Flight Delay

20 September 2008

Guess where I am right now? While I'm writing this, I'm sitting at a nice comfortable chair on the Malaysia Airlines First Class lounge. First time I'm ever here. No, I am not doing this to make you jealous or something. The other way, actually. I think you'd be glad you're not where I am right now. Long story.

Right now it's just a few minutes past 4pm. Buka puasa is in an hour and 45 minutes. My flight was supposed to be at 2.20pm. That was almost 2 hours ago. OK. Story begins.

Today was a tiring day. A loooong day. Woke up later than I should. Too tired. I shouldn't have slept at all last night, but well, I just couldn't resist the bed. So with wet hair after getting out of the shower, I slept.

Let's talk about yesterday first.

It was Macquarie University's Conception Day yesterday. I went at around 1pm. Stayed in the blazing sun for hours. Me and Fatin. And we were fasting! So it was a day with a lot of 'dugaan'. We buka puasa in the Conception Day area. Enjoying Butterfingers and Grinspoon performing. Mostly we were sitting aournd talking, watching other people get drunk. Trust me, they start drinking at 9am! They were chugging plenty of glasses of beer. I have never (Or should I say nevah) saw that many drunk people before in my life. That was a first.

And they were handing out free cans of Coke Zero to everyone. In the hot hot hot sun, and we were parched, with dry throats. That was a hard fasting day. Surrounded by people carrying around drinks. And eating. One guy was eating a kebab next to me. That was... painful. So me and Fatin endured the whole fiasco thing.

After breaking fast or buka puasa, we started partying. We watched Butterfingers for awhile. Then we went inside to join the clubbing crowd. We started to try to enjoy ourselves. A really good looking guy tried to dance with me. Then, I felt Fatin pulling me away. A fight broke out right there on the dance floor, and when I moved away, I just saw a guy collapsed on the floor, unconcious. Adrenaline rush. We got scared. Stayed far away. Then when we walked past the scene to get out of the building, I saw paramedics putting oxygen mask on the guy and pools of blood on the floor, from the impact of his head hitting the floor. Rumours heard. Fatin knew him. It was said that the guy was...

An announcement. They didn't have any information yet. I'm going to be stuck here all day. *Sigh. OK, back to the story.

Right. It was said the unconcious guy on the floor was actually trying to stop the fight going on. But he got punched by someone. Hard. While he was unaware. So he collapsed. It was rumoured the guy who punched him got away.

So the image of an unconcious guy on the floor lying in a pool of blood totally shook us. We got out, sorted ourselves, then got into the crowd enjoying Grinspoon. The mosh. We were repeatedly splashed with beer and God only knows what. The drunk people were jumping into us. And Fatin seemed to not enjoy herself too much in the crowd. So we got out after 2 songs.

Got on the big huge slide. Not a really good idea since we were both weraing skirts, but we figued, what the hell. The drunk people were fooling themselves worse than we ever could anyway. That was cool. We got out of Conception Day 10 minutes past 8pm, after Grinspoon's encore, which was cool. There were buses for people who wanted to continue partying at The Ranch. We decided to retire (Well, it was more of Fatin's decision since I thought the night was too young. But partying alone would not be fun either) and head home. Made coffee. Started packing for the flight.

Followed Fatin home to see her newly decorated wall. Stayed there until 1.30am. Got home. Continued packing. Fatin IM'd. “Zue, I just got out of the shower. You should shower too. Remember we were splashed with beer and all.” So I got into the shower, shampooing my hair. Got out of the shower. Bed looked too inviting. Couldn't resist. With wet hair, I collapsed, sleeping until morning. Zzzzzzzz....

OK, so that was yesterday. This is today's story.

So. Morning came. Set my alarm for 7am. Couldn't get up. Went back to sleep. Woke up again at 8. Still can't get my butt out of bed. Then at 9 something I got up. RUSHED!!! I was planning to go to Macquarie Centre to do some last minute shopping. Didn't get to go.

