Gone

Oh no, I told you I'd jinx it when I write about guys in here. Boo.

Yeah, I'm just losing interest in him. I guess I'm sick of good guys: Men who look good on paper. Much prefer bad boys, if you know what I mean.

My problem with good guys are, there's always something to hide, with them. There is something lurking behind those kind eyes, nice smile and neat hair. And I guess I'm sick of that.

And also I know for sure this time, I'm not ready. After everything, I realised I should not try to get a guy to commit when I don't really want it myself. So yeah. Single, and you've got to be pretty amazing to change that. :)


Saying that, hmm.. Perhaps I was too quick in saying what I said about white guys. And that's all you're going to get :P



Ergh, exams are coming soon. So right now, I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor, wrapped in my leopard print blanket, staring at my open text book (yeah, while writing my blog :P), pen in my hand. What I know is, when the inspiration and drive hits, I could study for 11 hours straight, non-stop. But when it doesn't, 11 minutes is a challenge. And right now, it's not hitting. Or at least not hard enough. (LOL, that's what she said, right?)


I'll tell you, I miss my friends. The ones back then I used to hang out with, who went home. I really miss them. Although I've got lots of new ones, they'll never replace the rest. Oh how I wish sometimes I see their faces around uni again, have coffee with them, gossiping, or just chilling in the Ubar after class. I'm talking about the ones who I may never see again, ever. I mean, I miss my Malaysian friends too, but see, I've got the rest of my life there. And sure as hell, I'm gonna make sure we'll be in each others' lives again.

And there are the rest. Like Jenda, John, Tiger, The Singaporeans (yes, they'd still be near-ish, but still how often do I go there?), Dittow, The Germans (Though they were only here for a semester!), Angelita, The Frenchies, Ingrid, Inneke, RA Joe, Katie and Becca, Kinan, Nina, Steph, Tuomas, Urvi, The Indians etc etc.

There's a thousand words that I could say

to make you come home.

Seems so long ago you walked away

and left me alone.

If I could just find a way

to make it so that you were right here right now...

Time is passing so slowly now

Guess that's my life without you

And maybe I could change my everyday

But baby I don't want to.

So I'll just hang around and find some things to do

to take my mind off missing you...

Baby why can't you see

that I need you here with me?

But the truth remains you're...

Gone.

You know what I feel like kicking myself for? Not taking more pictures!! (Mental kick in the ass!) Life is too short, hey? Don't make my mistake.

One good news: I may get to see Julie again in a few weeks. And life doesn't seem so bad anymore...=)

LoVe~

MzP<3

Shiver

Winter is well on its way!

Been quite cold lately, rainy and wet and humid and cold. So I shiver. : )

Some things are looking up, and I'm quite happy.

I do believe I owe you another party. That's coming up, I haven't forgotten.

So guess what? I'll tell you.

Some days ago, my ex added me back on FB, wanting to be friends again. See, I'm friends with pretty much all my exes, never really hold on to bad stuff that transpired, and I kind of like that I am, mostly because I know the feelings are not there anymore, so why dwell on them, right? So why haven't I accepted him on FB? I don't know, really. Mostly because I don't trust FB: too much exposure. I guess I just have the thought; if he really wanted to be friends, he should have called/texted about catching up. I don't accept friend requests from people with questionable intentions (or you know, intentions I can't determine). I used to... Learned from that mistake! I'm not saying he's a bad person (I dated the guy remember?) but I reckon I should know for sure that he really wants to be friends and not just trying to find out what I've been up to.

Finished my cookies!! Aww... Was supposed to make some with Dee when she came, but we never got around to it. Made some last week instead. For you, Dee!! (Sorry you didn't get any...)

Right now, I'm writing in my diary at the same time. I don't know how I'm managing it, seems like so much work for one night! I'm already an hour past me intended bedtime tonight.. : (


Alright, I'm finally coming out with it... Remember me saying that I may be ready to settle down? I think I may have found the person to finally do it with. Like always, I never like to give it away, you know, not jinx it. This time, though, I really do like him. It's been roughly a month and abit that things kinda started. I wouldn't go around professing my undying love or anything like that. Still taking things slow, steady. But I tell you one thing, he does make me smile.

