know now that I do have a darker side. And that with Xuxa, what I am capable of.
LoVe~
MzP<3
-XuXa-
Enforcing the Enforcer
You know what? A lot has happened since the last post.
I have been alright again. I just hope the problem won't resurface because I can't deal with it anymore. But like any other day, new problems come. One in particular, is particularly hurtful. I'll talk about it later.
Right now, I'm celebrating. Celebrating not being depressed anymore. Celebrating real responsibilities. Celebrating life. Celebrating myself. And although I'm still in that draught, I've figured out how to survive in here. Slowly.
There are times in life where things happen gradually. Like growing up, or making friends, or getting better job positions. These are the times in life where you can't exactly pinpoint to an exact time or place and say, "This is the point I grew up." No, it doesn't work that way. That's why life's so damn long yet so damn short.
But there are times you can pinpoint exactly where things changed. And for me one of the most hurtful thing is the time I can pinpoint exactly the time and place I lost a friend. The point where I know whether that friend is a friend or is simply another acquaintance. The point past forgive and forget. So it happened. That was when I realised.
But then, for me, when friendship has past, when someone is not a friend anymore, the only thing justifying you and them is whether we are human. What type of person we are. Why? Because if we used to trust because we're friends, now we have to trust because they are persons. Because you know, only real persons, when you are not friends anymore, would still keep your secrets. We're not talking small secrets and white lies. We're talking secrets that might ruin you. The dirtiest ones. And since secrets are shared, it should only be sensible that we keep theirs in exchange for ours. Right? Or maybe this is the case of prisoners' dilemma? Should it be in both our interests to spill these secrets? I sure hope not.
So here's to me trusting the world is a better place than I think it is. Because for me, the prisoners' dilemma makes so much sense, I wonder why everyone is not doing it. They don't do it because there's an enforcer. That is the only thing to keep it from happening. And if that enforcer is not in the form of another person, or thing, I know deep inside us there is always an enforcer, weak or strong. At a certain point, even wrongdoers would know what is too wrong to be done. So the enforcer works. And I hope, for all our sakes, and the world's sake, that the enforcer will always remain there, in our hearts, in our heads. For the day it's not there anymore, is the day we'll watch the world burn to the ground.
I also pray and hope that for always, there would be an enforcer inside me. Something that would save me from burning the world down. Something that would take pity even in my enemies, to a certain degree. Glad to say it's still there, not strong, but still there. Let prisoners' dilemma belong to prisoner only. No matter what my lecturer say.
Here's wishing we'll all keep on laughing.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
I have been alright again. I just hope the problem won't resurface because I can't deal with it anymore. But like any other day, new problems come. One in particular, is particularly hurtful. I'll talk about it later.
Right now, I'm celebrating. Celebrating not being depressed anymore. Celebrating real responsibilities. Celebrating life. Celebrating myself. And although I'm still in that draught, I've figured out how to survive in here. Slowly.
There are times in life where things happen gradually. Like growing up, or making friends, or getting better job positions. These are the times in life where you can't exactly pinpoint to an exact time or place and say, "This is the point I grew up." No, it doesn't work that way. That's why life's so damn long yet so damn short.
But there are times you can pinpoint exactly where things changed. And for me one of the most hurtful thing is the time I can pinpoint exactly the time and place I lost a friend. The point where I know whether that friend is a friend or is simply another acquaintance. The point past forgive and forget. So it happened. That was when I realised.
But then, for me, when friendship has past, when someone is not a friend anymore, the only thing justifying you and them is whether we are human. What type of person we are. Why? Because if we used to trust because we're friends, now we have to trust because they are persons. Because you know, only real persons, when you are not friends anymore, would still keep your secrets. We're not talking small secrets and white lies. We're talking secrets that might ruin you. The dirtiest ones. And since secrets are shared, it should only be sensible that we keep theirs in exchange for ours. Right? Or maybe this is the case of prisoners' dilemma? Should it be in both our interests to spill these secrets? I sure hope not.
So here's to me trusting the world is a better place than I think it is. Because for me, the prisoners' dilemma makes so much sense, I wonder why everyone is not doing it. They don't do it because there's an enforcer. That is the only thing to keep it from happening. And if that enforcer is not in the form of another person, or thing, I know deep inside us there is always an enforcer, weak or strong. At a certain point, even wrongdoers would know what is too wrong to be done. So the enforcer works. And I hope, for all our sakes, and the world's sake, that the enforcer will always remain there, in our hearts, in our heads. For the day it's not there anymore, is the day we'll watch the world burn to the ground.
