Up and Down

My hair smells like... mint chocolate chip ice cream!!! Courtesy of my new shampoo. I love it. It's, like, the best shampoo ever.

Today was Malaysian Fest 2008. I didn't expect it to be that big and I didn't expect that many people to turn up. Yea, I had fun! It's also Malaysia's merdeka today.

Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!

Didn't get to see the fireworks this year. Didn't get to celebrate at midnight. But it's all good. I actually felt very much like I'm back home at Malaysian Fest. Nostalgic!

And then it's the first day of Ramadhan tomorrow. Wow. Fasting month. I'm so happy it's here. So so so so so happy!!! Hopefully the whole month goes smoothly.

Later.

Just got off the phone with my mum. She's mad. Like, really mad. Because I have a boyfriend.

I don't really know exactly why. Everybody else has boyfriends here. Some even live together. Some got married without their parents knowing. I don't want to compare. But. Sometimes, I just can't help but to compare. I mean, we don't even live in the same city (Me and him
). It's just another long-distance thing for me. Just a shorter distance than before.

He might not seem perfect. But he's good enough for me. Why can't my mum be like other parents and let me live. Let me make my own mistakes. I mean, I'm not complaining. And I'm not comparing. I know she does this because she loves me. I love my parents too. More than anything. But sometimes, just sometimes, it's not all about them. It's not all about me too. It's about an equation. We balance both sides. I'm trying not to tip the scales. I mean, if I'm just looking out for myself, I could just take the easy way out. But I'm not. Taking the easy way out, no matter how tempting it is right now, is selfish, foolish and cowardly.

What? I should just have stuck to the right thing in the first place? And then what would life be? Dull. Boring. And how the hell would I learn?


LoVe~
MzP<3

Another Post

I am born in the year of the rabbit, according to the Chinese calendar. And the one characteristic of the rabbit that's quite prominent is that the rabbit hates confrontations. Hates them alot.

And I do. I hate them. I'm not trying to justify myself in any way. I'm just saying I hate it. Confrontations can get way messy. Which is why I avoid it to the very end. Bad, but I can't help it. Still not making any excuses. It's all my bad. I admit it.

Yes, I make mistakes. I'm human after all. But what if I don't consider it a mistake? Like someone who never showed any remorse in murdering someone they hate. It doesn't make it any right-er (is that a word?). Murdering is still wrong.

Wait. Hold that thought. I didn't murder anyone. But.. I may as well have.

And although I don't regret it... (yet) and I don't think it's a mistake... (yet) I still apologise for the people I hurt. I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry, OK. I really am.

I guess it won't be life though if you don't (intentionally or unintentionally) hurt someone along the way. It's not life if you don't get hurt along the way too. It's the way we are built. It's the way we learn. After all, there's a reason Shakespeare said: "To err is human; To forgive, divine."

It takes some fear to make you trust, it takes those tears to make it rust. It takes the dust to have it polished.

Jason Mraz said that. He's right.

Oh, did I mention I didn't get to see his concert??? I was so upset!!! It was Jason Mraz! And I missed it! I blame it on everyone else who went. Hmph. Tak ajak.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Box Office Hits

Slept at 4 am last night. For good reason this time: Stayed up all night chatting with Rahman on MSN. About what? A movie storyline. Well, he probably didn't sleep late, because he's all the way in Germany.

So we came up with this storyline where I am the main actress. Other characters: Vin Diesel as my boyfriend and Johnny Depp as the villain. Amanda Seyfried is my best friend. It's like, soooo cool. The story is set up in the year 2056. After a massive nuclear war which practically destroyed the whole world. We developed a great story in those few hours. And even a twist in the ending. What can I say, great minds think alike. And when you put these two great minds together, you're looking at the next Box Office hit.

We are still pondering on the title though. So far, the shortlisted titles are:

Covert
Sanctimony
Rapacious
Defalcation
Lechery
Ignominy

Cool huh? Lechery is our main one. It just sounds so cool. But we're still not sure yet. There's not a confirmed title yet. Maybe it'll come to us as the storyline evolves further. Which one would you not stand to miss in the movies??

Anyway... MGM (Malam Gema Merdeka) is overrrrr. Kind of sad and glad at the same time. Glad because it's finally finally done. Sad because I've met so many new friends during the practices and such that I probably wouldn't have known anywhere else. And also a nice excuse to spend time with a lot of friends during the weekend. An excuse to talk to a crush... ;)

I got to know May and Yalis and Fatin and Ameen and Joe (aka Idzani) and Nik Amir and Azyura and lots and lots more. I probably won't be seeing them around much anymore after this. That's sad.

MGM turned out great. A nice success. Seeing as we didn't actually have a full rehearsal. Some glitches here and there. But oh well, we can't expect too much from a bunch of kids with shitloads of work that only get to meet up on weekends to practice.

