The weather is suiting my mood perfectly.
All I have to be is strong. Not selfish.
For when you love someone sooo much, you'd do anything to make him happy. If you think it's better without you, then you make it happen.
Even if you have to lie.
Even if you have to make him believe something else.
In the end it's for his own good.
And for my own good too, actually.
So yes, I need to be strong and not be selfish. A clean break, that's what we need. So it'll heal faster.
Funnily enough, what I read in New Moon a few hours ago echoes this feeling of mine perfectly.
It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.
And yet I found I could survive, I was a alert, I felt the pain - the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head - but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it.
No one can say it better, how I feel right now.
LoVe~
MzP<3
31 March 2009
30 March 2009
When I Grow Up
Let me speak my mind on a little something called growing up.
What does it really mean by growing up? Making your own decisions? Living on your own? Being at the legal age to drink?
The thing is, growing up is not everything we thought it was when we are younger. But when we do grow up, we realise this. And there is no other way to realise it than by... well... growing up.
The first aspect: making our own decisions. Growing up is not about making your own decisions. In fact, growing up is when you understand the decisions you have to make and then let the best person make the decision for you. In any case, if you believe the best person to make the decision is yourself, then by all means, make the decision. If not, you ask for opinions. You take advices. You let other people talk you into or out of something. So in the end, growing up is actually having the bravery to leave your life in someone else's hands, knowing that you don't always make the best decisions yourself.
It's not about being perfect and not making mistakes either, for we all know adults make a lot of mistakes. (Take the recent recession as example). Here, you know you've grown up when you learn from the mistakes you make. And also other people's mistakes. When you've gone so far as to learn from other people's mistakes, then you know you've grown way way up, as some more influential people has never learned to pick up this little trick in life.
So it's learning, in a way. Adapting.
So then, being a grown up doesn't mean you're done with learning. Far from it, actually. The point that you grow up is evident when you realise you don't know anything. Knowing that learning is a process that takes a lifetime. That even if you're the oldest person in the world, you'd still be able to learn from someone much younger. When we grow up, we accept learning as a breath of fresh air. We strive to know more. Because as long as you learn, life doesn't stop. As long as you learn, you keep yourself alive. No matter where or how you learn.
One thing being a grown up definitely doesn't give you is freedom. If you're chasing to grow up just for the freedom it seems to promise, you'd be so far from it in years to come. For no one is farther removed from freedom than the person who actively seeks it. I learned that from Kahlil Gibran. And it is wise to take it. He knows, the person who wants freedom so much is the person who is the most trapped. For freedom is not what freedom seems. And when you achieve this freedom in your had, it won't be freedom any longer.
What being a grown up is, is independence and responsibility. It is when you are given independence, that you have the responsibility to use it as well as you can.
I still have friends who are living with their parents, and they like to ask me, every night, "What's stopping you from going out and having fun?"
I never have the answer. I never knew what to say. They look at me and see me to have all the freedom in the world, living in a different country from my parents.
The thing is, responsibility is my answer now. I know if I go out tonight I won't be able to finish my resume. Or do my tutorial work for Wednesday. Or even finish my work for the societies I'm involved in. And I know I would spend my money in better places. And then I know the dangers of going out at night on my own. And I also know it's not very nice to leave your boyfriend behind and go to a bar without him.
Maybe it would be nice to go out and party tonight. But it would be a hell of a lot nicer to stay home, knowing the trouble you'd be out of, and the problems you won't get yourself in.
So part of growing up, I realise, is finding a partner, someone to love, as well. This is because most of us (in my culture, anyway) is used to being surrounded by our close-knit famillies. So much so that surviving alone doesn't seem to be a very attractive option. Admit it: we love to have someone to keep us in check. We do need someone to tell us what not to do sometimes. And we need this constant witnes to our lives. For when someone is there to care about all the littlest things you do, it would remind us everyday that our existence really matters in this world.
So grow up, guys. And love every minute of it. For there's nothing like growing up to remind us of the kid in us everyday.
And saying all that, I'm still getting there.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
What does it really mean by growing up? Making your own decisions? Living on your own? Being at the legal age to drink?
The thing is, growing up is not everything we thought it was when we are younger. But when we do grow up, we realise this. And there is no other way to realise it than by... well... growing up.