So my baby and I went straight to the city. Pitt St Mall. Peter Alexander. Bought something for the people back home. Wanted to buy something for my mum. The pants I wanted doesn't have size available. The salesgirl said they have the pants on George St, Near Matrin's Pl. So we walked there. Almost 12 noon (My flight's at 2.20 remember?). Got there. They didn't have the size I wanted. I was fuming. The other girl said they had two. She suggested David Jones. Are you kidding??? No time. Bought the next nicest thing they have available in the size I need. Walked back to the car. 12.15pm. Shit. We're late.

Next destination: Bligh. Not airport yet. Why? To get my camera. Left it there 3 weeks ago. Mum will kill me if I went home without my camera. So my baby drove me to Bligh. 12.30pm. Yani and Ririn was there.

“What time's your flight?” “2.20. I have to be at the airport now.” “You're crazy.”

“OK, selamat hari raya!” “Selamat hari raya, guys.”

Drove to the airport. Someone called. Nasty words exchanged. Got off the phone devastated. Don't want to go home. Don't want to get on the flight. Got to the airport. 1pm.

Checked in. Cried. That was emotional. Said goodbye to my baby. It was either going to be my worst raya ever, or definitely the best in a long time. Don't want to go home. Hugged my baby. It might just be the last time. Felt so down. So so so down.

Walked in. Cried all the way to the gate. Cried at the waiting area. Boarding. Went in. Good seat. Read the newspaper, magazine, cry some more, and ordered my buka puasa food from the stewardess. Thought crossing my mind: Is it me or there's something wrong with this plane? Something doesn't seem right. Oh well, it's probably just me and my bad state of mine. Don't wanna go home! I hope the plane crashes. I hope something goes wrong. I hope I don't have to go home. I hope the plane doesn't crash. Don't wanna die. Wait, not that bad. Just hope something goes wrong and parents get worried. Bla bla bla bla bla....

My Way came on the stereo. Cried some more. This is so movie like dramaticness. Plane moves. Pilot announcement: Something wrong with plane. We're going back to the gate. Plane moves. Thought it's OK. Cried myself to sleep. Plane stop moving. Steward: You have to get of the plane. Me: Why? Steward: There are fumes from the Business Class area. Engineers have to check.

Waited in the hot hot hot plane for thenm to open the gate. Smelled the fumes. Bad. Got out of the plane. 3.30pm. Walked to the lounge. Toilet. Phone call to parents. Phone call to my baby. 3.50pm. Back to lounge. Open laptop. 4pm. Logged in to the internet. Internet doesn't work. Write blog post on Open Office writer. Announcement.

Now: 5pm. Buka puasa: 45 minutes. Still no news of flight.

So that's the story of how I got here today, right now, in this big comfortable seat in the First Class lounge, writing my blog. Waiting for buka puasa. What the hell am I going to eat later? No idea.

I'll post this on my blog much later. Once I get internet connection. Till then, wish me luck!

LoVe~

MzP<3

Mortality in Jeopardy

Right now, only one thought is repeatedly going through my mind: I wanna die!!! OK, glad to get that off my chest.

Reason: I have to send in a biiig assignment tomorrow. It's 40%!!! Forty-effing-percent and I have noooo effing idea what to write that is actually worth 40%!

And to make it worse, I have a mid-term exam tomorrow. Economics. And I have no idea even what to study. Between trying to write something that's worth 40% and studying for an exam worth 20%, on the same effing day, you know why my train of thought is what it is right now.

Once again, I feel like just dropping it all. You know, fuck it. Just fuck it. But 40% and 20%??? I can't even fuck it if I want to.

Sorry for being so negative in this post. But I am too negative right now.

Amidst all the bad things, though, there is one good thing. I have a big chance of making it as a Social Director for MSA. Yay! Social Director!! OK, I know I won't be excited about it so much once the workload comes rolling in, but right now I still consider it great. I mean, I have an excuse to go to the city every week again! I can organise dance parties!! I might still be a little too shy, but I'd be kick ass in this, you'll see.

BUT. Now, I still have to think about the 40% and 20% for tomorrow. And after it's over (at 5pm) I'll have even bigger problems to think about. Which is pushed to the back of my mind right now. Just to give you a sneak preview, I have another assignment to send in on the 3rd of October. During the holidays. But guess what? I'll be in MALAYSIA at the time. How the hell do I send a book when I'm in a different country altogether? Any ideas? But since I have no effing time to think about it now, I guess I've got to just suck it up at the moment.