I also pray and hope that for always, there would be an enforcer inside me. Something that would save me from burning the world down. Something that would take pity even in my enemies, to a certain degree. Glad to say it's still there, not strong, but still there. Let prisoners' dilemma belong to prisoner only. No matter what my lecturer say.
Here's wishing we'll all keep on laughing.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
24 October 2008
Another One
I've been speed limited. Again! It's all those series downloads. Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Weeds... Well, you name it.
Right now, the latest news is: I'm hungry! I want food. Good food.
And guess what? I have been a little bit disappointed with my cooking. It's so limited! And I keep on misspelling disappointed. Out of habit. Luckily for spell check.
I've actually been enjoying reading this particular blog: lifewithoutspaces.blogspot.com. The owner of the blog never really updated it so much, untill lately, where every time I open the blog. there' be 2 or 3 posts. It's his writing style, it's just so damn good (you know you made if you're mentioned in someone else's blog, huh?). OK, I know him, briefly. Read the blog, if you're looking for a good one, or just has nothing better to do. I'll just know you'd love it.
Oh, I'm broke, by the way. Yea, I know. It's the open house, actually. Otherwise, I have been not spending. So yea, surviving with 95 cents just seem so... I dunno... inconceivable. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did the open house. Just look at how many turned up! It was great.
Alright, right now, I'm just too hungry to even type anymore.
Getting food...
LoVe~
MzP<3
Right now, the latest news is: I'm hungry! I want food. Good food.
And guess what? I have been a little bit disappointed with my cooking. It's so limited! And I keep on misspelling disappointed. Out of habit. Luckily for spell check.
I've actually been enjoying reading this particular blog: lifewithoutspaces.blogspot.com. The owner of the blog never really updated it so much, untill lately, where every time I open the blog. there' be 2 or 3 posts. It's his writing style, it's just so damn good (you know you made if you're mentioned in someone else's blog, huh?). OK, I know him, briefly. Read the blog, if you're looking for a good one, or just has nothing better to do. I'll just know you'd love it.
Oh, I'm broke, by the way. Yea, I know. It's the open house, actually. Otherwise, I have been not spending. So yea, surviving with 95 cents just seem so... I dunno... inconceivable. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did the open house. Just look at how many turned up! It was great.
Alright, right now, I'm just too hungry to even type anymore.
Getting food...
LoVe~
MzP<3
22 October 2008
To Be Grateful For
I've been in such negative energy and mood lately. My past few posts has been a little bit on the negative side.
OK, I promise myself for this post, I'll try to be positive.
Lets see.
First of all, no matter how much things seem to suck right now. And how very useless I feel. And how pointless life seem to be, I have to focus on the good things. The things I should be grateful for, everyday of my life. And maybe by focusing on these things, I'd feel the world better.
I should be grateful for... my brain. It seems to function well. It seems good. I have an IQ of above average... plenty grateful for that. My physical - I still have both arms and both legs, and I'm able to walk and jump and dance. Lets see... Education. I'm very lucky to be able to get a high level of education, in a good university and even in a different country. I have parents who might not have given up on me yet. What else? I have friends. And they're there, I know, although they don't seem to be sometimes. And they care. I've got a boyfriend who loves me very much. And treats me right. I've got good sight. Maybe a little short sighted, but at least I'm not blind. Or colour blind for that matter (Imagine living life without colour.. now that sucks). I have music. I can listen to it. And I can play it. And that's always great.
I have time. I'm still young. It's still not to late to get what I want, how I want it. I've got faith. And I believe in my faith. I can write. Not many people have writing as an outlet. I thank God everyday that I have it when days seem especially hard. I have a past... and a future. I have memories. Some of the most beautiful things ever.
And I have LIFE itself. I'm still alive. And it's the best I've got. So why the hell am I complaining?
OK. Now. Whenever I forget about all the things I have, I'll refer back to this post. I'll remember.
Problems are temporary anyway. They come and they go. They might always be there. But they'll never control me.
LoVe~
MzP<3
OK, I promise myself for this post, I'll try to be positive.
