Mortality in Jeopardy

Right now, only one thought is repeatedly going through my mind: I wanna die!!! OK, glad to get that off my chest.

Reason: I have to send in a biiig assignment tomorrow. It's 40%!!! Forty-effing-percent and I have noooo effing idea what to write that is actually worth 40%!

And to make it worse, I have a mid-term exam tomorrow. Economics. And I have no idea even what to study. Between trying to write something that's worth 40% and studying for an exam worth 20%, on the same effing day, you know why my train of thought is what it is right now.

Once again, I feel like just dropping it all. You know, fuck it. Just fuck it. But 40% and 20%??? I can't even fuck it if I want to.

Sorry for being so negative in this post. But I am too negative right now.

Amidst all the bad things, though, there is one good thing. I have a big chance of making it as a Social Director for MSA. Yay! Social Director!! OK, I know I won't be excited about it so much once the workload comes rolling in, but right now I still consider it great. I mean, I have an excuse to go to the city every week again! I can organise dance parties!! I might still be a little too shy, but I'd be kick ass in this, you'll see.

BUT. Now, I still have to think about the 40% and 20% for tomorrow. And after it's over (at 5pm) I'll have even bigger problems to think about. Which is pushed to the back of my mind right now. Just to give you a sneak preview, I have another assignment to send in on the 3rd of October. During the holidays. But guess what? I'll be in MALAYSIA at the time. How the hell do I send a book when I'm in a different country altogether? Any ideas? But since I have no effing time to think about it now, I guess I've got to just suck it up at the moment.

Not to mention the fact that I have to start packing on Conception Day! C'mon, I just want to party but even that is apparently too much to ask for.

Hey, and does anybody else suddenly stop and think, "Where did the time go?" I feel like I'm in a time warp where I'm accidentally transfered to the future, missing alot of past events. Sort of like Adam Sandler in Click. What the hell happened this semester???

Then there's the fact that I'm still not in good terms with my mother. And I'm going to meet her in two effing days!

I'm dead. I wish I could mean that in the literal sense though. Literally, I'm alive. Just maybe having my soul sucked out. Soulless. So in a sense, I'm still dead.

When life is so topsy turvy, I can't help but wish things like that. How do you know what is more important: Your education, your happiness or your relationships? It's like the opportunity cost I learn in Economics. You can't have everything so you choose to do the things with the least opportunity cost. Because of limited resources. But when you don't deal with money, how do you know the value of the things you're giving up? How do you know what you give up is the least opportunity cost? HOW???

I apologise! I realise this post is the post with the most swearing I've ever written. And also I'd like to apologise for the typos which I know is soooo much in this post. Sorry, I'm basically rushing through this post so I can get back to my work. Why I even bother to write this post though? Because I need a break! And it's at least keeping me sane telling someone about it.


LoVe~
MzP<3