Not to mention the fact that I have to start packing on Conception Day! C'mon, I just want to party but even that is apparently too much to ask for.

Hey, and does anybody else suddenly stop and think, "Where did the time go?" I feel like I'm in a time warp where I'm accidentally transfered to the future, missing alot of past events. Sort of like Adam Sandler in Click. What the hell happened this semester???

Then there's the fact that I'm still not in good terms with my mother. And I'm going to meet her in two effing days!

I'm dead. I wish I could mean that in the literal sense though. Literally, I'm alive. Just maybe having my soul sucked out. Soulless. So in a sense, I'm still dead.

When life is so topsy turvy, I can't help but wish things like that. How do you know what is more important: Your education, your happiness or your relationships? It's like the opportunity cost I learn in Economics. You can't have everything so you choose to do the things with the least opportunity cost. Because of limited resources. But when you don't deal with money, how do you know the value of the things you're giving up? How do you know what you give up is the least opportunity cost? HOW???

I apologise! I realise this post is the post with the most swearing I've ever written. And also I'd like to apologise for the typos which I know is soooo much in this post. Sorry, I'm basically rushing through this post so I can get back to my work. Why I even bother to write this post though? Because I need a break! And it's at least keeping me sane telling someone about it.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Piece of Mind

The mint chocolate chip ice cream shampoo is getting old. Sure, it makes my hair smell good. And it's a really good shampoo. Made my hair all shiny and bouncy and healthy and stuff. But can you imagine having to smell mint chocolate chip ice cream everytime you shampoo your hair? It makes me want to just pour the content of the bottle in my mouth. I love mint chocolate chip ice cream. And right now I'm craving for some. And to make it so much worse? It's fasting month! And the smell even lingers on my hands after I get out of the shower. How do anyone deal with that? Fasting and all. It sure is killing me. Slowly.

Right now it's 2.48am. I'm still up. I feel my life is purposeless these days. My memory is still failing me. I can't even keep up with social events anymore. My laundry is piling up. Well, at least I'm not broke anymore. That's a relief.

I'm lost without my planner. I still can't find it! Me and missing things. *Sigh*

I have been sick for the past, I don't know, 3 weeks? And it is so tiring. I hate being sick. Being bed-ridden. Not being able to do anything. Not being in the mood to even cook for myself. And today, just when I thought it is all ending, I get food poisoning. Of the really bad kind. I was vomiting and stuff. And the pain of my stomachache was unbearable.

I know in some ways, I probably deserve this bad turn of things, but I don't know if I even deserve it to this extent.

And last night? Didn't even get to talk to Julie before her flight. I told her to SMS or call me once she is at the boarding gate. She didn't! And then when I called she didn't pick up. It was devastating. And today I had to see her farewell party pictures, of all things. Well, I didn't see them before because I thought I couldn't take it, since I wasn't there and all. But I found out it is worse than I thought! Someone was there. Not just anyone. Him. Which turned everything around. Which made me see red. Made me furious. What right does he have?

On a better note, I'm happy. My baby surprised me the other day. He turned up out of the blue. I didn't expect it at all. And when he said, "Look out the window," I thought he was joking. When I saw his car, I still didn't believe it because it just seemed too good to be true. And then he said, "That's me." OMG. OMG, I was running down the stairs as fast as I could, bursting through the back door and jumping into his arms. How I missed him. It was the best surprise ever. I still smile with the memory of it. He's the best. I didn't expect it because he lives, like, 2 hours drive away. And he drove all the way. To top it off, we had a fight that day. But when he showed up, I was too happy to even be mad at him anymore. It's like, I can't be mad!

I wish I get that kind of surprise every day. I wish I had that kind of overwhelming happiness all the time. It is the best feeling ever. It's beautiful. I wish I get to see him everyday. But his voice on the phone is not a bad substitute either.

OMG. Now I'm angry. What the hell was he thinking??? Whatever.


LoVe~
MzP<3

Julie Baby!

OMG. OMG OMG OMG. OMG!!!!!