The first aspect: making our own decisions. Growing up is not about making your own decisions. In fact, growing up is when you understand the decisions you have to make and then let the best person make the decision for you. In any case, if you believe the best person to make the decision is yourself, then by all means, make the decision. If not, you ask for opinions. You take advices. You let other people talk you into or out of something. So in the end, growing up is actually having the bravery to leave your life in someone else's hands, knowing that you don't always make the best decisions yourself.
It's not about being perfect and not making mistakes either, for we all know adults make a lot of mistakes. (Take the recent recession as example). Here, you know you've grown up when you learn from the mistakes you make. And also other people's mistakes. When you've gone so far as to learn from other people's mistakes, then you know you've grown way way up, as some more influential people has never learned to pick up this little trick in life.
So it's learning, in a way. Adapting.
So then, being a grown up doesn't mean you're done with learning. Far from it, actually. The point that you grow up is evident when you realise you don't know anything. Knowing that learning is a process that takes a lifetime. That even if you're the oldest person in the world, you'd still be able to learn from someone much younger. When we grow up, we accept learning as a breath of fresh air. We strive to know more. Because as long as you learn, life doesn't stop. As long as you learn, you keep yourself alive. No matter where or how you learn.
One thing being a grown up definitely doesn't give you is freedom. If you're chasing to grow up just for the freedom it seems to promise, you'd be so far from it in years to come. For no one is farther removed from freedom than the person who actively seeks it. I learned that from Kahlil Gibran. And it is wise to take it. He knows, the person who wants freedom so much is the person who is the most trapped. For freedom is not what freedom seems. And when you achieve this freedom in your had, it won't be freedom any longer.
What being a grown up is, is independence and responsibility. It is when you are given independence, that you have the responsibility to use it as well as you can.
I still have friends who are living with their parents, and they like to ask me, every night, "What's stopping you from going out and having fun?"
I never have the answer. I never knew what to say. They look at me and see me to have all the freedom in the world, living in a different country from my parents.
The thing is, responsibility is my answer now. I know if I go out tonight I won't be able to finish my resume. Or do my tutorial work for Wednesday. Or even finish my work for the societies I'm involved in. And I know I would spend my money in better places. And then I know the dangers of going out at night on my own. And I also know it's not very nice to leave your boyfriend behind and go to a bar without him.
Maybe it would be nice to go out and party tonight. But it would be a hell of a lot nicer to stay home, knowing the trouble you'd be out of, and the problems you won't get yourself in.
So part of growing up, I realise, is finding a partner, someone to love, as well. This is because most of us (in my culture, anyway) is used to being surrounded by our close-knit famillies. So much so that surviving alone doesn't seem to be a very attractive option. Admit it: we love to have someone to keep us in check. We do need someone to tell us what not to do sometimes. And we need this constant witnes to our lives. For when someone is there to care about all the littlest things you do, it would remind us everyday that our existence really matters in this world.
So grow up, guys. And love every minute of it. For there's nothing like growing up to remind us of the kid in us everyday.
And saying all that, I'm still getting there.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
Call You Sexy
About 5 months ago I saw this incredibly sexy/handsome phone ever.
I wanted it. I craved for it. Yearned for it.
I couldn't imagine never having it.
Now it's mine.
All MINE!!!
Oh, my sleepless nights are ending. My craving satisfied. My love complete.
For who couldn't sleep with this sexy beast next to you?!
Not me!
LoVe~
MzP<3
I wanted it. I craved for it. Yearned for it.
I couldn't imagine never having it.
Now it's mine.All MINE!!!
Oh, my sleepless nights are ending. My craving satisfied. My love complete.
For who couldn't sleep with this sexy beast next to you?!
Not me!
LoVe~
MzP<3
27 March 2009
Addictive
Gosh. I am falling.
Never had an addictive personality before. Well, never had the drive to even be addicted to anything before.
But now I'm developing one. An addictive personality. It feels like I need to be addicted to something, if not I fall apart. Piece by piece.
So in a way, I'm addicted to addiction. Weird. Weirdly inappropriate.
Right now, the feeling in the back of my throat, it's coffee. The aroma. The taste. The satisfaction. It's getting me weak. Right now I can imagine the feel of it. Taking a sip. Knowing the satisfaction.
But the thing about addiction is, it's not what it's wrapped up to be. When you crave something you're addicted to, you want it so badly. You'd do a lot for it. But when you get it, it's never the satisfaction you desire. It never is enough. It's the difference between thinking about smoking and actually having a cigarette between your lips. Smokers know that when they don't get it, they crave for it. But when they do, it doesn't seem to be all it promised to be.