Lets see.
First of all, no matter how much things seem to suck right now. And how very useless I feel. And how pointless life seem to be, I have to focus on the good things. The things I should be grateful for, everyday of my life. And maybe by focusing on these things, I'd feel the world better.
I should be grateful for... my brain. It seems to function well. It seems good. I have an IQ of above average... plenty grateful for that. My physical - I still have both arms and both legs, and I'm able to walk and jump and dance. Lets see... Education. I'm very lucky to be able to get a high level of education, in a good university and even in a different country. I have parents who might not have given up on me yet. What else? I have friends. And they're there, I know, although they don't seem to be sometimes. And they care. I've got a boyfriend who loves me very much. And treats me right. I've got good sight. Maybe a little short sighted, but at least I'm not blind. Or colour blind for that matter (Imagine living life without colour.. now that sucks). I have music. I can listen to it. And I can play it. And that's always great.
I have time. I'm still young. It's still not to late to get what I want, how I want it. I've got faith. And I believe in my faith. I can write. Not many people have writing as an outlet. I thank God everyday that I have it when days seem especially hard. I have a past... and a future. I have memories. Some of the most beautiful things ever.
And I have LIFE itself. I'm still alive. And it's the best I've got. So why the hell am I complaining?
OK. Now. Whenever I forget about all the things I have, I'll refer back to this post. I'll remember.
Problems are temporary anyway. They come and they go. They might always be there. But they'll never control me.
LoVe~
MzP<3
20 October 2008
Stupid Songs
I honestly don't feel too good right now.
The weekend was OK, despite certain events. The open house was good, not exactly great, but still good. Lots of things happened but it's not the right time or place to talk about it. Overall, it was fun. I'm glad we did it.
Had a few revelations during the weekend. Found out a few things. And it's not exactly a list I'm proud of. Not least: I need help. Yes, the stress is finally getting to me. It's taking its toll. I realised that I've hit an all time low. I tried to stay positive. I tried to be the best I could be. But I guess I'm still only human. You know?
Lets just forget about that for a moment. Lets do something fun. I'm going to write song lyrics, ones that mean something, or describe my situations or feelings right now. OK? Yay.
You were always the cold one, but I was never that sure.
I won't give up, and I won't break down. Sooner than it seems life turns around.
I'm just beginning, the pen in my hand. Ending unplanned.
I wanted to hold you, I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to know you, I wanted to be your everything.
Live your life with arms wide open.
My heart can't possibly break if it wasn't even whole to start with.
It's time to be brave. See I'm not afraid. Not anymore. I used to be cold, now the temperature's changed. It just ain't the same.
Because of you, I find it hard to trust, not only me but everyone around me.
No puedo dejame.
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life, because it's empty.
Me duele tanto.
Spread your wings and fly, butterfly.
You know what? This is stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Ignore.
LoVe~
MzP<3
The weekend was OK, despite certain events. The open house was good, not exactly great, but still good. Lots of things happened but it's not the right time or place to talk about it. Overall, it was fun. I'm glad we did it.
Had a few revelations during the weekend. Found out a few things. And it's not exactly a list I'm proud of. Not least: I need help. Yes, the stress is finally getting to me. It's taking its toll. I realised that I've hit an all time low. I tried to stay positive. I tried to be the best I could be. But I guess I'm still only human. You know?
Lets just forget about that for a moment. Lets do something fun. I'm going to write song lyrics, ones that mean something, or describe my situations or feelings right now. OK? Yay.
You were always the cold one, but I was never that sure.
I won't give up, and I won't break down. Sooner than it seems life turns around.
I'm just beginning, the pen in my hand. Ending unplanned.
I wanted to hold you, I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to know you, I wanted to be your everything.
Live your life with arms wide open.
My heart can't possibly break if it wasn't even whole to start with.
It's time to be brave. See I'm not afraid. Not anymore. I used to be cold, now the temperature's changed. It just ain't the same.
Because of you, I find it hard to trust, not only me but everyone around me.
No puedo dejame.
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life, because it's empty.
Me duele tanto.
Spread your wings and fly, butterfly.
You know what? This is stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Ignore.
LoVe~
MzP<3
16 October 2008
Draught of One World
Today, I felt so angry that my mind went blank.
