Beautiful Dates

Yesterday was so... nice.

Got to meet him. Oh my God, it had been awhile since I saw him.

Can't believe when I meet him again I'd be... shy. Then I realised how deeply I've fallen.

And then I felt... confused. You know why, sayang.


And then here I am again. This is where I end up again: In bed. Alone. Where I have been for the past week.

Now I'm thinking of nice dates. Perfect dates.

Ice cream date. A scoop of ice cream each. Park. Nice weather. You, me getting talking, getting to know each other. An ice cream date is just one of the most perfect first date I can think of.

Dancing in the moonlight. Full moon. Music. Dancing. Candles. Somewhere above the world, somewhere. In our own world.

Kissing in the rain. Dancing. Getting soaked. But loving it.

Sunrise. It's more beautiful than sunsets. For after a sunrise, after the date, the day starts. And it would be a beautiful day ahead of us.

Star gazing. Laying down on the ground . Looking for shooting stars. Making wishes for our future. And where I can tell you I love you more than the stars in the sky.

Breakfast in bed. Waking up to pancakes. In bed. Starting the day with a smile.

Candlelight dinner on a rooftop. Alone. Music. Where he cooks. And we dance. And perhaps talk about the future. About how happy we'd be forever.

Beachside. Beautiful clear water. Where I can taste the salt on your lips. And we'd build sandcastles. And write our name in the sand. And build memories that will last right through our days.

I am not a hopeless romantic. But this is a vision in my head. Something beautiful. Something I could hope for. Something I could look forward to in moments of darkness. Something with you. Something called love.

Maybe I am a romantic. But not a hopeless one.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Prospective Husband Material

I've never actually see myself as someone who would fight for love. I never did. But somehow now, I'm doing it.

But we all know real life is far from the movies. And we all know in real life it's so much harder to know what's right and what's wrong. Because it is not black and white. There's no sweet animal loving princesses and evil queens.

But then again, the last time I checked, it's not the 19th century, is it? Arranged marriage is, surely, a thing of the past. Then how the hell did this happen? How the hell am I stuck with something that seems so much like arranged marriage that I can't even deny it anymore?

Thing is, I can find a good husband for myself, thank you very much. I mean my criteria for a husband is pretty impressively high standard, really. Seriously. Judge it for yourself.

Let me get one thing straight before I start on my list. Yes, I want a husband with a decent size penis (read: above average). I'm sorry, yea, I got it out. Yes it's superficial. I know you'd think, "A big penis isn't everything!" but it's really up to me, you know. If I'm going to spend my whole life with that thing, please let it be big. I also know guys out there who'll go, "I want a wife with big boobs." Sure, you know, guys. But I think a big penis makes more sense because it contributes more to the sex life than big boobs. And if guys could say that, I sure as hell could say it too.

Okay, so first on my list of a perfect husband is money. Yes. I'm sorry. For love or money? Money. Anytime. Love could come later. Being fed is more important to me. Even if love never come, I'd be comforted with the fact that at least my children are getting good education.

Second, smart. A smart husband would be nice. I would want someone I can have conversations with. Someone who knows more than I know so I can learn from him. Someone who can solve problems quick and painless.

Another criteria: Educated. Yes, it's different from above. I want my husband to get good education. Someone who can tell me the square root of pi. Someone who knows where a human spleen is. Someone who knows what E, M and C is in the formula E=MC². And someone who knows what shape the demand and supply curves are. Oh, and someone who actually knows what are The Illiad and The Odyssey are.

Fourth. Nice and kind. This goes without saying, really.

Fifth. Handy. Yes, I need him to change lightbulbs, change the car tyres, unclog sinks, repair leaks, and at least know more about cars than I do.

Funny. Quite important this one. If he isn't dull and can make me laugh it's a huge plus. I wouldn't want to marry the statue of liberty, if you know what I mean.

Seventh criteria: powerful. Someone with power just turns me on. Someone who can make things happen. A husband that is respected. That when you mention his name, people would know.

