New Divide

Let me speak my mind for abit.

I hate this. Being back n Malaysia. Yes, I know I don't sound very patriotic right now. But being here is not fun. I'm not learning anything. And it's not very healthy either.

I know I don't have that many friends here. But even so, I thought I had some. Where are you guys? Too busy? Or just can't be bothered?

I'm so sick of initiating contact. I'm so sick of asking people out when they never do (ask me out). I mean, am I missing something here? Is this the way of life here? Or is it just that I'm not part of their lives enough for them to bother?

I hang out abit sometimes, but with my Sydney friends! What's the point of me coming back to Malaysia then? I would accomplish wayyyyy more in Sydney. In terms of a JOB, friends, company, and also productivity! AND I'll eat healthier. And I could have dates without my dad questioning everything. I would be at least 3kg thinner. And did I mention I have so much more friends?

And you wonder why I'm not dying to go back to Malaysia after I graduate.

Here, my spontaneity is sucked dry. I can't just call someone and meet them somewhere in 15 mins. I can't just wake up and decide I'm going to the beach today. I can't just go to the UBar knowing I will meet someone, anyone, there. And I sure as hell can't just talk to random strangers. First, they'll think I'm crazy. Second, my parents NEVER let me go out alone. Like, EVER. NEVER EVER. If I tell them I wanna go out to drink coffee, they'll make a HUGE deal out of it. "Wait, you're going ALONE??" or "Who are you going with?" or "Your father is going that way, why don't you go with him?" Like hello???? Nooooooo thank you.

Helloooo, it's just coffee! I'm pretty sure I won't end up in an alley with some psycho killer who just escaped from prison. Or run away to elope in Thailand. There's no hidden, dark alley in my area anyway. And I don't have a boyfriend, let alone a prospective husband. They watch too much TV sometimes.

And guys asking me out on dates? None of that. And the worst part is, I just realised a few days ago that I'll be here for Valentine's Day. How awesome is that? (That was sarcasm btw, if you still don't get my intended inflection)

Well excuse me while I get killed softly.





But honestly, today, I have a reason to miss Malaysia. More specifically, a person. A person who reminds me who I am. A person never too busy to spend time with me. A rare person who is here.

Maybe Malaysia might not be so bad after all. And yes, I'm going to miss the whole country because of him. Thank God there's someone like him. If not, you guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Malaysians. *Scoff*

So give me a reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect this space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide

Basically, prove me wrong about this difference between my two worlds. And give me a reason to believe that it is all not that different, and to let me find the connection between them. And let that reason be enough to find my purpose here. Give me a reason to come back, across this new divide.



LoVe~
MzP<3