Depression... Why?

I haven't been writing for quite some time, I know. I wanted to write a few days ago but I was too happy to write. I wonder, why is it that most people write blogs when they're unhappy or depressed and blame it all on the world (Like I am now). Well, it's stupid, beacause nobody is going to read a very depressed blog about anyone because, well, it's depressing.

Why is it that we don't know why we're depressed. It's like something so wrong is happening but actually nothing is wrong. I have no idea. In my case, when I'm depressed, I feel like something bad is going to happen. What makes matters worse is that sometimes, it does happen. Thinking about this makes my depression worse.

I feel like something bad is going to happen later, and I have this very deep feeling that it's going to involve my father. Like he's going to be very angry about something. I moght have some vague idea what he's going to be angry about but I'm not very sure just yet. I mean, if he's angry because of what I think he's angry for, then what the hell am I going to say to him? Should I plan what to say now or just don't think about it untill it really happens? Seriously, knowing a tiny little bit about the near future is not really a good thing all the time. You might think, sure it's good, because you can prepare for it. This is true at a certain extent. But what if preparing for it is what is going to cause the problem. Then what? It's like, because we know it, it's going to happen. What if we don't know? Is the problem going to happen if we don't know about it? I'm always curious about that.

The other thing that I think might be a problem is the RSVP for tomorrow. I'm having a lunch at my house where my mom's cooking nasi lemak for my friends. Most of them just can't make it. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed beacause they all might just call and cancel at the last possible minute. Shit, what am I supposed to do then? Especially if my mom has already cooked for them. Then, she'd bury me so deep in the ground that the heat from the earth's core will incinerate me and my sorry ass.

Well, I'd write about the result of my depression later. Now, I'd better just face it. By the way, if any of my friends are reading this before tomorrow, please consider coming for lunch! RSVP me tonight!


LoVe~
MzP<3