What addicts do is chase. They chase the feeling of that satisfaction. That feeling they can imagine so well. The ones that are not real.
Because the truth is, the feeling will never come again. It'll never be as good as the first or second time. That is just at the back of your head. You just chase it. And keep on chasing. And you know you're fucked when one day it's gone. And you find you can't live without it.
So what am I doing? Chasing.
Even amidst this happiness, amidst this good times, I couldn't help but think, "What if?" So what if I won't ever get this feeling I'm chasing anymore? What if it's gone forever? What if it's just in the back of my head? But then again, I know I can't live without it.
There are times when you know you should go. When you know you should leave it all behind. But then you crave for it again. The lure is inescapable, undeniable. Then for a split second it's in your grasp. For a split second you chase it, anticipating your next 'fix'. But when you're done, You wonder why the hell you did it again. Why? It isn't any different. You don't feel better off. You just feel the incoming dread. The dread of wanting, and then needing. The dread of chasing. The dread of the vulnerability you have towards it. Then just the needing. So then the cycle repeats itself, slowly killing you in the process.
Yes, I understand addiction well. I understand the chase, the frustration, the disappointment.
I'm still fighting it.
But what if the day comes when there is no will left in me to fight anymore? When I let it consume me?
But what if something feels like an addiction but it's not? But then again, what if something doesn't feel like an addiction but it is?
But then again, there's no real harm in being addicted to coffee, is there?
LoVe~
MzP<3>
Never had an addictive personality before. Well, never had the drive to even be addicted to anything before.
But now I'm developing one. An addictive personality. It feels like I need to be addicted to something, if not I fall apart. Piece by piece.
So in a way, I'm addicted to addiction. Weird. Weirdly inappropriate.
Right now, the feeling in the back of my throat, it's coffee. The aroma. The taste. The satisfaction. It's getting me weak. Right now I can imagine the feel of it. Taking a sip. Knowing the satisfaction.
But the thing about addiction is, it's not what it's wrapped up to be. When you crave something you're addicted to, you want it so badly. You'd do a lot for it. But when you get it, it's never the satisfaction you desire. It never is enough. It's the difference between thinking about smoking and actually having a cigarette between your lips. Smokers know that when they don't get it, they crave for it. But when they do, it doesn't seem to be all it promised to be.
What addicts do is chase. They chase the feeling of that satisfaction. That feeling they can imagine so well. The ones that are not real.
Because the truth is, the feeling will never come again. It'll never be as good as the first or second time. That is just at the back of your head. You just chase it. And keep on chasing. And you know you're fucked when one day it's gone. And you find you can't live without it.
So what am I doing? Chasing.
Even amidst this happiness, amidst this good times, I couldn't help but think, "What if?" So what if I won't ever get this feeling I'm chasing anymore? What if it's gone forever? What if it's just in the back of my head? But then again, I know I can't live without it.
There are times when you know you should go. When you know you should leave it all behind. But then you crave for it again. The lure is inescapable, undeniable. Then for a split second it's in your grasp. For a split second you chase it, anticipating your next 'fix'. But when you're done, You wonder why the hell you did it again. Why? It isn't any different. You don't feel better off. You just feel the incoming dread. The dread of wanting, and then needing. The dread of chasing. The dread of the vulnerability you have towards it. Then just the needing. So then the cycle repeats itself, slowly killing you in the process.
Yes, I understand addiction well. I understand the chase, the frustration, the disappointment.
I'm still fighting it.
But what if the day comes when there is no will left in me to fight anymore? When I let it consume me?
But what if something feels like an addiction but it's not? But then again, what if something doesn't feel like an addiction but it is?
But then again, there's no real harm in being addicted to coffee, is there?
LoVe~
MzP<3>
26 March 2009
Everybody's Fool
Section 113 - Definition of a proprietary company
Section 45A - Proprietary company may be small or large
Section 117 - Application of a company
Section 119 - Registration of company by ASIC
Section 123 - Companies may have a common seal
Section 124 - Companies are individuals
Section 46 - Subsidiary companies
Section 127 - Company may execute document with or without common seal
Section 141 - Index to replaceable rules
Section 136 - Ability of company to adopt or alter a constitution
That is just a sneak preview of parts of the Corporations Act 2001 that I need to know for my test today. And that's just half of it. Ouch.
