Something's wrong. You know that terrible feeling you have inside when something bad is going to happen? Well, it's eating me up inside right now. Trust me, my intincts are VERY rarely wrong(unless I've taken caffeine recently, which I don't think I have).
Something's up, and I can feel it. There's this thing about me that I hate very much. It's that I can feel things. Things around me that I can't explain. I know something really bad is going to happen but I don't know what, or why, or how. This feeling is terrible because:
1. Just the knowledge of it sucks.
2. I can't prepare to face it because I don't even know what it is!
3. he feeling comes with nausea and a terrible stomach ache.
No.2 always makes me feel worse. I don't know what's the reason for no.3. Maybe it's because I'm so, SO scared that it becomes physical pain. Why am I so scared? Because anything I do now might be the reason for this really bad something that's going to happen. Get it? Like, for example, typing this blog entry right now might be the cause of something bad. Or maybe something I am going to do in the next 10 minutes. Or maybe it's something I already did yesterday. I don't know which is worse, facing the consequences of what I had already done, or what I am going to do. Or what I am doing right now.
God, this is too depressing. I really should stop writing now. I feel this deep urge to cry. Or smoke. For the record, I smoke, like, 3 cigarettes a year. This might just be one of the times I need one.
LoVe~
MzP<3
28 May 2006
17 May 2006
Te Quiero
I have a boyfriend now. Finally. After months and months of being single. He's the most unlikely person for me to actually have a relationship with. OK, who, right?
Eiman's friend. I've liked him since the time Eiman first introduced us. Let me tell you about him. He's flirtatious - flirts with everyone around. Annoying - to the very extreme. Confident - too much that it pisses me off. Cute - really, he is. And totally unpredictable - you'll know what I mean. How'd it happen?
It was a Thursday night. The parents (mine and a few others) were having this big birthday celebration for the May babies amongst them, in some hotel. My father was one of them. And guess what? For people born in the cretaceous period their theme was actually 'Bling Bling'. Weird, I know. OK, back to the story.
Later that night, Eiman arrived with his friends, two of them. My (future, at that time) boyfriend was one of them. So we talked and laughed, and get annoyed and irritated by his jokes. Then they had to go home. Before that, he actually managed to annoy me more, and wiped that smile off my face for a few minutes. I went back to the party and danced (my mum thinks I can't, really) and had fun. Hours later I reached home.
Before bed, I cecked my phone and was really surprised to a 'missed call' from him. So I did the unthinkable. I called him back. Well, you know what happened next. We talked. And talked. And talked. And suddenly, he said he wants to be my boyfriend. Out of nowhere. I said yes, of course. It's rare for me to get that from someone I like. Needless to say, I was floating on cloud nine.
Weird right, me wanting to be with someone who is just so annoying? Trust me, it's not that weird. He's so different on the phone. Nice and sweet and just plain amazing. I melted like a plain Belgian chocolate in his hands. So, here I am. Not single anymore. In a relationship. It's been a few days now. And getting more and more caught up in him.
Eiman's friend. I've liked him since the time Eiman first introduced us. Let me tell you about him. He's flirtatious - flirts with everyone around. Annoying - to the very extreme. Confident - too much that it pisses me off. Cute - really, he is. And totally unpredictable - you'll know what I mean. How'd it happen?
It was a Thursday night. The parents (mine and a few others) were having this big birthday celebration for the May babies amongst them, in some hotel. My father was one of them. And guess what? For people born in the cretaceous period their theme was actually 'Bling Bling'. Weird, I know. OK, back to the story.
Later that night, Eiman arrived with his friends, two of them. My (future, at that time) boyfriend was one of them. So we talked and laughed, and get annoyed and irritated by his jokes. Then they had to go home. Before that, he actually managed to annoy me more, and wiped that smile off my face for a few minutes. I went back to the party and danced (my mum thinks I can't, really) and had fun. Hours later I reached home.
Before bed, I cecked my phone and was really surprised to a 'missed call' from him. So I did the unthinkable. I called him back. Well, you know what happened next. We talked. And talked. And talked. And suddenly, he said he wants to be my boyfriend. Out of nowhere. I said yes, of course. It's rare for me to get that from someone I like. Needless to say, I was floating on cloud nine.
Weird right, me wanting to be with someone who is just so annoying? Trust me, it's not that weird. He's so different on the phone. Nice and sweet and just plain amazing. I melted like a plain Belgian chocolate in his hands. So, here I am. Not single anymore. In a relationship. It's been a few days now. And getting more and more caught up in him.
Actually, when I was single and looking, I didn't want a serious, long term relationship. I didn't want commitment. I just want some fun. I want a guy who won't take the relationship too seriously. Someone who won't stick to me too much. Someone who'd say "I Love You" but won't mean it. Maybe a player. An asshole. You know, all that. Yep, it is the discription of A LOT of guys out there. Almost the whole population of guys in he world. Almost.
This boyfriend of mine, at first I thought he was one of them. I find out something else. He's different. He really cares what I think. He wanted us to last long. He's not shy to say "I Love You" or "I Miss You". He holds my hand when we walk. He kisses my cheeks and forehead. Plainly, he's what A LOT of girls want in a guy. But not exactly what I want in the first place. What went wrong? Why do I always end up with a good guy? That was the questions I asked myself.
Now, I came to accept and appreciate. This kind of guy is rare. Hard to find. One in a million. And I got him. So I accepted him into my life. Maybe, just maybe, I could do with a good loving relationship at this moment. Yes, I do like him a lot, I admit, but I still cannot bring myself to say 'I Love You'. Now I feel like the millions of guys out there. But maybe a little bit different. I realize when something is one in a million.
LoVe~
MzP<3
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