Have you ever felt that kind of anger before? The kind where you just can't think anymore. The kind where all you want to do is scream bloody murder.
Thing is, I don't know really, who to direct the anger at. But I chose one person. Because the situation was actually under control until said person went and dug up the grave again.
First things first. YES, I have a new boyfriend. Get over it already. No, I'm not with 'that guy' anymore. And no, you don't need to know what happened. Seriously. What's the big deal?
STOP asking what happened to BF/exBF. Stop it. It's annoying. I mean, would've you have liked it if I asked you about your ex? And what happened beteween you guys?
And the thing that bothers me the most. STOP GOING TO MY MOM ABOUT IT!!! God, is it so hard for you to get a life and mind your own business? I mean, if you have a new BF or GF, do I actually ask your mom about it? Or talk to her about what you guys have been doing? No! Unless I purposely want to get you killed.
Which I now come to a conclusion. This person only did that to get me killed. She did it because she knows my mom doesn't like it. She knows it would trigger anger. God, what is this, jealousy? Or just one of those people who wants to watch the world burn?
Now, I am actually considering deleting my Facebook. It's not worth it anymore. They're abusing it. It's seriously not worth it. Seriously.
But. Deleting Facebook is not that simple. I mean, I just wrote my decision on FB, and guess what? President of MSA commented on how I'm the only social director. Oh no. I guess the decision is bigger than me now. What's the world coming to when you can't even delete your own social network page???
And then, I also thought of how if I want to delete my Facebook, I'd probably delete my blog as well, to get maximum effectiveness.
And then I think. OMG, I won't even exist in the cyber world anymore. Damn.
But then if existing in the cyber world could cause this much strife on my real world, then maybe I should. I mean, obviously, I would protect my real world more. Duh...
But then again, if my decisions on cyber world is going to affect me a lot in the real world, maybe I shouldn't. Like, if deleting FB is going to affect my job as a social director of MSA, maybe I shouldn't do it.
So tell me, guys.
You know what? I always wish I could trust more people. But I also have always understood people's actions the way they are. I always understand why some people betray me. I don't question if I get backstabbed. I usually just feel hurt, accept it an dmove on. No need contemplating it because if we cut off ties with everyone who hurt us, we would be very alone in this world indeed. And I also know that there are times that I hurt people too. It's just part and parcel of life. That we hurt each other. But we try our best, don't we? We do things we believe to be right. We have faith. We believe. We still trust. I do know most of us has the best intentions at heart. That most of us didn't mean to hurt anyone. That we wouldn't want to if given a choice. (OK, I might seem a little optimistic and naive, but bear with me). And then there are those other people. The other people who knows what they're doing hurts someone else and yet they do it. Time and time and time again. The people who are actually vicious enough to want to hurt other people. Who mean it. Those are the people I can't comprehend. In hurting and destroying other people, it doesn't give you anything. You don't gain. The temporary satisfaction is just that: temporary. Believe me, if you constantly do this, you need help. Mentally and emotionally. Like, right away.
Yes, I do know, though, that the existence of these people make up the colourful world we live in. I do know not to question things too much. But I still feel hurt. I know I should just endure it, though. It won't stop. It is, after all, a part of life.
But sometimes, just once or twice, I'd like to say something about it. And even if that could make even one person realise their mistake, I guess I made a difference in the world. If it could prevent another person from being hurt, that's good enough.
In the meantime, please say a little prayer for me. For I've just entered a draught. And it's going to last for a long, long time. And I'll be waiting for my small sip of water. It'll come, I know. Sooner or later.
LoVe~
MzP<3
Have you ever felt that kind of anger before? The kind where you just can't think anymore. The kind where all you want to do is scream bloody murder.
Thing is, I don't know really, who to direct the anger at. But I chose one person. Because the situation was actually under control until said person went and dug up the grave again.
First things first. YES, I have a new boyfriend. Get over it already. No, I'm not with 'that guy' anymore. And no, you don't need to know what happened. Seriously. What's the big deal?
STOP asking what happened to BF/exBF. Stop it. It's annoying. I mean, would've you have liked it if I asked you about your ex? And what happened beteween you guys?
And the thing that bothers me the most. STOP GOING TO MY MOM ABOUT IT!!! God, is it so hard for you to get a life and mind your own business? I mean, if you have a new BF or GF, do I actually ask your mom about it? Or talk to her about what you guys have been doing? No! Unless I purposely want to get you killed.