Cause I shiver
I just break up
When I'm near you
It all gets out of hand
Yes I shiver
I get bent up
There's no way that
I know you'll understand

He's not here right now. In another country. And before he left, he said he's gonna miss me. And that just about killed me. Waiting is not my strong point, I just hate waiting more than anything... And it's worse now. But I know there's no one else. I told him I'll be here when he gets back. And I will.

... No he's not white. Or Malay. LOL.

What if you get off at the next stop
Would you just wave as I'm drifting off
If I never saw you again
Could I keep all of this

Inside

Am I happy? Yes, I'd say so.

Now I'd better hit the sack. Sleep seems better than hearing sappy old love songs on Youtube. Haha.

LoVe~

MzP<3

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Alright, maybe it has been abit too educational. Let's have fun a little, hey?


Yes, yes, I do party quite abit in my years in Sydney. And there may or may not be rumors and things about how wild are the parties I go to. See, the reason I never wrote about them before, was to avoid misunderstandings and speculations about my life here.

So I would like to maintain that my life here in Sydney is about studying. Granted, that has gone through some ups and downs, but it's still the main thing. And my degree comes first, always.

I just know how to have fun. Winding down, getting rid of the stress, whatever you call it. I do it well :)

Oh, and just do be clear, I do not drink alcohol. Yesh, boring me not touching the stuff. And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to read further knowing my adventures are not of drunken misdeeds, foolishness and embarrassments. I warned you, my parties are not too crazy. And yet, not a BBQ with the relatives either, if you know what I mean. First of all, all of my other friends drink. And when they become crazy, I kind of join in the fun too. You know, I just usually am of sound mind and know when to stop. Boriiing. LOL.


I don't really hangout with Malaysians though. A few, yes, but usually not. Why not? Well, because I have experience with the crowd, they judge and then they gossip. I've got enough after high school experience to know this. And perhaps I'm being unfair, putting them all in one basket, but see, I've got to choose, they make me choose. It's either them or the rest of the community. I wish they'd join me sometimes.



So yes, some of the best and memorable parties I've had. Man, they're good. Not because of the wildness. I'll put in some wildness, but not too much, alright?

It's much better to face these kinds of things

with a sense of poise and rationality

Number one on list: There was this Halloween cruise in 2009 by MUV that I went to. Dressed up as a Catwoman (with a WHIP!! :P). As in, Halle Berry Catwoman. The cruise was so-so. Whatever. But after the cruise, a bunch of guys were talking about an afterparty. Deepak told me to come, with Joe and them. So I went. Night was still young, really.

What we did was, we walked around looking for a liquor store, then went back to an apartment of a guy named Armin (Dude, first time I met the guy. And to this day, I don't know where he's from!) He has one of those apartments with big, superhuge windows and killer views of the harbour. So we put on music, turned lights down, and did stupid stuff like play Guitar Hero and sing at the top of our voices and jump around and give massages (in our Halloween costumes! LOL). I think there was around 20 of us or so. Including a few German girls. Guess we got bored, when someone, (might or might not be Joe), suggested we move the party somewhere. Somewhere with an even better view. So they packed up their beers and we took the elevator to a higher floor, and snuck into the pool area. By this, I mean we climbed over the gate, costumes and all!

The view from the balcony, (and I kid you not) was the Opera House on the right, and the Harbor Bridge on the left. It was epic! We took like a million photos. They drank their beers. We didn't touch the pool, until Ali, big guy, proceeded to pick me up and toss me into the pool, costume and all. Cold water! That was the cue. Everyone else took off their clothes (in underwear: don't go imagining stuff here!) and went into the big warm sauna... with their beers... in direct view of the security cameras. 

