Too Much to Ask

Here it is again, the dreaded feeling that something is going to go wrong.

Probably something has already gone wrong: I've spent too much money.

Sometimes it's true what they say, we spend money we don't have... to buy things we don't need... for people we don't like.

True for me today.

Seriously, today I did just that.

Then, after the money is spent, I felt guilty. Like, really guilty. Why can't I, for once, spend money for myself instead of for everyone else? For the boyfriend who treated me like shit, for the birthday of a 'friend' who never bothered to show up at my birthday (let alone get me a present), and for people who won't appreciate it.

When I was younger, my mom taught me to be more selfish. I think she's right, I should.

I won't bother anymore.

Plus, my birthday? The one I've been trying so hard for to make up for my last? I'm in half a mind to cancel it for good.

My friends, they don't bother, they never will. I would spend hundreds to make them happy. They wouldn't even spend $5 bucks for a bus ride to my place to see me happy.

And guess what? I'm not the rich one here. I can't afford anything. Then again, when I do other things like bake cupcakes for their birthday, they won't even look at me. Materialistic much?

Whatever, I'm done. You want me to be nice? Let's see you do that first. If not, I won't bother.

And no, you're not getting a ride in the limo for my birthday. :P



LoVe~
MzP<3