Which I now come to a conclusion. This person only did that to get me killed. She did it because she knows my mom doesn't like it. She knows it would trigger anger. God, what is this, jealousy? Or just one of those people who wants to watch the world burn?
Now, I am actually considering deleting my Facebook. It's not worth it anymore. They're abusing it. It's seriously not worth it. Seriously.
But. Deleting Facebook is not that simple. I mean, I just wrote my decision on FB, and guess what? President of MSA commented on how I'm the only social director. Oh no. I guess the decision is bigger than me now. What's the world coming to when you can't even delete your own social network page???
And then, I also thought of how if I want to delete my Facebook, I'd probably delete my blog as well, to get maximum effectiveness.
And then I think. OMG, I won't even exist in the cyber world anymore. Damn.
But then if existing in the cyber world could cause this much strife on my real world, then maybe I should. I mean, obviously, I would protect my real world more. Duh...
But then again, if my decisions on cyber world is going to affect me a lot in the real world, maybe I shouldn't. Like, if deleting FB is going to affect my job as a social director of MSA, maybe I shouldn't do it.
So tell me, guys.
You know what? I always wish I could trust more people. But I also have always understood people's actions the way they are. I always understand why some people betray me. I don't question if I get backstabbed. I usually just feel hurt, accept it an dmove on. No need contemplating it because if we cut off ties with everyone who hurt us, we would be very alone in this world indeed. And I also know that there are times that I hurt people too. It's just part and parcel of life. That we hurt each other. But we try our best, don't we? We do things we believe to be right. We have faith. We believe. We still trust. I do know most of us has the best intentions at heart. That most of us didn't mean to hurt anyone. That we wouldn't want to if given a choice. (OK, I might seem a little optimistic and naive, but bear with me). And then there are those other people. The other people who knows what they're doing hurts someone else and yet they do it. Time and time and time again. The people who are actually vicious enough to want to hurt other people. Who mean it. Those are the people I can't comprehend. In hurting and destroying other people, it doesn't give you anything. You don't gain. The temporary satisfaction is just that: temporary. Believe me, if you constantly do this, you need help. Mentally and emotionally. Like, right away.
Yes, I do know, though, that the existence of these people make up the colourful world we live in. I do know not to question things too much. But I still feel hurt. I know I should just endure it, though. It won't stop. It is, after all, a part of life.
But sometimes, just once or twice, I'd like to say something about it. And even if that could make even one person realise their mistake, I guess I made a difference in the world. If it could prevent another person from being hurt, that's good enough.
In the meantime, please say a little prayer for me. For I've just entered a draught. And it's going to last for a long, long time. And I'll be waiting for my small sip of water. It'll come, I know. Sooner or later.
LoVe~
MzP<3
15 October 2008
Raya Open House
I think we are freaking wayyy over our heads for this open house thing. I'm actually very excited about it. Looking forward to it.
But. When I wanted to make it big, I didn't actually mean this big. We're doing all the inviting on Facebook, and guess what? The invitation list is around 140 people. One hundred and freaking forty! Fine, I know very very well not all of them can make it. But even if a quarter of the list shows up, we'd have a full house.
And right now, there are 22 confirmed guests and 32 maybes. Maybe only half of the maybes will show up. So I'm guessing 30 guests. And it's just Tuesday. I mean, the event had only been up for 2 days. This is kind of scary. Because I don't know how to cook for 30. And then, I seriously don't think my cooking is all that good. I mean, nothing to shout about. There might just be 30 disappointed guests. Shoot.
But you know what is even more scarier about 50 people showing up? That will be if only 10 shows up. If we cook for 30. See the problem? I can't imagine if that happens. Loads of leftovers. The effort put in. OMG. That is so much worse.
I'm putting my hopes up that that won't happen.
So. YOU. If you say you're going to be there, you better be! Seriously. I won't friend you anymore if you do something like that.
Well. Wish me luck! This would be a really big thing. And I hope it works out well. Fatin said she has a good feeling about it. I hope so. All I want to do is feed these people.