So all in all, we all had a great time. And that is all that matters!


LoVe~
MzP<3

Right and Wrong

Today could be a great day. Or one of the worse days.

I've been getting myself into shit. Deep shit. It's one of those many many times in life where you are given a choice - to do the right thing or not. And this is where I say, I chose to not do the right thing. Because I didn't want to. I just don't want to. Yes, you might say I'm stupid. I might say I'm stupid too. But strangely, I'm not regretting anything. I just feel bad. Not too bad though.

But then again, what really defines the right and the wrong? I'm so sick of looking into the future, looking at the long run. So sick of doing what's best for me in the long run. So I did something that may ruin it. And what's the big deal? I have no idea.

I just know, doing something bad comes with consequences. So I'll probably be punished for this. Someday. Sooner or later.

Also for the stupid medicine I haven't taken for 4 days in a row. Shit. Now that's bad. Don't worry, I'll only die if I stop taking it for months. So yeah, I'm still safe.

But you know what? I'm going to enjoy this as much as I can... While its lasts. Because I know very well, although it is not right, it is also not entirely wrong.

At the same time, I am happy. Not ecstatic, exactly, more like, contentedly happy. Like, I just feel covered in a warm glow all over. It's kind of nice. I hope it lasts long.

One more thing. I need advice. Or perhaps someone to talk to. Everyone I ask would actually say I should do the 'right' thing. The problem is, eventhough at times it's very clear what's right and what's wrong, at times it's just not. And maybe someone who steps in my shoes, know what I know, and see it from my point of view.

I miss Malaysia now. I really do. But I'm glad I'm in Sydney. I love Sydney. It's good. Great.

I just really hope the dawn is near.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Unability to Do

Another day.

I seriously need to get my life back in order. Today sucks. Again.

But you know what the problem is? I like the highs of life. The high that is so high that it leads to the lowest of lows. And this change could happen in all of 5 seconds. So right now I'm thinking, is this high actually worth it? Worth suffering for later? (Oh, and no, I'm not talking about drugs.)

It so sucks when you want to do something, and you set your mind to it. But when the time comes, you can't actually do it. And then you fall in this mild state of depression, and find comfort in things you're not supposed to do.

Case in point: right now. I want to do my laundry now. Like, I've taught about it. I planned it. I sacrificed gym time for it. And then, guess what? I don't have gold coins. No gold coins! I can't do laundry without gold coins. And now, I've fall into this mild depression state which prevents me from functioning normally. And here I am. Writing a blog post. Instead of doing something more beneficial. Like doing the laundry. Or eat, since I haven't eaten since morning.

This sucks! I can't postpone the laundry another day! It'll just make me more depressed, and have to sacrifice even more gym time. See my point?

OK, I'd better pick my butt off and eat. Or look for those dastardly gold coins. Whatever.

Oh. And he didn't reply my IM. Hello? What is this world coming to?



LoVe~
MzP<3

Academic Blues

I've joined the gym! I know, whoa right? It's been 3 days now, and I went for the first two days. Didn't go today: overslept. And I was fasting anyway, can't imagine running 2km without a sip of water. Definitely planning to go tomorrow. Wanna join? I so want to do Pilates. Right before the MSA BBQ. We've got to make the BBQ guilt-free right? Hehe.

So far, Sydney has been good and bad. Good: Made more new friends. Got closer to existing ones. Bad: Ida and Yaya went back. Spent so much $.

So far, I've spend AUD300 on text books only. Seriously. And I haven't bought all yet. Since when is the price of education so high?

It was just the other day I was in Economics class when my really smart lecturer taught opportunity cost. The opportunity cost of an international student attending one hour of class is at least AUD40. 40 freaking dollars for an hour! We all lose that much for an hour of education, but tell me of a job that pays that much after we all graduate. I mean, convert that to RM. That would be RM120, give or take. Tell me of a job in Malaysia, my beloved country, that pays that much an hour for someone who only has a degree. Tell me of a job that pays that much a day. And yet, what kind of fools are we to pay that much for an education. Why is the demand for education so high that it pushes the price to be so high? The opportunity cost of it is too high. And yet, the price of education is rising still. At what price would we actually realise that the opportunity cost of an education is too high to even be worth it anymore? When would we realise that we could take all of that money spent and make use of it for so much better things?

But the world is weird like that. I read that Japan, at one point, had 4 million tonnes of rice in storage. 4 million tonnes. And it's costing them Y60 billion a year for the price of storage. All this just to set minimum price of rice in Japan (which was 5 times the world price). And yet, there are still hundreds of millions of starving people in the world. Hello? Why are we doing things like that? Rather than store the rice, why not donate it to the UN World Food Program? And the Y60 billion, if put in banks, could earn interests that could support millions of hungry children indefinitely. Yes, we're talking INDEFINITELY.