Security came in after around 30 mins, to kick us out. But then they made a deal. He said, they saw how many of us were in the pool, so they'll open the bar for us. This was at 2am in the morning! So, excitedly, we got out, dried off (I had to borrow Armin's GF's clothes because mine was drenched), and went to the fancy bar. They were drinking shots and all those stuff.

But of course, no party is ever complete without a big McDonald's meal. After hours at the bar, playing drinking games, and millions of shots later, we all walked to Macca's (me with my whip, of course) and got ourselves really good food. Man, to this day, I'd say they were the best fries I'd ever tasted.

See, not too crazy right? Wait for it.

This calls for a toast, so pour the champagne!

Next party is coming up. Will write later.

LoVe~

MzP<3

Heal the World

Dude.

Good news, depression over!!! I don't know, just woke up one morning feeling pretty happy and glowing all over. Which doesn't make sense since my problems now are more than ever. But yeah. (Perhaps there's a problem right there that I should check out. Too weird.)

So today I had the best vegetarian meal EVER. San is doing lent, so she doesn't eat meat (on weekdays only, but don't ask me why), so we eat vegetarian stuff. And today she cooked Red Bean Chilli with rice, and it's soooooo good.

I also made scones today. Cute little ones in shapes. Alright, I was kinda bored... And craving scones. They turned out nice and soft... Guess I did something right. :)

My appetite returned, too. I've been eating like a pig lately!

So. Wanna learn something?

I was reading about the Gaia Hypothesis the other day (Pay attention, this is the 'theory' applied to the movie Avatar, you know). If you're familiar with Greek mythology, you'd know that Gaia is mother earth. She pretty much is the mother to all of the Greek Gods. So that's where the name of theory came from. A guy called Lovelock came up with the hypothesis and wrote a book on it back in the 70's (I think).

Basically, the theory is that the Earth, and everything in it, is one large organism. Like, the only reason the Earth supports life (as opposed to other planets), is because the life on it actually supports each other, and made the Earth a livable place. In the book Lovelock wrote, he put across studies and data that actually shows that the Earth should be a very unstable planet. The gas combination, for example, could actually be quite an impossible combination in itself. But somehow, it works, because of all of Earth's content working together, complimenting each other. Kind of like an equilibrium. One of the evidence is that although the heat from the sun increases with time, the overall temperature of Earth stays more or less constant since the Earth first exists. Interesting huh? He made a model called 'Daisyworld' to show what he meant. Read about it, very interesting!

Of course there are lots of arguments against the theory. As of course, there should be. One of the arguments would be on the definition of an 'organism', which really, is not quite confirmed over the years.

Either way, one thing we should remember is that we are all part of an organism. Like an organ in a person's body that does certain work. There would be, and should be a purpose we are here, just like every other organ that exists. The Gaia hypothesis actually states that any living organism on Earth that helps in the Earth's survival is more likely to survive than organisms that destroys the environment.

And to think that humans are cocky enough to think we, the homo sapiens, would survive forever just because we are 'cleverer' than animals or plants. Dude. Open your eyes. Our species are are still young, relatively. Don't be stupid enough to think the Earth won't someday wipe us out just because we don't know how to keep the equilibrium going. I personally think it's not impossible. With all these diseases and disasters going on, would it not seem to you that some warning is on us already?


And after that, I came across the PETM. PETM stands for Paleocene-Eocene Thermal Maximum.The PETM is a period wayyy back 50 million years ago or so, when the Earth went through really bad global warming (a sudden rapid rise in temperature), hence 'Thermal Maximum'. It affected most things on Earth, like the ecosystem. Alot of theories are proposed as to why it happened. Maybe a few big volcanoes erupting all at once (which produces a huge amount of CO2)? Maybe a few big meteors hit Earth? Gosh, no one really knows for sure. Important thing is, it is not impossible that Earth could go through massive global warming. Happened once, could happen again right?