I actually like Corporations Law. I get a lot of knowledge from it. Like, really useful knowledge. Like the whole corporate veil philosophy thingy.
But seriously, having to know most of the Corporations Act 2001 which, BTW has 1400++ sections (And who knows how many subsections), is just impossible.
So anyway. I've been so damn fucking busy lately that my stress level went up to 95%.
As a result though, things are being fine now. I got 28 out of 30 for that economics test. And the best part of all? Dance party in absolutely underway!!!
I present to you:
CARNIVALE
11 April 2009
SPACE
127 Liverpool St CBD
$15 presale/$20 door
11 April 2009
SPACE
127 Liverpool St CBD
$15 presale/$20 door
See you there yea. Can't wait. Poster (designed by yours truly and Mardhiah) will be up soon, that is as soon as the presidents approve it (This is just hypocritical bullshit. The presidents think they need to approve. GOD! We don't actually NEED their approval. But whatever.).
(You know, sometimes I know why politicians in Malaysia think they have soooooo much power. It's because this is what they were when they were younger, and the others are just to polite to point it out to them.)
(And I also know why they think they can 'campur tangan' in others' work. We're just too polite to tell them to back off and let us do our job. After all, what the hell do people hire us for??!!)
Yes, I'm bitter.
ANYWAY. Buy the tickets from me. And I promise not to bite your head off.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
(You know, sometimes I know why politicians in Malaysia think they have soooooo much power. It's because this is what they were when they were younger, and the others are just to polite to point it out to them.)
(And I also know why they think they can 'campur tangan' in others' work. We're just too polite to tell them to back off and let us do our job. After all, what the hell do people hire us for??!!)
Yes, I'm bitter.
ANYWAY. Buy the tickets from me. And I promise not to bite your head off.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
25 March 2009
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
I decided that I like German guys. They're hot. And kinda sexy. And their accent is just melting. Mmm...
Yep.
So I'm aiming at making this latest discovery... educational.
I'm going to find out about Germany. As much as I can about it. So the next time I meet a cute/hot German guy I can dazzle them with my knowledge. Yay me.
Capital of Germany: Berlin.
Size: 357,021 sq km.
President: Horst Kohler
Population: 82,060,000 (Ooooh, more for me!)
Language: German
Life Expectancy: 78.65 years
Calling code: 49 (Note: Important!!!)
Interesting facts!!
Seventh largest country in Europe.
Highest point is Zugspitze.
Around one third is covered by forests.
The Zoologischer Garten Berlin is the oldest zoo in Germany.
The fertility rate of 1.39 children per mother is one of the lowest in the world. (Oh no, less Germans??!!)
67% of the German citizens claim to be able to communicate in at least one foreign language. (And in that sexy accent? Yes please)
Germany is the leading producer of wind turbines and solar power technology in the world.
The only country to ever fully recover from hyperinflation. (Money-stable? Yes yes yes)
Albert Einstein is from Germany. (Brains too, huh?)
Mozart is from Germany. (Whoa, music too?)
The Frankfurt Book Fair is considered to be the most important book fair in the world.
The most successful Formula One driver in history, Michael Schumacher is from Germany.
The mayors of the two largest German cities, Berlin and Hamburg, are openly gay. (OK, hopefully not all of them are gay. Spare some for me please!)
Germany is Europe's second largest populous nation. (Keep 'em coming!)
Highest beer consumption in the world: 119 litres per person. (Uh, not good)
The German athletes are known to won the maximum number of Olympic medals. (You know how I feel about men who are good in sports...)
I hope this has been as educational for you as it has been for me. So the next time I meet a cute/hot/gorgeous German guy, I would totally impress them with my knowledge. (Great plan, girl).
LoVe~
MzP<3
Yep.
So I'm aiming at making this latest discovery... educational.
I'm going to find out about Germany. As much as I can about it. So the next time I meet a cute/hot German guy I can dazzle them with my knowledge. Yay me.
Capital of Germany: Berlin.
Size: 357,021 sq km.
President: Horst Kohler
Population: 82,060,000 (Ooooh, more for me!)
Language: German
Life Expectancy: 78.65 years
Calling code: 49 (Note: Important!!!)
Interesting facts!!
Seventh largest country in Europe.
Highest point is Zugspitze.
Around one third is covered by forests.
