My baby is so merajuk already now... Because I wrote I wanna do Cam Gigandet. OMG, my baby is soooo cute, merajuk with me on Skype. Hehe.
OK, so in this post, I'll admit that I wanna so do Thaqeef Hisham even more than Cam Gigandet. Wanna see why?No kidding, that is the bicep of my boyfriend. My boyfriend. And the only reason I'm not putting up pictures of his abs... is because I so wanna keep some parts of him to myself. Hahaha. No, make that most parts of him. And my boyfriend is a black belt in Taekwando. Hah. Take that. (OMG, I never get sick of bragging about that. Hehe.)
Alright. At the risk of showing the world exactly how obsessed I am with him, and saving you from puking all over your keyboard, I'll just stop here.
Just one more thing: Wish you were here, baby. So bad. And then you'll know I haven't been thinking about Cam Gigandet even half as much as I've been thinking about you. Really.
So... yeah. Guess what? I'm considering taking up Krav Maga. Yea. It is only like the coolest martial arts out there. And the most realistic one. OK, courtesy of Cam Gigandet. But I'm not doing it solely because of him (Or so I tell myself), I'm doing it because of self defense. Krav Maga is the one martial arts that actually teaches you how to combat in real life situations, in real life scenarios. So yes, I think it's definitely the most suitable martial arts I could learn right now, given my extreme lack of martial arts background.
So I've been scouting around. There are classes in Sydney. One on Pitt St, one in Epping, and one in Sydney West. Thinking about the one on Pitt St. Anyone interested to join? It's not that expensive, I promise. Once a week class, held every Wednesday, for 8 weeks. Starting in February. Give me a buzz if you're interested. Oh, and because it's so intense, you have to be above 16 to join.
Thaqeef and I are so doing it. Yay. So so so excited. Though I expect I won't be very soon when they exhaust me in every class. Hmm... But still. And I have a feeling my dad would be OK with this martial arts. Because whenever I wanted to take up kickboxing or something, he keeps on complaining that I won't use them in real life situations. So, take that, daddy. I've found a martial arts form that actually teaches you how to deal in real life situations. So, any more reasons to say no? Hehe.
Oh, and if you don't know what Krav Maga is, and want to know, Wiki it. Trust me, after you read about the training, you'd so think it is damn cool. So come join me.
People are partying out there. Having fun. I can hear them out there. Almost calling to me. I'll bet Ivy is full to the brim. Wish I am there instead.
And here I am, in my room, in T-shirt and sweat pants. Waiting for my boyfriend to call.
Beyond pathetic, I know.
This is how we're celebrating our 5 months. Thousands of miles apart. With minimum means of communication. I'm sinking. Slowly.
One consolation to me: I'll be partying tomorrow night. Saturday. Woo-hoo.
So meanwhile, to while away the time, I'm doing... wait for it... Work! For the Malaysian Association thing. Designing the T-shirt, looking up websites, coming up with decorations, designing posters, online shopping, brainstorming, bla-di-bla-di-bla. And doing all that, came across the Oscar website. And a whole load of interesting stuff.
Live Academy Awards on TV on the 22nd of February!!!
So, I'm coming out with a list of all the movies I want to watch...
Here it is::::::Status: Watched! Verdict: Pretty good. Could be better though.Status: Anticipating. Verdict: Pretty much at the top of my list of must, must, must watch. Huge huge huge fan of the book.
Status: Anticipating. Verdict: If the Oscars is anything to go by, this movie must be pretty good. I'm just not so sure myself.
Status: Anticipating. Verdict: Firstly, it's Angelina Jolie! And second, I just know it's going to be amazing. High expectations for this one. Status: Watched! Verdict: By all means, go watch it. It is just touching and good and will leave this warm feeling inside you all over. Status: Anticipating. --> Watched! Verdict: A little half-half. Might be good, might be bad too. But friend said, with Jennifer Aniston, it can't really go wrong. Hmm.. She's got a point. --> Umm... Pretty draggy. But Touching. And I did wanna get a dog after this movie. (Can I, syg?...)
Status: Anticipating. Verdict: It's pretty high up the box office currently. Hopefully it's good.Status: Anticipating.--> Watched! Verdict: It's Meryl Streep!!! And so many Oscar nominations for this movie, I'd better not miss it. And trailer looks good.--> OMG, please go and watch it. It is just so good. I really like it. Just rocks. I doubt you won't find it a-mazing!Status: Anticipating. Verdict: Liked the other Underworlds. But one without Kate Beckinsale? Hmm.. I'm very very very skeptical. Status: Anticipating. Verdict: Also from the Oscars. Oh it sounds good now that I've read the summary thing. Won't miss it.
Status: Anticipating. (Well, not really) Verdict: Another kids' movie. Whoopee (That's sarcasm, people). Will watch it if nothing else to do. Might just get the DVD. Status: Anticipating. Verdict: Trailer looks good. Just not a big fan of Clive Owens. Still deciding...Status: Anticipating. Verdict: Sucker for Ralph Fienne's smiling eyes. Looks tasteful too. Status: Anticipating. Verdict: Seems like a movie I would like. But I'm not so sure. Hopefully I would.
Status: Anticipating. Verdict: Trailer is good. And I do have the hots for Dominic Cooper. Don't mind seeing him topless again... Hehe.
One more thing: I am so hot for Cam Gigandet right now. Or also known as James in Twilight. OMG he is so damn bloody HOTTT!!! Like so hot he's making my blood boil, my heart race, my toes curl, my breath heavy and all those all over body tingling sensations.
Fine, maybe it's a little bit of my obsession of the evil guys in movies. But seriously though. He's one of those who's really up there. Wayyy up there.
