More Than a Woman

I watched Revolutionary Road today.

I'd like to say it was a good movie. But in a scarily not good way. I mean, to me, it's one of those movies that (to say 'touch; is putting it mildly) hits you. Right in the face. Right in the guts. I mean hit me. Me.

OKOK, I should warn you about spoilers here. Don't read further if you don't want to know what happened in the movie.

I am so alike her in the movie. In all her craziness. And I guess we all have it in us.

Why does it scare me so much though? Because while watching the movie, I realise that I'm actually looking at my future. Yes. And myself in the future.

Or possibly, one of the futures I would most probably end up with. Kids, cheating husband, unrealised dreams, wanting a change, and cheating on my husband with the next available guy. Umm... And being incredibly damaged in the process. Damaged enough to end up doing something irreversible.

Then suddenly I know. That is not what I'm going to end up to be. Living for a husband that just couldn't keep his mouth shut long enough to listen to my side of the story. Giving up everything for him. To end up being disappointed one more time. Being hurt.

I won't end up like her.

Instead I'd end up happier.

And above all, I wouldn't marry someone like that. Never. Because I know I'll end up exactly where she ended up in the end.

End of spoiler.

The movie hit home so hard, I was crying after I got out. After, not during.

I think most of all, is the realisation that I almost, almost, ended up like that. Almost. Really close.

On a happier note... Wait for it...

My Exam is FINISHED!!!!

Yayyy!!!

I'm done with Summer School. Done, I tell you. Can you believe it?? Finally!!!

And to make things a hell of alot better, guess what?? My boyfrind is coming back in 6 days. 6 days! OMG, I can't wait! It's like so short and yet so long a time to wait. 6 days!!!!!

It's like tomorrow, and yet feels like years. Finally the wait is almost over. Almost.


I'll just close my eyes and pretend I'm hugging you until you get here, baby.

So so so so so excited. I know I won't be able to sleep until the day comes. Gosh, like I need anymore lack of sleep here! Hehe. But it's all good. Maybe the only problem is his absence. So yea. Who cares if I lose a few more days of sleep? As long as he's coming back.


LoVe~
MzP<3

People We Love

I know in life we have to be thankful for the things we have. Not the things we lost.

But what if the things we lost is our closest and dearest friendships? The things I hold so close to my heart.

It is not the same. Not the same without them. My friends. The closest ones. I need them. I need to be surrounded by them.

I have lots of friends here, sure. But not the real close ones. The ones that you just can feel their sincerity of being with you, when they're around. Not just a 'I'm doing this because I'm nice' thing. I want more of those. More, please. I would give up almost everything else just to be surrounded with these friends 24/7. There is just no better feeling.

Watched Into The Wild? Even he said that happiness is nothing if you're alone. That is so true. So true. And this from a guy who seeks truth in his life. Just truth. (Julie, you're right about this movie, it's inspiring)

See, each and everyone of my close friends are different. Just so different. And no one could replace each one of them, nor would I want anyone to. I just wonder if they found a replacement for me... Sometimes.

My idea of heaven is being surrounded by them all. By the people I love so much. And who love me back. I don't care where we are, or what we do. As long as we have each other, it's alright.

And if heaven were not that. Then I'd be disappointed. Because what's the point of all the riches in the world without those whom we hold dear? Without other people, we're nobody. And without the people we love, we're half the person we could be.

I know I am.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Losing It

Exam coming up. Woohoo. Woot. What What.

(OK, clearly, I'm losing my mind.)

So today, in anticipation of exams, guess what I did. No, not study, guess again. Bake cupcakes! The thing is, the cupcakes baking thing was a total disaster. 1st batch - bad. 2nd batch- bad. 3rd and 4th batch - just BAD. When I finally gave up baking, and my housemate saying that perhaps I lost my 'touch', I finally realised what was wrong. The whole time. I haven't lost my 'touch'. I forgot to put one important ingredient: EGGS!!!

I'll explain something. Baking is my thing. My thing. It is really the thing I turn to when all else fails. When I'm depressed. When I have no motivation to study. When the world just seem wrong. Then, a nice tray of cupcakes that tastes marvelous, just seem to make everything right again, magically.

And today, it seems my screwed up week is complete. Not only have I screwed up my entire existence, I screwed up cupcakes. Cupcakes! The one thing I just don't screw up, if you've ever tasted my cupcakes.

Oh where the hell is that 'Motivation' paper when I need it??? I sure as hell need some motivation right now. God, I even need motivation to sleep.



Only one reason:

That boyfriend being away. Screwing up everything! Aaarrgghh.

Argh!!!


This is just sad. I can't concentrate on anything. Not even enough to remember to put eggs in my cupcakes! Do you really think I'd remember how to balance Cash Flow Statements? Not a chance. Not a chance in hell.