Please don't let this be the day. Don't let it be the most dreaded day ever.

I'm going to cry soooooooon.

Please don't let it be the day Julie leaves. Please. Please. Please.

I cannot imagine. I cannot imagine Julie not being there. I cannot imagine going back home to Malaysia and she won't be there. I can't imagine not being able to call her anytime I want to ask her out. I can't imagine not being able to see her for a long time. I can't imagine not having sleepovers with her.

Julie is the only person ever to really understand me. I can't imagine not having that anymore. What if I need her? What if I need to talk to her? What if my whole world is falling apart and she's the only one who can make it right again? What will I do then?

I really can't stop myself from crying. Julie, my best friend, is leaving. Maybe for good. How do you deal with that? How do you let go a part of your life that you love so much? How do you let go a part of your life, period?

As I'm writing this, Julie is on the way to the airport. You have no idea how devastated I am for not being able to send her off. She'll be there at the airport, surrounded by her closest friends... except me. I won't be there. It would be an empty space. I hope she knows, I'm still there in essence. My heart is there. It will always be there. With her.

I won't get to hug her before she go. I won't get to smile at her and seeing her smile back. I'm going to miss her like hell. Like never ever ever before.

Tell me, how do you separate two best friends that are so very close? I hope you can't. I hope it's not possible. Because even if we change, we will still be us. And if we understand each other, we always will, even if we change, cos we'd still be us.

Julie,

I love you! Sayang you! I'll miss you soooo damn much. I wish you never had to leave. But despite that, I wish you the best. The best ever. That, no matter what, everything will turn out fine. And know that at the worse of times, I will always be there. Just give me a call. Even at 4am, I will still be there. Always always always.

I hope Uni life treats you well. You'll have good times and bad times. But in the end, it'll all be good. I hope you make loads of great friends who would never let you down. And if they do, I'm there. I hope you get your dreams fulfilled. I hope your dreams and wishes come true. Most of all, I wish you'll be happy. Always. Because I can't imagine not being there for you if you're sad.

Be strong, girl. The world is in your hands. You'll achieve success and you'll always find the right way. And remember, if something goes wrong somewhere, God will always make it right some other way. So be strong ok, dear. And even if the world seems like it's falling apart, just remember what I said. everything will always turn out alright.

And Julie, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for everything that you've done. Thanks for staying up to teman me. Thanks for sharing your food with me. Thanks for driving all the way just to see me. Thanks for listening to my problems when I call. The list goes on and on and on. So thank you. I really appreciate all of it.

And I'm also sorry, baby. Sorry for whatever I've done wrong. If I've ever hurt your feelings with anything I've said or done. I've never meant to. Sorry for the fights we had. Sorry I called you a slut (Hehe). Sorry for being 'me' sometimes.

I will cherish every memory I've had with you. The staying ups, the Kenny Rogers, the walking to Pavilion, the Tony Romas, the sambal ikan bilis, the tears, the stories, the sleepovers, the boys, the sakit peruts, the parties, the fights, the phone calls, the SPM, the dressing ups, the art works, the radio dedications, and everything that I couldn't remember at this time. I enjoyed every second of it.

525,600 minutes. That's how much we have in a year. And that's every minute I count to get to see you next. Times 3.

Don't you dare ever forget me. Ever. I mean, EVER.


I sayaaaang you, Julyana. Forever and ever. Best friends forever!!! (2005-now)


LoVe~
MzP<3

Broke

I'm broke. Like, so broke like I've never been broke before, broke. Like, big zeroes broke. Like, empty wallet and bank account broke. Ouch. It hurts.

To make it worse, I lost my house keys. Got to pay $20 to make a new one. And I can't even afford that. So now I don't have keys to enter my own house. And is also the only thing stopping me from doing my laundry right now. And trust me, my laundry is heaps. Heaps. Funny, I do have the gold coins to do pay for them. I just don't have the key to enter the laundry room. I just never have any luck with laundry.

I need food. But I'm just so lazy to cook!

I want to make a nice lemon meringue pie right now. But I know no one's going to finish it. Any takers?

