New Moon

The weather is suiting my mood perfectly.

All I have to be is strong. Not selfish.

For when you love someone sooo much, you'd do anything to make him happy. If you think it's better without you, then you make it happen.

Even if you have to lie.

Even if you have to make him believe something else.

In the end it's for his own good.

And for my own good too, actually.

So yes, I need to be strong and not be selfish. A clean break, that's what we need. So it'll heal faster.

Funnily enough, what I read in New Moon a few hours ago echoes this feeling of mine perfectly.

It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.

And yet I found I could survive, I was a alert, I felt the pain - the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head - but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it.

No one can say it better, how I feel right now.


LoVe~
MzP<3