Eight. Good genes. I didn't say good-looking here because looking good is not a criteria. I mean, you don't have to look like Brad Pitt. But please carry good genes. I wouldn't want someone who carry genes for asthma, heart attack, diabetes, high blood pressure, hemophilia, sickle cell anemia, color blindness, and all those diseases out there. Oh, especially not thalassemia.

OK, I'll stop at 8. Those are my criterias.

But you know what? I have one more criteria that would cancel out all others: Religious. Seriously, no matter what, that is the most important. If a guy is religious, I don't care of all those other criteria (even the penis size). I so want, above all else, a religious husband. Someone who would guide me the right way. And someone who would guide my children the right way. If that guy is religious, I would not even check if he has all the qualities above. If he is religious, he'd be perfect for me. For if my husband is religious, I know what I will always have is happiness. I will always have blessing.

And always always have the best part of life. Always.

See, mum and dad, I know very well how to choose a husband for myself. If it's up to me, my husband would be perfect, because I would not settle for less than the best. And I know, if my parents actually know these criteria, they would be crazy proud of me.

So there is no need for arranged marriages please. Where husbands are concerned, I've got mine down pat.

Well, the important question then:

Any Applications?

Just kidding.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Freaking Freak

This is a kind of pain I could not cope with.

I've always been good with pain. I've always been good with feelings.

But this time round, it's different. I guess I'm different. I can't cope. It hurts so bad that it's almost physical.

I need a release. I need to do get my mind off it, or I don't think I can survive another day.

I don't want this pain anymore. But I don't know what to do. Should I shut it off, along with all the other emotional things I'm feeling? Or should I just bear with it one more day?

I need you. I need you now. Please.

I can't freaking function. It's freaking hard. I'm freaking out. I'm a freak.


LoVe~
FreaK<3

Trying to Digress

Another post which I have no idea what to say. No new developments. Wish I could wirte everything here, but you know how some things have to not be revealed to everyone. And that 'some thing' is my parents. I'll digress.

See, I'm still in bed. I wish I don't ever have to get out. The weather's more beautiful than I've seen it in months. And the scent of the air... Mmm... Delightful. I want to go out. I want to bask in the sunlight, feel the cool breeze. I really want to. But everytime, everytime, I can't think of a good enough reason to get out. There's nothing out there.

What is the purpose of holding on another day. Part of me longs for what I previously called home. Part of me knows this is my home now. So why go? Home is where I want to be. But which is it? I can't seem to know what is what anymore.

See? I got back to the topic. Hello?? I'm just so dark and twisted right now.





OK. Let's just get this over and done with.

If my parents don't call me today, I'm not going home. Not. Going. Home.

I don't care if my flight's confirmed. I don't care if they call me tomorrow.

I don't care if I never go home again.

So there.

For once in my life I don't want to do what they tell me to. For once.

And then they do this. They got me into depression. Clinical. And that's worth it? For once, I want them to grow up. Be happy for me. Because even when she did the worst thing, I kept it shut just to see her happy.

If they don't open their eyes and see. If they don't become the bigger person this time round. I would not do it for them one more day. Not for one more day.


LoVe~
MzP<3

The City of Angels

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

That's Leona Lewis' Bleeding Love.

The song just speaks volumes to me. Why is it that these things are so hard? What is this, Romeo and Juliet? Why is it when things seem so right, it can actually be really wrong?

Wait. What is wrong with me?

OK.

Oh, I'm going to LA. Yay!!! OK, yes I know I've been there, like 8 times, but I still get excited. It's LA. Disneyland. Shopping. Hollywood. It's the whole shit. And I'm going there one more time.

The City of Angels.

Where better to spend my holidays?

I'd better go pack now. LA, people. And I'm going to have the time of my life. I don't care.

So, yes. That's the only thing I'm actually looking forward to these holidays.

Other than that? Nothing else. Not even my birthday. Don't ask why.

Not even Valentine's Day.

So, yeah. LA! It's going to rock my socks. It'll be kick ass. Just you wait. And I'll make sure of it.


LoVe~
MzP<3>

Writings in Bed

This is it. This is the thing.

Raining heavily outside, and all I wanna do is get soaked in the rain.

