Through the Rain

Two weeks into the year, and everything is going wrong. Everything I know is falling apart. Everything that was so beautiful in the last year is now falling apart, crumbling in my wake. And I'm standing, just a spectator, watching but not able to do anything about it.

It's my birthday today, did you know?

I feel like I've been sucked through a large hole, dark enough and black enough that nothing could be seen, and nothing is within reach.

It would be usual for me to know feelings like this don't last. It's just a blip of darkness against a canvas of overwhelming beauty, which in a way, needs to be there to complete the picture.

But I also know there holes so deep to fall in that you will never get out again, in darkness, where light is just a memory held so dear by the thought alone. With a hope that fades away with every creeping day.

In a way, I feel I have fallen. And I don't know if I'm getting out. But it is a deep hole. Engrossing me with darkness.


But then maybe I'm just walking through the rain. Heavy enough to obscure my vision, enveloping the sight of all good things that surround me, and all good things to come. Maybe the rain will stop. Maybe I'll see everything clearly again.

The rain will always stop, right? I just have to be strong enough to endure it, to go through it.

I can make it through the rain,
I can stand up once again,
On my own and I know,
That I'm strong enough to mend.

And every time I feel afraid,
I hold tighter to my faith,
And I live one more day,
And I'll make through the rain.

But being a troubled person, I know very well what is happening. I'm having some kind of anxiety problem right now. I'm extremely anxious. I can't sit still the whole day. I can't sleep. I can't seem to clear my head of the fact that something bad may happen. My heart is racing, I have a problem concentrating in anything I do, I've been fidgeting non-stop. It feels bad.


But I'm on MSN with Julie right now. And if there is one person in this world who could make me feel better, it's her. No one understands me as much as she does. And I love her for it.



So wish me luck to make it through the rain one more time.


LoVe~
MzP<3