The Zoologischer Garten Berlin is the oldest zoo in Germany.
The fertility rate of 1.39 children per mother is one of the lowest in the world. (Oh no, less Germans??!!)
67% of the German citizens claim to be able to communicate in at least one foreign language. (And in that sexy accent? Yes please)
Germany is the leading producer of wind turbines and solar power technology in the world.
The only country to ever fully recover from hyperinflation. (Money-stable? Yes yes yes)
Albert Einstein is from Germany. (Brains too, huh?)
Mozart is from Germany. (Whoa, music too?)
The Frankfurt Book Fair is considered to be the most important book fair in the world.
The most successful Formula One driver in history, Michael Schumacher is from Germany.
The mayors of the two largest German cities, Berlin and Hamburg, are openly gay. (OK, hopefully not all of them are gay. Spare some for me please!)
Germany is Europe's second largest populous nation. (Keep 'em coming!)
Highest beer consumption in the world: 119 litres per person. (Uh, not good)
The German athletes are known to won the maximum number of Olympic medals. (You know how I feel about men who are good in sports...)
I hope this has been as educational for you as it has been for me. So the next time I meet a cute/hot/gorgeous German guy, I would totally impress them with my knowledge. (Great plan, girl).
LoVe~
MzP<3
24 March 2009
Drama Queen
Drama. It seems to define me.
I seem to not be able to live without it. Whenever my life is drama-free, I create it.
Especially in my relationships. I would guarantee you that you won't hear any relationships that has more drama than mine.
Problem: Men run from drama.
And my drama... is just so... dramatic. Sooo dramatic that Gossip Girl couldn't match up to it. Sooo dramatic that the latest soap opera couldn't fight it.
So there. Drama. But it keeps life interesting, doesn't it? So interesting I'm addicted to it.
So forgive me if I do sound a tad too dramatic on my blog sometimes. But then again, that's just me.
Hehe.
LoVe~
MzP<3
I seem to not be able to live without it. Whenever my life is drama-free, I create it.
Especially in my relationships. I would guarantee you that you won't hear any relationships that has more drama than mine.
Problem: Men run from drama.
And my drama... is just so... dramatic. Sooo dramatic that Gossip Girl couldn't match up to it. Sooo dramatic that the latest soap opera couldn't fight it.
So there. Drama. But it keeps life interesting, doesn't it? So interesting I'm addicted to it.
So forgive me if I do sound a tad too dramatic on my blog sometimes. But then again, that's just me.
Hehe.
LoVe~
MzP<3
23 March 2009
Over You
When you give your everything to someone, when you give your whole world to one person, and he turns to you and say, "I need space," I would guarantee you no worse thing could happen.
Especially when you gave everything. And you're left with nothing. And you'd do it gladly just to see him smile. Just because you think it's worth it.
And then he says, "I need space." And then the only thing you'd feel is regret. Regret that you've done all of it in the name of love and then, worse, regret that you've done that for someone who's not even worth it.
It happened to me once. And after that I vowed. I vowed to stop loving him. And then when I did, he suddenly treated me so well. So well that it got me confused for a second. Just a second.
But I'm back where I started. I wouldn't want to end up with some guy who only treats me well because he thinks he's gonna lose me.
Then he needs me.
What am I supposed to do? When I needed someone most in my life, he just chose not to be there. He chose. It wasn't like he had no choice. He had a choice.
So I was there for him. When he needed me, I was there. Sacrificed alot more. More and more.
Then I realised. I need space. When he walks into a room I couldn't breathe anymore. I need space. So thanks but no thanks. When I loved you so damn much you pushed me away. Now I just don't love you anymore. I'm pushing you away.
What I said wasn't right. I didn't mean it when I said it. But it seems to make you stay away. Finally.
I'm glad it's over. I'm just filled with total and utter regret. Because what I did and what I lost for him is something I could never ever get back. Regret.
But then again, I'm glad it's now, not 7 years later.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
Especially when you gave everything. And you're left with nothing. And you'd do it gladly just to see him smile. Just because you think it's worth it.
And then he says, "I need space." And then the only thing you'd feel is regret. Regret that you've done all of it in the name of love and then, worse, regret that you've done that for someone who's not even worth it.
It happened to me once. And after that I vowed. I vowed to stop loving him. And then when I did, he suddenly treated me so well. So well that it got me confused for a second. Just a second.
