Him

It's been more than a week I 'broke up' with my BF/xBF. Well, we haven't been talking either. By the way, he's not the guy I was talking about in my last post. That's another lifetime altogether. I'm not actually not that sad anymore. If he didn't make an effort to get back with me then it surely is time for things to really end. I'm slowly but surely getting over him. He didn't call me after my mum told him about my 'sickness'(I'm not comfortable with everyone knowing about it.). Seriously, is that someone who cares. All the time when I am with him, people blames me for everything gone wrong. I'm always blamed, even by my own mother. They don't see the real him.

Somehow he acts with everyone except me. He takes care of everyone's hearts except me. That's why whenever I break off with him my stupid good-for-nothing family gets on his side everytime. But now you really see his true colours. He claims to love me so much, to not be able to live without me and that all his work earning money is for me. I know he lies alot. I mean alot. But didn't think he'd go that far to lie to me to keep me. Seriosly, if he really meant what he said he would at least try to get back with me other than calling me only twice this past week.

I'm sorry, I need attention. And I cannot be with a guy who doesn't work for me. I mean, that's what a girl's supposed to feel. Love and security. Everyone says he loves me more than I love him. But then they don't know him like I do. They don't know the effort I put in the relationship. They just see all those gifts he gave me in that big show-off way. I get it, money's important. But money you can get. affection and love you can't. I really shoukdn't have done what I'd done for him. That's the problem, even he only sees what he does for me. Not what I do for him. How the hell I get myself with this kind of people, I don't know. Maybe I always see through others' eyes, not my own. The ways he hurts me are endless. Then maybe I'm the blind one, not him.

I wonder why is it he never does wrong in everyone elses' eyes. Now I wish I'd never been serious with him. Seriously, putting your heart and soul into something that totally destroys, crashes and smashes in the end is so heartbreaking. I should 've been playing the field for the past 10 months than being with him. At least i could have had more fun. And i won't be dissapointed in someone doing this to me. I'm telling you I really regret it. Regret is the worst feeling in the world right? You know what I mean.

This is why I don't believe in love.


LoVe~
MzP<3