The rain is a lot of things to me. It's Malaysia: Where I'll be in 3 days.

It's KYS: Many a day, I lie in bed to the sound of the rain.

It's home: Staying on the balcony, looking out.

It's the memories: Some I'll never forget.

Me: Who I used to be. Who I am now. And what I'll be come tomorrow.

Today, I lay in bed the whole day. I can't bring myself to get out. I feel so... bad. I feel sad. Disappointed with myself. I feel loved, though. And I'm missing him like crazy.

It's one of those bad days. Where you just can't face the world. Where it all just seem pointless. It's one of those days where you just feel so alone. Like there's no one.

And then there's going home. I just don't know what to expect anymore. I don't know what to say. I don't know if I ever want to go home anymore. If it's even still home to me.

Will it ever be the same again? Should it be the same again?

But then again, maybe this is exactly what I need. This is me growing up. This is me not looking back. Finally.

I still wonder where I'll be tomorrow. Is it all worth it? Is it what it's supposed to be? Will he still love me? Will I?

Crap. Maybe it's time I got out of bed after all. Wish me luck.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Ivy-ness

Reached home at 5am last night. Or rather, this morning.

Kinda just woke up.

Thank God I'm not the hungover type. Thank God I'm not the alcohol type. Haha.

Yea, Ivy was pretty good. Damn packed but good.

Too bad you missed out. :P

Yes, I haven't been updating my blog at all. See, there's a few reasons for that: First, exams. Shit, it has been so tough. Second, I wanted to get better ideas. Third: Boyfriend. Between trying to feed him and studying for my exams, I'm basically packed.

You know what? Let me tell you a theory of mine I figured out last night. In Ivy.

See, Ivy was jam packed. Basically, you can't walk without walking into someone's crotch. Or being squeezed between two very very grope-y guys. Or into someone's drink which would subsequently spill all over your shoes. (And damn, those were expensive shoes! And I think that girl was just jealous of my shoes.)

And the condition worsens on the dance floor. Now you don't just get people walking into you, you get people thrusting their butt and crotch into you, and grabbing your ass, and tangling themselves in your dress (Yea, I know that wasn't an accident, bastards) - in the name of dancing. And trust (thrust?) me, boy or girl, you're not safe.

And then, in my careful observations (OK, I wasn't drinking, what else can I do?), I realised something. Where everyone else are busy trying to get their body small enough to pass between the couples stuck together, there is a tiny group of people who didn't have any trouble walking through the crowd at all. It's like, the crowd parts for them. Reminiscent to the parting of the red sea. It's like magic. I was like, wow, how did they do it? And they're not just hot chicks with big boobs either (well, I think it gets worse in that case); the group are made of guys. Not even hot guys. Certainly not famous. Didn't even look interesting to me. So I wondered long and hard how they did it.

Until one of them tried to pass by me and my group of friends, where I just squirmed out of the way. Oookayyy. This is his magic: Pervertion (wait, is there such a word???). Basically, he just perverts his way through the crowd. A little touch here, a little bump there. And people would just jump out of their way. And they look perverted enough to pull that stunt. Seriously, feeling his hand on my waist - moving down; and if you were me, you'd jump away too. And then Mr. Sneaky Sneaky would transfer his hands to some other guy's or girl's waist, moving them up or down fitting the situation.

At first, I was angry. And then, I thought, OMG, that guy is just smart. Using your perverted looks for him instead of against him, is just so... ingenious. I mean, not only do you get people to part ways for you, you actually get to touch as many of them as you can in one night. Now how many hot guys out there could claim that??

It's so cool. Now I wish, I have the physical looks necessary to pull that off.

Later then. Oh, and if you decide to use this tactic in a super packed club, tell me how it goes. You might just be the next crowd parting expert.

Later guys.


LoVe~
MzP<3

P.S. This will be a loooong P.S.

Today is the 3 months of me and my baby. 3 months! It's so nice.

So to celebrate, we went to the Sydney opera house, and basically just hang around there. You know, it's deserted at night. Hehe.

But I guess that'll be another post. I love Thaqeef. And today, I'm telling it to the entire world. So sue me.