So what happened was that the Earth healed itself within some thousands of years. (It's considered to be a relatively short period of time, really compared to how long carbon stays in the modern atmosphere) Back to equilibrium. Great right? Yep sure. Awesome, I'd say. Only thing is, if the same thing happens to us now, it is very very doubtful that the Earth would heal itself within the same time frame. (Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes, not too long until some Hollywood person makes a movie out of this, I'm sure.) And I'm pretty sure the overly 'clever' human beings are not genetically able to adapt to such situations in such a short period. We are a young species after all.

But on another note, it is said most mammals evolved as a result of this PETM (Well, to be fair, some thousands of years after it, but you know, close enough). Poetic ain't it if what creates us would be same thing that destroys us?


My little conclusion would be that evidence points out that if we want our species to survive, we better start supporting the environment rather than destroy it. If not, we're looking at only a few million years on this Earth, which is super short, barely a blip in the universe. And that is of our entire species. Dude!

After all, who'd want an organ that destroys us rather than help us function? Not me!

So in Micheal Jackson's words, Heal the World!!

And The Dream We Were Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep Strangling Life
Wound This Earth, Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

LoVe~
MzP<3

Kaleidoscope

Yes, I have not blogged in awhile. It's the internet problem I mentioned before. It sucks.

Although, I've also been seeking refuge in my diary alot more than in my blog these days. Not because of the privacy, really, but more because... there's something in writing with a pen on nice crisp paper, than typing away on the computer. It just is not too conducive as a creative outlet, you know?

It really has been only 6 weeks or so since I wrote the last blog post. Still, quite abit has changed. For starters, we're moving out soon. Out of Lane Cove : ( We didn't really have a choice though.



And something totally funny: I already have a wedding date. Yes, I do. And, well, my whole wedding is planned out, right down to the flowers, and the colour of my dress (Which in my culture, is not traditionally white). The venue is pretty much decided too. Yay me.

Wanna know the funny thing though? In that beautiful, gorgeous big wedding planned out, there is no groom. As in, I don't even have a prospective husband in sight yet. Not even a... wait for it... boyfriend. Welcome to my life! Minor detail right? LOL

Just wish me luck for my impending wedding date: I'm going to need it! Oh don't worry, it's not till next year. (OK, I do realise that's fairly soon, but let's pretend it's not that bad. You know how 1 month before an exam still feel ages away? Yes, and I do realise I just compared my marriage to an exam. Ergh, kill me now.)




You know what has been driving me crazy?? Whenever I go back home, people keep on asking me whether I have a mat salleh (or white) boyfriend. Like, seriously. What is the big deal with white people? They're normal people, like the rest of us. I mean, if you stayed here for abit, you'd realise not all white Australians look like Hugh Jackman, or Sam Worthington,or Ryan Kwanten. And the ones that do, may not even be worth fighting for.

Also, not being racist or anything, I am just not attracted to white men. If he has blond hair, even less so. I'm just one of those 'Tall, dark and handsome' kind of girl. And when I tell my friends I'm not attracted to white guys, they'd automatically think I only date Malays. See, in this world, there are more than just Malay guys and white guys. And if I don't prefer white guys, doesn't mean I don't prefer any other men in the world. Like Latinos, and blacks and middle easterns. Man, they hot.

OK, it's not like I don't like Malay men. The guy I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with is probably (and preferably) Malay. And I'm more than alright with that.

Although what's worrying is what San said. She said that she has seen alot of pretty Malay girls, but never actually met a good-looking Malay guy. She also said the only Malay guy she knew that was good-looking was mixed (a white parent). The thing is, I did try to prove her wrong... but given my history of ex-boyfriends, I don't have much to say there (Really, one of them's an actor, and even he is not all that good-looking). Then I tried to think of the best place to find handsome guys: celebrities (you know, movie stars and models), and I can't think of one that is truly good-looking. I mean, Hans Isaac is not exactly Malay, is he? And yeah, the rest are mixed.

Oh it hits me now. THAT'S why you guys are so obsessed with white people: because really, the Malays we know that are very good-looking, they're all mixed (probably with white, right?). Ergh.