So what am I to do with this exam? I'm going to get lots and lots of red bull (with bull testicle extracts) and drink them before the exam. Oh do you know the tired, sleepy feeling you sometimes get during an exam? Would totally go away if you need to pee. Trust me. It works.

So wish me luck. Lots and lots and lots of it.


I want chocolate cupcakes!!! With chocolate icing!!!



LoVe~
MzP<3>

Something Missing

Dawn breaks.

Birds are chirping outside.

And I feel like throwing this laptop at those annoying chirping birds, reminding me of my severe insomnia. Who gets insomnia this bad that you just can't sleep until after dawn? Me. Mememe. Eww.

See, I've been having this crazy week. I can't sleep at night. My clothes are all over the place. My stupid alarm doesn't sound, making me miss my lecture. My whole body aches. Courtesy of not warming up before surfing. Lost one side of my contacts. There's still a big spider in my room walking around, threatening to bite my head off. At least one of its eight eyes must be on me even at this very moment. Waiting to strike. But I just can't seem to bring myself to kill it. Too cruel.

The thing is, as a result, my stomach can't decide whether it's full or hungry. I take my pills at screwed up times. I would sleep any other time than at night. Getting carpal tunnel from playing the computer too much. Food doesn't seem appealing. And my ears and nose hurts from supporting my big heavy glasses.

Oh, and I'm near broke. And it's the beginning of the month!

And I miss my baby!!! That is, I think, an indirect cause for all this craziness. And I was all like, "It's your fault!" And he's all like, "I know, baby. I know. I'm sorry." Which, made me miss him more. (Really, it kinda turns you on, doesn't it, when your BF takes the blame for your screwed up life)

Everything reminds me of him. Hummers and Woolies and X-Trails and shavers and phones and the red pillow and protein shakes and lectures and kisses and chocolate with nuts and ice cream and pancakes and Snickers and the sunrise and hugs and Bryan Adams and Troy and cinemas and Gungho and Wollongong and trains and Street Machine and my black dress and the flip flop and songs and Ivy and the Sydney Opera House..... and the list goes on and on.

Then I'd end up looking at pictures. Let me put one here. One that I've never posted anywhere else before.
Our first night together. It was this night he became my boyfriend.

Pic taken in his car, on the way out with friends. Delafrance, I think. He didn't even notice I took the picture.

Wow. I love you, sayang.


LoVe~
MzP<3>

Cookie Monster Stuff

Episode 12. Season 5.

Best Grey's Anatomy episode ever.

Warning: Spoiler alert.

Whoa. It is one way to show how the world is not black and white. I mean, feeling compassion for a serial killer? Like, seriously, whoa. Telling a serial killer how to kill himself? Whoa. A serial killer who actually likes to kill. No, make that loves to kill.

Meredith Grey is seriously kick ass. KICK ASS.

This is the type of thing that really appeals to the deeper side of me. The side that doesn't usually rears it's head. A girl who actually don't mind screwing up her relationship with her potential mother-in-law is so damn freaking cool.

End of Spoiler.

So yes, you caught me. Wasting my time watching series again. 90210, Gossip Girl, Lipstick Jungle, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, Desperate Housewives, One Tree Hill.

Cookie Monster!!

Nah, that's nothing but a random title for the blog post. Hehe.

Why cookie monster? Well, why not cookie monster? He's big. And blue. And furry. And wishes the moon is a cookie. And we all know who he is. If you don't, well, umm... lose-er! So yeah, We all love cookie monster.

So he deserves to be the title of my blog post at least once. Hail cookie!


LoVe~
MzP<3>

Realization Attacks

Today is the day of realizations. More like the hour of realizations.

First, I realize my sleep time is soooo screwed up. Yea, I realized this when it's actually 5.20am, and I'm thinking, oh, it's still early. Guess it's turning into some weird routine where I just simply sleep after the sun rises. Don't ask why.

Then, another realization. It is way overdue for me to actually do something about this incredibly bland blog page. Seriously, it's way way past that time. But you can't blame me too much. I'm still figuring out the ISO thing so I can install the photoshop, so I can finally learn how to use it. And to finally design my blog. So, you just have to bear with it for a little while longer. Ummm... unless you want to give me a lesson on ISO? Please?

But between designing MSA stuff, social dance party stuff and ADND stuff, forgive me if my blog is the most uncreative one around. Seriously, for someone who thinks of herself to be creative, this blog is like the blandest of all bland. Trust me, no one is in more pain than I am opening my blog page. It's like, whoa. Bland. Like, oh, blog, instead of, yay, blog! You know what I mean?