Come over my house for buka puasa and I'll prepare a really nice meal. But it has to be when I am not broke anymore. Then I can make a really good meal.

I'm still in two minds about going to Yaya's farewell. Although I so really really want to go, I don't know how it will play out. Going on Friday morning would be too early for me. Having to catch a bus at 9am. Then, getting a bus to Sydney Uni. It might be better if I go to the city on Thursday night, sleepover one night and go with whoever's going to the graduation. That seems like a better plan. But. Problem. First, I'm going to have to pack. Then, it's the fact that I have to sleepover someone's house. And then there's my mum. She is in this phase where she is trying to control my movements. So sleeping over at the city would be a humongous no-no.

So I guess my best bet is to give up hours of my sleep on Friday morning. The day I usually get to sleep in a little bit. Oh well, I'd rather give up a little bit of my sleep than incur the wrath of my mum. I wonder why she'd trying to control what I do even when she's in a different country. Oh well. Welcome to my life.


LoVe~
MzP<3>

Something to Stress About

I was walking back home when the tears finally came.

I am not the best daughter, or the most perfect, but I am great and I know that.

Don't I deserve the chance to make mistakes once in awhile?

Don't I deserve to be trusted at all?

I know my mother just thinks the worst of this situation. In reality, it's not that bad. Things just look bad. But in reality, it is not that bad. She's just overreacting.

Don't tell me I have to be the bigger person again.

It was just a few months ago when she asked me if I drink. I was very very offended. How could she even think like that of me? I don't even smoke. I never tasted even a single sip of alcohol in my life. Ever. Is that so hard to believe?

I have been good. Yes, I have a boyfriend now, and it might not be who she wants it to be. It's Ramadhan now for God's sake. I have a respect for Ramadhan too. I do have virtues.

There are things happening around my mum that's worse than me and what I'm doing. There always are. But I've never brought down someone else to bring myself up. That would be dead selfish. And I still wouldn't do that now. I wouldn't do that to her. She deserves to trust everyone else while she still can. Eventhough I'm not one of them anymore.

I have not been spending every single second with my boyfriend. I have not abandoned my studies for him. I have not skipped class to spend time with him. I have not gone to the city every week just to see him. I have not use someone else's name to hide that I'm spending time with him.

Virtually, I have done nothing wrong. Everyone else has boyfriends here. But their parents never made a fuss about that. Their parents know, at our age, that is what's natural. It won't be natural if I don't have a boyfriend.

Again, I can't see what's the big deal. Why can't we have a discussion about this like the adults that we are. Instead of my mum saying that I think I'm old enough to not take her advice anymore. I don't think that way. But I do think I'm old enough to make my own decisions. Her advice is always considered. Always.

I'm still sick now. She didn't even ask.

And then there's the problem with my housemates. I don't even want to get started on that. I wish sometimes they would just mind their own business and stay out of it. But I kind of understand, and trying not to hold it against them. They're just human after all. And what's not human nature to succumb to betrayal one or twice, intentionally or otherwise. What's not human nature to choose sides, right? So I don't really blame them.

Anyway. How do you show someone things are not as bad as they think it is when they are thousands of miles away? Pictures always betray the real thing. Like, I use to think my best friend is having more fun than she actually is. Because she has so many photos of her and her friends, which makes me feel like an outsider sometimes. But really, her life is just the same. I mean, just because she doesn't put pictures of herself doing boring mundane stuff, it doesn't actually mean she's not doing it, right? I hope my mum realises that. If I don't put pictures of me studying and going to class and staying in my room doing nothing, it doesn't actually mean I'm not doing them. It just looks like I'm having too much fun. I'm really just leading a normal life. She's just not here to see it firsthand.

I haven't change. Being in a different country hasn't changed me. I might have different views and know a little bit more than I did before. I might be a little bit more exposed than I was before. But I still haven't changed. I still know what's right and what's wrong.

Changing boyfriends doesn't make me any different. I'll still be me.


LoVe~
MzP<3

I Miss You, You Know

He went home.

I opened my laptop. And it was playing the song Home - Westlife. I press play. And the first thing I heard was, "I miss you, you know."

Wow.

I miss you, you know.


LoVe~
MzP<3