Seriously, help me prove San wrong, will ya? And give me a name of a Malay guy that is very good-looking. Someone not mixed, please?


And really my friends, alot of people worldwide do think Malay girls are gorgeous. I have friends who talk about their friends' Malay girlfriends with envy, no joke. So seriously, if that boyfriend of yours don't appreciate you, guess what? There are plenty more fish in the sea. Or across the seas. :)

So why am I so intent on having my 'Happily Ever After' with a Malay guy, then? That's easy. Because essentially who they are, and what's in their hearts, appeal to me more than their looks. Also generally, culture-wise, I know I'll be alot more comfortable with a Malay guy. Still not being racist or anything, promise!


I do realise this post could be interpreted differently than what I intend it to. I seriously do not mean to cause any harm, or to insult anyone in particular. Or even any race in particular. Especially white guys... Really, I don't see anything wrong with them, the heart just wants what it wants OK? Haha. And saying that, I have gone out with dates with some of them, just never interested in going past that.

I guess what I have to say (although it's seriously concealed) is that it doesn't really matter if I ultimately have a white boyfriend, or a Malay boyfriend, or a Latino boyfriend, or a black boyfriend. What really matters is what's in their hearts, and who they are as a person right? Gosh, now I sound preachy. Whatever. As long as you don't think I'm inferior to the girl who does have a white BF. It's a choice, people. Really.

LoVe~

MzP<3

What's My Age Again?

Nobody likes you when you're 23

And you still act like you're in freshman year

What the hell is wrong with me?

My friends say I should act my age

What's my age again?

Oh our place in Lane Cove is wonderful... Just wonderful!

Alright, I haven't blogged because we still don't have internet yet. And it sucks!!! Problem with our telephone wiring :-(

So anyways! I am back in Sydney, doing Summer school, having a nice time. I'm living with San now, and have I told you our place is awesome? Haha. We cook dinner, and hangout. I don't have to walk 10 mins to see her anymore. Heeee.

And yes, my birthday has passed. Oh, that wasn't so nice anymore. I guess you get to a certain age where you wouldn't want to celebrate being another year older anymore... And I'm there. *Shudder*

And the New Year came in wonderfully. And did you know 2011 will be the year of the Rabbit? Yep, it's my year! All I know is, the year of the Tiger is almost over, and I can finally breathe. That was an awful year.

Oh and what of my resolution(s)? Let's say I get to keep some, and broke some. But oh well. That's life. But mostly I got to last 6 months at least! And that's quite an achievement on my part.

Let's see...

"I will try to date a guy that my mom approves of. Which is hard, and almost impossible, but I will try really hard." FAIL!

"I will continue to resist alcohol. I will not drink. I will not taste it. And I will not be convinced by my friends to have some." WIN! but I did accidentally drink some.. but it doesn't count!

"I will study. Extremely hard to do, but I will. From week 1." FAIL!

"I will get a job. Something good, since it's my last year in uni, I can get something pretty good. I hope." FAIL! but I did do volunteer work.

"(This resolution is not written here because it's private and personal, but don't worry, it's something good. And Dee, don't laugh!!!)" FAIL!

"I will organize a big reunion. Honestly, I have no idea how I'm going to do this, but I am." WIN!

"I'm going to lose at least 3 kg, and maintain that weight! Which means, continue exercising. And go on healthy diets. No more crash diets." WIN! for most part of the year anyways. Maybe not 3 kg...

"I'm going to continue being a vegetarian. Super challenging, but obtainable. (I will not be a vegetarian if it results in wastage, since I'm doing it for the environment anyway)" FAIL! Lasted for 6 months though.

"I'm going to party less. I'm not 21 anymore. Got to be more responsible." HAHAHAHA. (Really, you have to ask?)


Yeah, I failed most of them. HAHA. Oh well. I can't believe I wanted to party less. That's just inconceivable.