OMG, I just remembered. The thing is going on the whole day, from 10am to 9pm. Oh my God. OK. That means, some people would actually stay for all 3 meals of the day! OK. That means I have to cook for more. It'll be OK I guess. I mean, it's OK if you want to do so. I'd actually take it more as a compliment. You know, the food must be good, and you must love our company so much to not leave. Hehe. Wish me luck!!!
I need lots of luck. Saying that, I can't wait! Yum! It's just so freaking exciting!
LoVe~
MzP<3
p.s. Mr. Ramli Maidin passed away today. He was a great principal. One of the best. And always, when I think of KYS, I'll think of him. Lets all say a prayer for him and keep him in our hearts. I know I say this for all Kysers when I say we love him.
But. When I wanted to make it big, I didn't actually mean this big. We're doing all the inviting on Facebook, and guess what? The invitation list is around 140 people. One hundred and freaking forty! Fine, I know very very well not all of them can make it. But even if a quarter of the list shows up, we'd have a full house.
And right now, there are 22 confirmed guests and 32 maybes. Maybe only half of the maybes will show up. So I'm guessing 30 guests. And it's just Tuesday. I mean, the event had only been up for 2 days. This is kind of scary. Because I don't know how to cook for 30. And then, I seriously don't think my cooking is all that good. I mean, nothing to shout about. There might just be 30 disappointed guests. Shoot.
But you know what is even more scarier about 50 people showing up? That will be if only 10 shows up. If we cook for 30. See the problem? I can't imagine if that happens. Loads of leftovers. The effort put in. OMG. That is so much worse.
I'm putting my hopes up that that won't happen.
So. YOU. If you say you're going to be there, you better be! Seriously. I won't friend you anymore if you do something like that.
Well. Wish me luck! This would be a really big thing. And I hope it works out well. Fatin said she has a good feeling about it. I hope so. All I want to do is feed these people.
OMG, I just remembered. The thing is going on the whole day, from 10am to 9pm. Oh my God. OK. That means, some people would actually stay for all 3 meals of the day! OK. That means I have to cook for more. It'll be OK I guess. I mean, it's OK if you want to do so. I'd actually take it more as a compliment. You know, the food must be good, and you must love our company so much to not leave. Hehe. Wish me luck!!!
I need lots of luck. Saying that, I can't wait! Yum! It's just so freaking exciting!
LoVe~
MzP<3
p.s. Mr. Ramli Maidin passed away today. He was a great principal. One of the best. And always, when I think of KYS, I'll think of him. Lets all say a prayer for him and keep him in our hearts. I know I say this for all Kysers when I say we love him.
10 October 2008
Do You Know?
2.55am.
Bored. Can't sleep.
Let's entertain you with some 'do you know?' facts.
Do you know that married men get 300% more sex than single men?
Do you know that the giraffe has the same number of neck bones as a human?
Do you know that a tiger has striped skin but a zebra does not?
Do you know that a woman has the most wet dreams in her life at the age of 40-something, and men at 20-something?
Do you know that a Malaysian 1 sen actually takes 2 sens to be made?
Do you know that Marilyn Monroe's real name is Norma Jeane Mortensen?
Do you know that of the Petronas Twin Towers, each tower was built by 2 different companies?
Ok, I'm out of 'do you know?'s for now. Will add some more later when I remember them.
Wanna sleep now. Good night!
LoVe~
MzP<3
Bored. Can't sleep.
Let's entertain you with some 'do you know?' facts.
Do you know that married men get 300% more sex than single men?
Do you know that the giraffe has the same number of neck bones as a human?
Do you know that a tiger has striped skin but a zebra does not?
Do you know that a woman has the most wet dreams in her life at the age of 40-something, and men at 20-something?
Do you know that a Malaysian 1 sen actually takes 2 sens to be made?
Do you know that Marilyn Monroe's real name is Norma Jeane Mortensen?
Do you know that of the Petronas Twin Towers, each tower was built by 2 different companies?
Ok, I'm out of 'do you know?'s for now. Will add some more later when I remember them.
Wanna sleep now. Good night!
LoVe~
MzP<3
09 October 2008
Out of Reach
Why oh why hadn't I done Biotechnology? Or Medicine? Or even Psychology? Or maybe even Physiotherapy?
Oh. Right. Chemistry. And Physics. How was I stupid enough to not do Physics in A-levels. And how was I stupid enough to just not get Chemistry. But I guess not taking Physics, and still wanting to do science, would leave me with... Nutritionist. And no offense to nutritionists out there, but I don't think I want to proceed with life having a career counting calories in food. Eew. Seriously. That would ruin all the fun of eating!