I mean, seriously, I would so much, like a thousand times over, do him than Edward Cullen in the movie. Just look at him. Now, tell me that is not hotttt. The abs... The biceps... The shoulders... Sure beats Edward Cullen's muka jambu. Hehe.
He's 26 and he's an expert in the Israeli martial arts Krav Maga. Coolness or what??!!
OMG OMG OMG. Now I know what I want for my birthday. Cam Gigandet. Him and just him. Please please please please please...
Have I ever told you about my fascination for men in uniform?
Of course not. Because I don't have that fascination.
I know of some girls who love men in uniform. You know, army, pilot, air force, and all that.
Not me. It's always the crisp suit that gets me. The tie and shiny shoes. The pressed shirt. Kept hair. The big shot impression. It's always that.
I'm always for men of power. That can hold his own. Call the shots. I'm all for that.
I had always wanted a man I could rely on. A man who holds his stance. Who has his own mind. Who has it figured out. Who knows what he wants and goes for it.
Someone who's not afraid to make the first move. And will just brush it off and laugh if turned down.
Enough of all this. Truthfully, I'm hiding. I'm hiding from what really is. And what is real is my fear and incapability of commitment. That is it, I know now. That's why I run. I always run. I always build that thick brick wall. The thing is, I don't know why. Or maybe I do. Maybe it's the hurt I can't stand.
Is it true that love is supposed to hurt? Then , I wouldn't want to love. I really wouldn't. Because the more you love someone, the more hurt you can get with every single mistake. So I'm blocking it. Is it me? Perhaps it's me. I'm sure it's me. It's me, no doubt about it.
But why? Why me? Why does it just have to hurt so damn bloody much, sometimes? So much it turns physical. And then I try to run again. And again.
Ugh! Doesn't anyone know when to let go anymore these days? Or how. There is a beauty in walking away. We all know that.
Help me, kids. I'm pleading not to hurt this much anymore. Begging.
Today could equal the worst day in my life if I think about it. I mean it should be the worst. It should.
Have I ever written about my logic theory?
The first part of the theory is that emotions do not exist.
Why? Because it's not logical. Because what we know exist is all in this world. It changes things. But think about it, when it comes to emotions, sure it influences people to do things and eventually change the world. But, when you don't act on it, it doesn't mean anything. It disappears. It's just a blip in you that might as well does not exist. So there it goes. There it goes. It's not logical.
Which is why breakups don't hurt me that much. Not because I'm less human. Not because I'm feeling-less. It's because of logic. Just logic. Seems cruel, sure. But I just don't see the point crying over it if it's not going to work out in the first place. I mean it's just so... illogical.
So yes, logic. Whether you like it or not, it's all around us. I mean even the beautiful sunset is a bunch of calculations.
I am not implying that you should take the beauty out of everything. Beauty is always there. Always. Because beauty is something I believe in. With all my heart.
So logic rules. In my book, if that can hurt you less, by all means do it. It might just make this world a better place.
When the clock strikes midnight tonight... I will turn... Yep, it's the big deal.
And at this same time tomorrow: Is the time I was born!!!
So the big 21. Yum.
I am: -Emancipated from my parents. That means I can actually get married without their permission. -I am a legal adult in most parts of the world. That means I can buy houses. Buy stuff. Apply things. -Responsible fully in law. Mmmm... No more juvy things. Wait maybe this isn't so great after all. -I can vote. Hah. Watch out politics, here I come!
Oh and by the way, I'll be in Ivy when the clock strikes midnight. And I'll be the one who's in the ball gown and horse drawn carriage... Definitely the opposite of Cinderella.
My wish for the 21st? That I'll be happy. As happy as can be the whole year through.
I've been thinking quite alot lately. More than usual.
I don't really like to think too much.
You know how thinking goes. One thing leads to another. And then, you start to question things. Question life. Then you question the higher things. And then you just about go crazy because you make your own conclusions because no other conclusions can be made that makes much sense, do you know what I mean, or don't you?
And then you'd feel depressed.
There's only so much a human's mind can take. And it's not alot, I can tell you.
So mostly, I shut off thoughts. I mean, I don't care if by thinking I can solve the next mystery of the world. I just won't do too much of it. Besides, someone else can solve the next mystery. I'm not up for the job.
There are no boundaries when we think, is there? And yet, there are alot of limitations.
And see, I'm the only one who can actually think of thinking itself.
Sometimes, I feel (trying not to use 'think' here) that I prefer becoming more bimbo-like. Well, not a bimbo per say. Just bimbo-like. For sometimes choosing between Vogue and The Economist can just keep me reeling, and I would definitely end up with Vogue. I love economics. But when I pick up the magazine, I just can't see any other point to it. And knowledge can come in many forms, depending on which life you lead, or what you believe. So yes, I know what the multiplier effect is, and I know who is Akerloff. But probably that information is less valuable to one person than it is to another. And who's to say I'd be any less smarter if I pick up Vogue.
That is also the reason I read chick-lit instead of hardcore classic literature. Or why I'd be more interested in conversations detailing some gossip than what's the economic pros and cons of the Kyoto protocol. Not that I don't have my own arguments. But possibly a part of me is just sick of people trying to prove in vain that they're better than the other, with so-called 'intellectual' arguments. In reality, I know in the end, people will only hear what they want to hear than what's really being said.
"When you go shopping and you see the most gorgeous pair of shoes and they're the last pair, and they're your size, it's a sign from God. You have to buy them!"
No kidding, that is the bicep of my boyfriend. My boyfriend. And the only reason I'm not putting up pictures of his abs... is because I so wanna keep some parts of him to myself. Hahaha. No, make that most parts of him.
