Pretty dark huh?
I guess this is partly Xuxa's doing. But not all Xuxa though. If I let it be all Xuxa, the page will be filled with vampires. And not the sparkly Edward Cullen kind either. We're talking vicious vampires with blood dripping on their fangs, and torn gothic dresses. Yes, I can be that dark.
But lately I realised I've let Xuxa out again. I've been listening to angry songs. And metal songs actually seem enjoyable. This coming from someone who had migraines listening to them before. I've also taken a liking to Garbage songs. I can't believe I've never liked them before. Hmm...
Yeah, I would say I need the toughness alot more now. Maybe it's just one more of the phases of growing up. Maybe I'm growing up. In fact what I wouldn't give to redecorate my room black and red right now. How awesome would that be?
(OK, I'm actually worried about myself right now. I love pink!)
Interesting. I can't remember the last time I am more Xuxa than me. It kind of scares me. Because I'm ruthless as Xuxa.
As Herman Hesse said:
"You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation... and that is called loving. Well then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else."
I guess embracing Xuxa in my time of plight is my way of loving my suffering. For only when I suffer I could fully be the other side of me, the darker part.
And these are the times I'll be needing it most.
Tomorrow I'm going to visit my old school, KYS. I'm seriously torn. Part of me wants to, out of curiosity, and mild obligation. Part of me is dreading it. Perhaps more than I am willing to admit. Those weren't the best years of my life, as you would have guessed. Yeah, I wasn't one of the girls who peaked in high school. I was one of those who can't wait to get out. And I'm glad I did too. Look how awesome my life is right now? Haha. I'm just being annoying. My life is pretty awesome, but still not void of suffering.
But then again, I'm a little girl who likes pink. Probably grew up with unicorns and rainbows. And parents who spoil me rotten. What do I know of suffering?
Haha. That's a secret I will NEVER tell. After all, the trick about life is to make it look easy.
I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains
You'll get the message by the time I'm through
LoVe~
MzP<3
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