So here I am, doing Accounting. OK, there is nothing wrong with accounting. I might not be good in it, but I'm not bad in it either. And it is a pretty hard thing to do. People do look up to you if you tell them you're studying accounting (Like, whoa, isn't that hard? Can you cope?), but not in Malaysia though. People tend to think you're a loser, at the bottom end, if you do anything related to business. Because that's what we're told when we were doing SPM. Doing business? Stupid. the guys in business do less subjects. And they're easier. OK, I admit, if I were in the business stream during SPM, I would probably get straight A's. But that was then. Now, accounting is hard. When you do deeper into it. I mean, learning how to put $$$ in places I've never even heard of, let alone knew existed, is super hard. I mean, what the hell is 'freight-in' anyway?
OK fine. I'm stuck doing accounting. I'm OK with that. It's useful. It's not that bad. And it could be fun sometimes. But then, if I want to do it, I should have done it at a better place. Alright, I know Macquarie Uni has the best EFS sector in Sydney or something. But i should have gone further. UK, maybe. Or US. I should be in UK right now. The tuition fees are cheaper anyway. Or the same. And an education in UK is considered higher, in Malaysia. Higher as in, more looked up upon.
So right now, as I'm writing this, I'm looking at applications to the UK. Alright, it's going to be a big huge change, and it's not going to be easy. But I want it. More than anything right now. I don't know how to do it. And hell, I don't know how to get the finances required. But I still want to think it's possible. I still want to try to do it. Because it is the only thing keeping me in line. The only thing that I'm working towards. Although I know the chances of me going there is one in a thousand. But still, wish me luck.
Right now, my iTunes is giving me some problems. It keeps popping up and interrupting my post writing! It's so damn freaking annoying. I end this here.
Oh, I almost forgot!
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!!!
Maaf Zahir dan Batin.
Muax. Love you guys.
LoVe~
MzP<3
Oh. Right. Chemistry. And Physics. How was I stupid enough to not do Physics in A-levels. And how was I stupid enough to just not get Chemistry. But I guess not taking Physics, and still wanting to do science, would leave me with... Nutritionist. And no offense to nutritionists out there, but I don't think I want to proceed with life having a career counting calories in food. Eew. Seriously. That would ruin all the fun of eating!
So here I am, doing Accounting. OK, there is nothing wrong with accounting. I might not be good in it, but I'm not bad in it either. And it is a pretty hard thing to do. People do look up to you if you tell them you're studying accounting (Like, whoa, isn't that hard? Can you cope?), but not in Malaysia though. People tend to think you're a loser, at the bottom end, if you do anything related to business. Because that's what we're told when we were doing SPM. Doing business? Stupid. the guys in business do less subjects. And they're easier. OK, I admit, if I were in the business stream during SPM, I would probably get straight A's. But that was then. Now, accounting is hard. When you do deeper into it. I mean, learning how to put $$$ in places I've never even heard of, let alone knew existed, is super hard. I mean, what the hell is 'freight-in' anyway?
OK fine. I'm stuck doing accounting. I'm OK with that. It's useful. It's not that bad. And it could be fun sometimes. But then, if I want to do it, I should have done it at a better place. Alright, I know Macquarie Uni has the best EFS sector in Sydney or something. But i should have gone further. UK, maybe. Or US. I should be in UK right now. The tuition fees are cheaper anyway. Or the same. And an education in UK is considered higher, in Malaysia. Higher as in, more looked up upon.
So right now, as I'm writing this, I'm looking at applications to the UK. Alright, it's going to be a big huge change, and it's not going to be easy. But I want it. More than anything right now. I don't know how to do it. And hell, I don't know how to get the finances required. But I still want to think it's possible. I still want to try to do it. Because it is the only thing keeping me in line. The only thing that I'm working towards. Although I know the chances of me going there is one in a thousand. But still, wish me luck.
Right now, my iTunes is giving me some problems. It keeps popping up and interrupting my post writing! It's so damn freaking annoying. I end this here.
Oh, I almost forgot!
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!!!
Maaf Zahir dan Batin.
Muax. Love you guys.
LoVe~
MzP<3
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