I still can't believe some people can't see the consequences to actions like this. Well, maybe then, I could see the significance of education. So that we don't make these kinds of mistakes. But then again, how do we go around still making a mistake that costs billions after having an education that costs us 40 dollars an hour. So is education all it's caught up to be?

Am I talking crap?

But you've got to agree: At a personal cost of 40 dollars an hour, we should better be able to change the world. Or at least, ourselves, so that we don't do these to the world.

OK, rant over.

On a lighter note, I have a crush! Yay me for getting over that stupid idiot excuse of a man. He makes men all around look bad just because he is one of them. These are the men who taints the names of men everywhere. Well, we all learn from mistakes, don't we. Which for me is that the opportunity cost of being with him is too great. He just turned elastic. Good for me.


LoVe~
MzP<3 style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">P.S. Sorry for the economics terms. I'm just very interested in it right now. Though not for long if I can't find the freaking text book!

Malaysian Memories

I'm back in Sydney. Wow. Malaysia truly didn't disappoint me this time around. In fact, that is big understatement.

Malaysia this time was the most fun I've had in a long long loooong time. So fun, in fact, that I would forever want to preserve the one and a half months in my mind and never ever ever let it go.

It all started with Langkawi. That was amazing. 3 days of sand, sea and sun is the best best best thing ever. It was the company. Lets see: Me, Julie, Imi, NJ, Atashin, Koyot, Kimbu, Poke, Atrash, Yap, EG, Afif, Elisha and Zeph and Alin. I don't think I have ever had that much fun, ever. These are the good memories that would make me cry someday. Beautiful.

During the holidays, I met my best friends: Julie, Iman, Eiman and the rest. I met men. Dated them and had a blast. And I also learned: Men are scumbags. Which made me appreciate what I had even more.

There was the going out until the wee hours of the morning. And there was the sleepovers. Cupcakes. Walking from KLCC to Pavilion. Eating Tony Roma's and Kenny Rogers and Lamb Mandy at Ar-Rawsha and of course, my mom's ever famous Nasi Lemak.

There was the huge EDC gathering at Midvalley, where I met everyone I haven't met for so so long. Of course, movie watching. And playgrounds. Camwhoring like I've never done in my life. Songs sang on the guitars and the radio. Getting my phone barred for talking until 7am. Kuay Teow Goreng at Julie's. Cried at the spicyness of her mom's Kuay Teow. Lost with Balqis.

Wished upon lots and lots of shooting stars on one night. Laughed like I never laughed before, at the funniest jokes ever. Eating durian like there's no tomorrow. Getting Prince a girlfriend (finally). Getting sick, which was the worse fever ever. Then, getting kinda bonkers on my really strong medication. Talking crap.

Going on 2 dates a day, including a breakfast date. Won a musical chair competition (yay me!). Finally talked to a crush of 2 years. Slept on the beach for two nights in a row (Well, not really sleeping...). Swam in the ocean at 6.30am. Lost my wallet, and found it again the next day. Fell in lust with a guy. Broke up with BF/exBF. Got back together again with BF/exBF (nothing new there). Had the EDC gang over for a farewell lunch. Went to UITM and back (whoa!).

Went shopping like crazy because of the sale. Watched the Dark Night twice. Organized a small treasure hunt for the kids. Celebrated mom and aunt and brother's birthday. Downloaded 1000++ songs. Wake up really really late. Lost weight (!!!). Snuck two guys into the house at 2 in the morning to watch a movie. Just a movie, OK. Actually see the house finally up.

See? It was near perfect. What would make it really perfect perfect is if I get to see my Taylor's friends. Get to got to the waterfalls. And if we moved. Oh, and if a particular guy had called.

And for the first time, my parents were cool. Really cool. Unbelievable. I mean, they didn't even call to tell me go home. I was virtually curfew-less. But I didn't take advantage of it. I'm still a good girl. Always is, always will be.

So Malaysia was good. It was more than good, it was great. And I'll miss the Winter of '08 forever. I could say I lived more in those 1 and a half months than I did practically all my life, so far. So it is said, 'That it happens only once is what makes life so beautiful'. So I know this won't ever repeat itself. But I hope I'll have at least this much fun the next time around.

But I seriously doubt it if Julie is not around anymore. OMG, sedih! Sob fest!! Cry. Tears. That may be the last time I get to spend with Julie that much. And though I'm glad we used it to the fullest, I'm still sad as hell. Like you can't believe. Julie, don't go. Baby, I'm gonna miss you bloody alot. And don't you dare ever ever ever ever EVER EVER EVER forget about me!!! I mean, EVER.


LoVe~
MzP<3