Take You Down

As a result of living very much in the dark, I just found out about the Chris Brown/Rihanna tragedy yesterday.

For those of you who don't already know, it's on www.perezhilton.com. In short, Chris Brown beat up Rihanna. In A rented Lamborghini. Until she was almost unconscious.

So last night, I read the story from front to back. Right from the start. I saw the pictures.

And what did I feel? Mostly anger. I felt kind of numb. And I felt the pain of going through it. Knowing what Rihanna felt. Or is feeling right now.

The pictures were incredibly bad. Shocking. I can only imagine what it feels like to get those kind of injuries. To have your head banged on the passenger window. To be punched repeatedly on the head and face. To be punched on the arms while trying to protect yourself. To be headlocked so you can't make a call. To be threatened to be killed. To be punched on the legs when you try to push him away. To be bit on the arm and fingers when you try to fight back. And then to be strangled until you lose consciousness. Then, finally to be left in the car alone.

It's outrageous. So much so that most radio stations are not playing Chris Brown's songs anymore. He's dropped from commercials. Basically, his career is almost over.

And then a huge uproar from people when the couple seemingly got back together. Oh my God.

Then part of me understands. Although Rihanna has a 100% chance of getting someone better than him, the problem is love. I mean, on her part. The lack of remorse from Chris Brown just got me to assume he doesn't love her that much anyway. So she loves him. Love.

Then I reflected on something. I had principles. I said to myself that if a guy ever beats me down, I won't think twice to leave.

And then I thought of him. The one I love. And then I realized. Even if he beats me down that bad, or worse, I'd probably still get back together with him. I probably would. It's really wrong. But then I understand. I understand when you get blinded by love. I'd tell Rihanna to get some help, some counselling, some perspective. I'd tell her to show the whole world how to be strong and to know what to do. But then again, I know in the end she's only human. At best, she's just like the rest of us. Her thought process is probably the same as ours.

Oh and did I tell you we're the same age? Oh, and so are our boyfriends.

Still, domestic violence is never ever alright. No matter how provoked you are. It is downright criminal.

Here's hoping Rihanna will realise that soon. And so will the rest of the world. Giving us some hope that we could always always always fall in love again. And be happy again.


LoVe~
MzP<3

One Love

I'm trapped. Between here and there. Between now and then. Between right and wrong.

When you think something is worth it, you fight for it. You give up alot for it. But at one point even thebest thing has a stop. Has an end. Where, after giving up everything you can, and some things you can't, you realise you can't give up anymore.

Sometimes, when you have nothing left to give up for that one single thing, you walk away. You have to. Don't think of the time spent. Don't think of emotions. Think of moving on. Think of learning.

I fell in love.

Yes, I did. And I didn't believe in love, remember.

And it was great. Fairytale. Hard, but real. One to keep. One to cherish. One to miss.

Love is one thing I would fight for. And I did. I really did. I fought for it tooth and nail. And then it comes to a point. A point where I have to give up other loves to keep this one. Love for my mother. Love of life. Love of friends. Love of myself.

The only thing you shouldn't give up for love is love itself, I believe. For although this one love enriches everything, it is but only one love.

Imagine. Imagine losing the love of your life. But imagine losing all other loves to keep it. Will you be happy in the end? Will I?

But when I said, "50 years from now, when I look at you, I would still see you the way I see you now," I wasn't kidding. I wanted to be there 50 years from now. I want to still look at you and only you 50 years from now. But you know what? If I do stay with you, I won't last 50 years.

So I'm moving on. And I'm taking back everything. Everything I gave away. Everything I lost. And I'll smile. Because even if it hurts, I'd at least have the satisfaction of knowing that Romeo and Juliet wouldn't be together for long if they stayed alive. And I'd be happy knowing I won't end up like them.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Say (What You Need to Say)

We were engaged.

I'm not the bad one. Probably the stupid one. But not bad.




What would I give to turn back time. I would've done it differently. I would've known you better.

I only asked for all those things because I thought I had the right.

Never have I done it to destroy you.

Wake up, and take the responsibilities like the man I believed you are. Do the right thing. Please.



LoVe~
MzP<3>

Wouldn't It Be Nice

Happy 6 months, baby!!! I love you.

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice



LoVe~
MzP<3>

I Gotta Get Through This

Now I know why I've been pretty cynical lately.

Hard to imagine anyone going through life and not end up cynical. Life turns you cynical one way or another. And usually very much so.

I had this theory I developed a few years back. Basically, the theory is: If a lot of good things happen to you, something really bad is just waiting to happen.

Usually, when I tell people this, they shoot it down, saying it's nonsense. Which is why I've never really given it much thought.

But the more I've gone through, the more I know it's true.

Whenever I have a bit too much fun, I can almost expect the turmoil that will surely come next. It's pretty sure.

And all this, because I just had one of the best weekend holiday ever. It was really good. Rented a huge house in Gerringong. Went to Jamberoo water park. 9 of us altogether. Fun fun fun. Serious fun.

And today I got back home. And, that's right, one by one things start to go wrong. And that was just a few hours ago.

This is it. I would say, and I could say, never in my life has so much stuff go wrong in, what, 3 hours? So much has gone wrong that I couldn't even cry even if I wanted to. I'm just in a daze. Like, in the disbelieving, denial state. Like, it's not even registering in my mind.

Worse, I'm alone now.

Even worse, he's not that far away.

Even more worse, tomorrow is our 6 months. And he still won't be here.

Even much more worse than that? No one knows the real thing. And keeping it to ourselves is killing me so much.

And all that is despite what happened to me today.

Lets just say, when it hits me, depression will take over. And I won't even see a reason anymore. A reason to live, right. A reason to be here. Everything that truly truly matters to me is destroyed. That really truly matters. And if there really is another reason to push through, please tell me so I can see it. Gotta get through this.

It's a punishment, I know. I just wish the punishment could come some other way, some other day. Because punishing is one thing. Taking away things that really matters, is very much another. What is the lesson learned from that? Seriously.

Help me to see because I'm just about blind to everything else right now.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Should I Stay... Or Should I Go?

Right now, I think emotions will take me along wherever it needs to go.

I've been happy since that plane landed, sure.

But something is missing isn't it? I want more than this. I need more than this.

I'm not happy anymore.

Why? Realisation dawns that nothing has changed. You're still missing from my life. I'm just present in yours. That's all.

What have I done? I've just made it permanent. In a place where permanence has always been an issue for me.

And you've been found wanting.

Damn. Fuck me. Or rather, don't fuck me. Whatever.

I'd better stop now before the bitterness seeps under your skin too.

I'll just stop bitching about it in my blog and call it off when it gets too much. Oh it will, trust me. Patience is wearing off. Hanging by a thread.

Oh it's still hanging. Only because we have more. More.

And for once, I'm thinking, I want to hold on to this.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Two For My Seconds

Stealing a few minutes.

My boyfriend is back. So yeah, as you can imagine, I've been busy busy busy. And happy happy happy as well.

Which explains the lack of updates.

And don't expect anything much in a while. Hehe.

Gotta go now. Get back to my life.


LoVe~
MzP<3