And there is one big ass spider in my room. I'm ignoring it. Because first, killing it is just too cruel. My windows can't be opened. I'm too scared to catch it and release it outside. And it is not the Sydney funnel web spider for it doesn't have those big sharps fangs. As far as I know, it's not poisonous. So as long as it keeps its distance, I hope I'm safe.

I realise that counting sheep doesn't work. Or counting backwards from 10,000. Or relaxing my body. Or even putting all my thoughts into a TV and switching it off. Just not happening. Somehow I seem to sleep easily at any time of the day... except for when I'm supposed to. Seriously. That, to me, is one of those mysteries in life I could never answer.

Ummm... instead, would you like to know even more useless facts that only I seem to know because they're just so useless? Alright, I bet you wouldn't like to know. But oh well, couldn't hurt to try huh.

The male seahorse gets pregnant instead of the female.

Women are more likely to cheat in a long term relationship than men.

We burp 2 types of gasses, and we fart 4 types.

Eating fish everyday reduces the risk of getting Alzheimer's by 65%.

Fingernails grow 3 times faster than toenails.

The lighter was invented before the match.

By dropping the dollar sign $ in restaurants, they get customers to spend $5 more on average on a meal.

There are 70 million people who practice taekwando, and 4 million of them are black belts.

Strongest muscle in your body is the tongue.

49 countries reported XDR-TB. Extreme Drug Resistant TB.

Brain releases hormones serotonin and dopamine while shopping.

The popular ingredient taurine in energy drinks are taken from bulls' testicles.


Korean millitary practises taekwando as part of millitary training.

One frog species, its tadpoles are five times bigger than its adult frog.

The first email was sent by Queen Elizabeth.

The currency of Estonia is the Estonian Kroon.

The frog breathes using it's lungs or skin.

Okay, the last one is a joke. Exclusively for my cousin who thinks frogs breathes using gills. Because they're amphibians. OMG, we couldn't stop laughing about this. Oh, and by the way, turtle is penyu and tortoise is kura-kura. Please don't be confused about this. After all, we Malaysians are supposed to be bilingual experts. So please don't ruin the one thing we have.

Oh, and please please learn to spell Tyrannosaurus Rex. You'd be surprised at how many people out there who don't know how to spell this. C'mon! It's something you're supposed to know when you're 8 years old. So please. Please please please.

Oh, and if you're on the learning quest, please find out what the Illiad and the Odyssey are. Those two are really important part of history.

Having fun with all this interesting but useless information? But makes you want to know more, doesn't it? Sure. Till next time.

Oh, and in the meantime, you know what you have to do. Go do it. I challenge you to.


LoVe
MzP<3>

To Cheat or Not To Cheat?

Yesterday, I got a great piece of advice. It's a long winded advice, but to cut it short, and put it in a sentence, it would be:

"Don't cheat on your boyfriend unless you know that person is better than him."

I think that's genius. One of the best advice I'm given.

I mean, when you think about it, it's true. So true. I mean, why would you want to risk a breakup of a relationship if it's not with someone better, right? So it's more like, if you wanna trade, trade up. And you'll be alright.

You see, maybe that's the mistake some people make when they cheat. I mean, it's like a guy cheats on his girlfriend, but don't want to lose her. And when he does, he'll just realize it's not worth it anyway. So that's the thing. Don't regret. Cheat with someone better. Then if your partner leaves you, you get someone better. Knowing that gives you the power, doesn't it? But it's simple logic, don't you think?

Alright, alright, you might say it's a heartless thing to do. But I know that alot more people are selfish in this world. And do you really think your partner won't leave you if he/she finds someone better, someone more of his/her type, more of what he/she is looking for? Really. They will leave. And here, I would stress I'm talking solely for girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, and not about marriage. When you marry someone, it's a different story altogether, and don't you dare cheat.

So yes, it's like that. Admit it, if you find your soulmate tomorrow, and you are really perfect for each other, you will leave your partner. We humans are selfish. But I guess it's just so true.



Which is why I don't have a reason to cheat in my boyfriend. Not a reason. There is not one person that is better than him. Or more perfect for me. It's the reason of my monogamy. And thanks to the person who gave me this advice, and made me realize this. I would positively kill myself if I ever cheat on my boyfriend with someone worse, because I'm just putting myself in the dumpster. And since no one better exists, why do it at all?

Even if love is a small part of the consideration, if you don't love a person that much but you know you can spend forever together, and no one will be better, then dont cheat.

So yes, that piece of advice, although cruel in essence, is keeping my relationship together at the moment. And now you know, something bad can be good. The world is not black and white.

My sense of logic might be disconcerting. But we all know, falling back into logic once in awhile, might just save you.

Hell, it's saving me right now.


LoVe~
MzP<3