But I'm back where I started. I wouldn't want to end up with some guy who only treats me well because he thinks he's gonna lose me.
Then he needs me.
What am I supposed to do? When I needed someone most in my life, he just chose not to be there. He chose. It wasn't like he had no choice. He had a choice.
So I was there for him. When he needed me, I was there. Sacrificed alot more. More and more.
Then I realised. I need space. When he walks into a room I couldn't breathe anymore. I need space. So thanks but no thanks. When I loved you so damn much you pushed me away. Now I just don't love you anymore. I'm pushing you away.
What I said wasn't right. I didn't mean it when I said it. But it seems to make you stay away. Finally.
I'm glad it's over. I'm just filled with total and utter regret. Because what I did and what I lost for him is something I could never ever get back. Regret.
But then again, I'm glad it's now, not 7 years later.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
4 minutes
Umm... Hi.
OK, alright. Guilty of not updating.
In my defense, stress level is up 95% right now. And all is not well. And all is not free.
But instead of me talking about my problems, let this girl talk about the worlds' problems.
Enjoy.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
OK, alright. Guilty of not updating.
In my defense, stress level is up 95% right now. And all is not well. And all is not free.
But instead of me talking about my problems, let this girl talk about the worlds' problems.
Enjoy.
LoVe~
MzP<3>
09 March 2009
Take You Down
As a result of living very much in the dark, I just found out about the Chris Brown/Rihanna tragedy yesterday.
For those of you who don't already know, it's on www.perezhilton.com. In short, Chris Brown beat up Rihanna. In A rented Lamborghini. Until she was almost unconscious.
So last night, I read the story from front to back. Right from the start. I saw the pictures.
And what did I feel? Mostly anger. I felt kind of numb. And I felt the pain of going through it. Knowing what Rihanna felt. Or is feeling right now.
The pictures were incredibly bad. Shocking. I can only imagine what it feels like to get those kind of injuries. To have your head banged on the passenger window. To be punched repeatedly on the head and face. To be punched on the arms while trying to protect yourself. To be headlocked so you can't make a call. To be threatened to be killed. To be punched on the legs when you try to push him away. To be bit on the arm and fingers when you try to fight back. And then to be strangled until you lose consciousness. Then, finally to be left in the car alone.
It's outrageous. So much so that most radio stations are not playing Chris Brown's songs anymore. He's dropped from commercials. Basically, his career is almost over.
And then a huge uproar from people when the couple seemingly got back together. Oh my God.
Then part of me understands. Although Rihanna has a 100% chance of getting someone better than him, the problem is love. I mean, on her part. The lack of remorse from Chris Brown just got me to assume he doesn't love her that much anyway. So she loves him. Love.
Then I reflected on something. I had principles. I said to myself that if a guy ever beats me down, I won't think twice to leave.
And then I thought of him. The one I love. And then I realized. Even if he beats me down that bad, or worse, I'd probably still get back together with him. I probably would. It's really wrong. But then I understand. I understand when you get blinded by love. I'd tell Rihanna to get some help, some counselling, some perspective. I'd tell her to show the whole world how to be strong and to know what to do. But then again, I know in the end she's only human. At best, she's just like the rest of us. Her thought process is probably the same as ours.
Oh and did I tell you we're the same age? Oh, and so are our boyfriends.
Still, domestic violence is never ever alright. No matter how provoked you are. It is downright criminal.
Here's hoping Rihanna will realise that soon. And so will the rest of the world. Giving us some hope that we could always always always fall in love again. And be happy again.
LoVe~
MzP<3
For those of you who don't already know, it's on www.perezhilton.com. In short, Chris Brown beat up Rihanna. In A rented Lamborghini. Until she was almost unconscious.
So last night, I read the story from front to back. Right from the start. I saw the pictures.
And what did I feel? Mostly anger. I felt kind of numb. And I felt the pain of going through it. Knowing what Rihanna felt. Or is feeling right now.
The pictures were incredibly bad. Shocking. I can only imagine what it feels like to get those kind of injuries. To have your head banged on the passenger window. To be punched repeatedly on the head and face. To be punched on the arms while trying to protect yourself. To be headlocked so you can't make a call. To be threatened to be killed. To be punched on the legs when you try to push him away. To be bit on the arm and fingers when you try to fight back. And then to be strangled until you lose consciousness. Then, finally to be left in the car alone.