This year, I just have one resolution: To have FUN!!! And do stuff in my bucket list. (Yes, I'm having a quarter life crisis)

OK, and maybe fall in love... Maybe.

And trust me, It's going to be EPIC.

No one should take themselves so seriously

With many years to fall in line

Why would you wish that on me?

I never want to act my age

What's my age again?

What's my age again?

LoVe~

MzP<3 

Semi Charmed Life

I am in KL, in Coffee Bean at the moment.

Ahhh... This is the life...

...Or so would be the line in my thoughts usually. But not today. Today, or this time, is different. I do not enjoy this late night rendezvous as much as I would have, ordinarily. After all what's the second thing you miss about KL, after the food? Late night hangouts, right? Like, I would never get to do this in Sydney. Well, by 'this' I mean sitting in a place that's not a bar, with a friend, on a weeknight.


So why am I not content here anymore? I don't know, really. Perhaps it's because Sydney has came to be my home more than I would like to admit. Don't get me wrong, I love Sydney. Like, LOVE. But I didn't come from there. I didn't grow up there. So why the hell am I more comfortable there? It's not supposed to happen.

You know what made me realise this? When I started enjoying salty popcorn more than sweet ones at the cinema. I mean, really. And I hated salty popcorn!! What's wrong with me. I reckon it's the ultimate sign that Sydney is taking over. Oh no!


And as per, I don't have friends in Malaysia. It's something that's proven again and again. Gosh, what's with these people and their problem with keeping in touch? And I thought I was bad. Oh well, I don't care too much. It's quite abit refreshing going to the gym and not knowing three quarters of the people, and the staff too. At least I know I won't run into an ex-boyfriend. Or an ex-crush. Or worse, an ex-hook up (Not that it happens alot 0:) )

Alright, maybe I should update on my life, and not just display stupid random thoughts.

I just got a new phone!! Yes, finally. It's a super cool Windows Phone 7. Yeah, before you say anything bad about it, I'll say I love it and do not believe every bad review you read. It's no Android, I know. But it trumps the iPhone and Blackberry anyday. Hah.

I'm reading The Last Symbol by Dan Brown. Yeah, I just started. I know it came out ages ago. But I was too busy reading classics. They're wayyy awesome.

Ummm... I am kind of, sort of seeing someone. *Blushes* See, it's just starting. And it's not serious. And I haven't really told anyone yet, because it may not work out. But yeah, I am being monogamous (Or trying really hard to be), because I want to actually try to make it work. Which means I don't want to be the one who screws it up. Who is he? That's a secret I'll never tell. Or at least not until I'm ready to. As usual, my fear of commitment is eating me up. Ergh.

I've put on weight. Blame it on the food. As we all know, Malaysian food is soooooo good! And I can't stop eating! Even an everyday workout at the gym doesn't help. :-S But I do appreciate it if you don't comment about my weight the next time you see me. Thank you! Oh don't worry, I'll lose it all in a week when I go back to Sydney.

My results. Oh yes, I haven't been telling anyone about it, because I expected better. But oh well, there's always next semester right? I got Credit for all subjects. Nothing to show off for. Like I said, I expected better.

Oh, and I just got back from PD. Spontaneously decided to go literally an hour before, on Saturday, right after the gym. Packed my bags, and off I went for the weekend. Had fun! Just got back yesterday. Will do it again!!

AND I'm going to Singapore soon. Yay me!

Finally, I have officially moved out of the Village. Staying off campus next semester. Sandrine found a place for us, and I can't wait to start living there. So come visit us some time. :-)


So yeah, that's pretty much it. Not much else. Like I said, I'm in KL now. Call/FB/SMS/MSN/Skype me if you wanna hangout before I go back to Sydney.

Still living life like it means everything and nothing at the same time. :-)



I believe in the sand beneath my toes,
The beach gives a feeling,
An earthy feeling,
I believe in the faith that grows,
And the four right chords can make me cry,
When I'm with you I feel like I could die.
And that would be all right,
All right

LoVe~
MzP<3