It's outrageous. So much so that most radio stations are not playing Chris Brown's songs anymore. He's dropped from commercials. Basically, his career is almost over.
And then a huge uproar from people when the couple seemingly got back together. Oh my God.
Then part of me understands. Although Rihanna has a 100% chance of getting someone better than him, the problem is love. I mean, on her part. The lack of remorse from Chris Brown just got me to assume he doesn't love her that much anyway. So she loves him. Love.
Then I reflected on something. I had principles. I said to myself that if a guy ever beats me down, I won't think twice to leave.
And then I thought of him. The one I love. And then I realized. Even if he beats me down that bad, or worse, I'd probably still get back together with him. I probably would. It's really wrong. But then I understand. I understand when you get blinded by love. I'd tell Rihanna to get some help, some counselling, some perspective. I'd tell her to show the whole world how to be strong and to know what to do. But then again, I know in the end she's only human. At best, she's just like the rest of us. Her thought process is probably the same as ours.
Oh and did I tell you we're the same age? Oh, and so are our boyfriends.
Still, domestic violence is never ever alright. No matter how provoked you are. It is downright criminal.
Here's hoping Rihanna will realise that soon. And so will the rest of the world. Giving us some hope that we could always always always fall in love again. And be happy again.
LoVe~
MzP<3
08 March 2009
One Love
I'm trapped. Between here and there. Between now and then. Between right and wrong.
When you think something is worth it, you fight for it. You give up alot for it. But at one point even thebest thing has a stop. Has an end. Where, after giving up everything you can, and some things you can't, you realise you can't give up anymore.
Sometimes, when you have nothing left to give up for that one single thing, you walk away. You have to. Don't think of the time spent. Don't think of emotions. Think of moving on. Think of learning.
I fell in love.
Yes, I did. And I didn't believe in love, remember.
And it was great. Fairytale. Hard, but real. One to keep. One to cherish. One to miss.
Love is one thing I would fight for. And I did. I really did. I fought for it tooth and nail. And then it comes to a point. A point where I have to give up other loves to keep this one. Love for my mother. Love of life. Love of friends. Love of myself.
The only thing you shouldn't give up for love is love itself, I believe. For although this one love enriches everything, it is but only one love.
Imagine. Imagine losing the love of your life. But imagine losing all other loves to keep it. Will you be happy in the end? Will I?
But when I said, "50 years from now, when I look at you, I would still see you the way I see you now," I wasn't kidding. I wanted to be there 50 years from now. I want to still look at you and only you 50 years from now. But you know what? If I do stay with you, I won't last 50 years.
So I'm moving on. And I'm taking back everything. Everything I gave away. Everything I lost. And I'll smile. Because even if it hurts, I'd at least have the satisfaction of knowing that Romeo and Juliet wouldn't be together for long if they stayed alive. And I'd be happy knowing I won't end up like them.
LoVe~
MzP<3
When you think something is worth it, you fight for it. You give up alot for it. But at one point even thebest thing has a stop. Has an end. Where, after giving up everything you can, and some things you can't, you realise you can't give up anymore.
Sometimes, when you have nothing left to give up for that one single thing, you walk away. You have to. Don't think of the time spent. Don't think of emotions. Think of moving on. Think of learning.
I fell in love.
Yes, I did. And I didn't believe in love, remember.
And it was great. Fairytale. Hard, but real. One to keep. One to cherish. One to miss.
Love is one thing I would fight for. And I did. I really did. I fought for it tooth and nail. And then it comes to a point. A point where I have to give up other loves to keep this one. Love for my mother. Love of life. Love of friends. Love of myself.
The only thing you shouldn't give up for love is love itself, I believe. For although this one love enriches everything, it is but only one love.
Imagine. Imagine losing the love of your life. But imagine losing all other loves to keep it. Will you be happy in the end? Will I?
But when I said, "50 years from now, when I look at you, I would still see you the way I see you now," I wasn't kidding. I wanted to be there 50 years from now. I want to still look at you and only you 50 years from now. But you know what? If I do stay with you, I won't last 50 years.
So I'm moving on. And I'm taking back everything. Everything I gave away. Everything I lost. And I'll smile. Because even if it hurts, I'd at least have the satisfaction of knowing that Romeo and Juliet wouldn't be together for long if they stayed alive. And I'd be happy knowing I won't end up like them.
LoVe~
MzP<3
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