Brain Stew

Hey, it's halfway through fasting month already! Gosh, so sad to see it end soon...

There's something quite nice about fasting month. It gives you something to do with your days. And an excuse to eat with friends when the day ends. Also, it amazes me every single time, at how much self control we humans have when we put our minds to it. It's awesome! Would you know you could go so long without food or water if you never tried?


So, what's new with me? Nothing much, really. I've been a lot more active with my Twitter account lately. A little bit overdue though since I joined Twitter in 2007. Back when it was mostly SMS. That was cool! It was really cool getting people's updates through SMS. Although quite impossible these days since people we follow tend to be in the hundreds. It was more like 5 back then. :)

But then again, Twitter wasn't so popular back then. First, because most people I try to convince to get an account didn't see the point of telling people what they're doing 24/7. (Hah, I guess they've changed their minds, huh?) And second, smart phones didn't really exist back then, connection to internet is limited, so you update mostly using SMS. Of course, third, no celebrities were on Twitter yet. Haha.

After that, Twitter eliminated most of it's SMS functions. We don't get updates via SMS anymore. And I lost interest. So yeah, I just shut it out for about... 3.5 years? Wow. Now I'm baaack! Rejoice!

I'm having trouble trying to sleep
I'm counting sheep but running out
As time ticks by
And still I try
No rest for crosstops in my mind
On my own... here we go
My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
My face is numb
Fucked up and spun out in my room
On my own... here we go
My mind is set on overdrive
The clock is laughing in my face
A crooked spine
My sense dulled
Passed the point of delerium
On my own... here we go

OK, so in the absence of sleep... I put myself here, to perhaps talk about something completely pointless. So I'm going to talk about... Hmm... What about... Brains? Hehe. (Disclaimer: I am not an expert, or trying to brag about what I know. Just feeling like sharing some knowledge. You know what the Dalai Lama said: "Share your knowledge, it's a way to achieve immortality." So feel free to read up more on it!) Here we go.


You know how they say you only use 10% of your brain or less? So then they make movies like Limitless, where there is a certain 'substance' engineered that can trigger the use of the rest of our brains. And we soak it up, thinking it could be possible, right? (Don't lie and say you don't daydream about having NZT-48! Hehe)

Well...

So, when they say we use less than 10% of our brains, what do you think happens to the other 90%? Just stay there, and do nothing? Lazing around?

Hardly. Because when they say we use only 10% of our brains, they actually mean, when we think. So no, the rest of our brain does not sit around doing nothing! Physical activity takes up space. And then there's the part that controls automatic things, like breathing and blinking. But the biggest part of our brain is allocated to our sight.

See, the homo sapiens probably is gifted with one of the most advanced eyesight in the world. And trust me, it doesn't come cheap. A huge portion of our brain actually has the task of receiving data from eyes, interpreting data received, arrange data into image, etc. And because our eyesight is so advanced, we need more space for it, than say, thinking. Remember optical images? When you look at an image on paper that seem to move, for example. Can you imagine what kind of work that part of our brain is doing right then? Amazing, huh?

So good news is, our brain is not lazing around, doing nothing... In fact almost the whole part of our brain is active almost all the time. Bad news? Drugs like NZT-48 in the movie Limitless could not, logically, exist. Because for extra thinking ability, we may need to give up our eyesight. Or breathing.

Now stop imagining you have that NZT thing, and start doing your work like you mean it! Haha. Oh and sorry for being the party pooper to your fantasies. :P


LoVe~
MzP<3

p.s. I was writing about the party I owed. But I guess out of respect of the month, I'll post it later on. Good night!

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap!

I have graduated, bitches!!!

Finally!!!

I swear, when I found out, I was jumping. Literally jumping around the room like a crazy idiot. Thank God no one saw that! :S




So my officially graduation ceremony is in September. I'm looking forward to that. Getting a new dress for that, of course!

Right now I'm in KL. Ahhh... The comfortable life. It's getting harder and harder to go back to Sydney. But then again, it's what's good for me. I know if I stay here, my future is bleak. So to speak. I may marry a rich guy and never have to work. But perhaps, that's not what I want.

So here I am, defying gravity, living the hard life... Just to get to work. Wow, this sounds stupid. Haha.

It's time to try

Defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I am defying gravity

And you wont bring me down! 

My flight is in 2 days. And I seriously don't know when I'll come back. Next month? Next year? If even at all.

I'm through accepting limits

''cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try, I'll never know!

So I'll be around. Just in a different country. The land of OZ? :P If I really know myself, I know I'll be back someday. Because I have my family here. And my friends...

So if you care to find me

Look to the western sky!

As someone told me lately:

"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"

And if I'm flying solo

At least I'm flying free

To those who'd ground me

Take a message back from me

Tell them how I am

Defying gravity

I'm flying high

Defying gravity

And soon I'll match them in renown

And nobody in all of Oz

No Wizard that there is or was

Is ever gonna bring me down!

Hehe. Don't miss me too much! Or if you do, there's Facebook, MSN, Twitter and everything else out there. Or you could always do the traditional way and call. :)

Lots of love, my dear beloved country. And see you soon!! :D

LoVe~

MzP<3

Gone

Oh no, I told you I'd jinx it when I write about guys in here. Boo.

Yeah, I'm just losing interest in him. I guess I'm sick of good guys: Men who look good on paper. Much prefer bad boys, if you know what I mean.

My problem with good guys are, there's always something to hide, with them. There is something lurking behind those kind eyes, nice smile and neat hair. And I guess I'm sick of that.

And also I know for sure this time, I'm not ready. After everything, I realised I should not try to get a guy to commit when I don't really want it myself. So yeah. Single, and you've got to be pretty amazing to change that. :)


Saying that, hmm.. Perhaps I was too quick in saying what I said about white guys. And that's all you're going to get :P



Ergh, exams are coming soon. So right now, I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor, wrapped in my leopard print blanket, staring at my open text book (yeah, while writing my blog :P), pen in my hand. What I know is, when the inspiration and drive hits, I could study for 11 hours straight, non-stop. But when it doesn't, 11 minutes is a challenge. And right now, it's not hitting. Or at least not hard enough. (LOL, that's what she said, right?)


I'll tell you, I miss my friends. The ones back then I used to hang out with, who went home. I really miss them. Although I've got lots of new ones, they'll never replace the rest. Oh how I wish sometimes I see their faces around uni again, have coffee with them, gossiping, or just chilling in the Ubar after class. I'm talking about the ones who I may never see again, ever. I mean, I miss my Malaysian friends too, but see, I've got the rest of my life there. And sure as hell, I'm gonna make sure we'll be in each others' lives again.

And there are the rest. Like Jenda, John, Tiger, The Singaporeans (yes, they'd still be near-ish, but still how often do I go there?), Dittow, The Germans (Though they were only here for a semester!), Angelita, The Frenchies, Ingrid, Inneke, RA Joe, Katie and Becca, Kinan, Nina, Steph, Tuomas, Urvi, The Indians etc etc.

There's a thousand words that I could say

to make you come home.

Seems so long ago you walked away

and left me alone.

If I could just find a way

to make it so that you were right here right now...

Time is passing so slowly now

Guess that's my life without you

And maybe I could change my everyday

But baby I don't want to.

So I'll just hang around and find some things to do

to take my mind off missing you...

Baby why can't you see

that I need you here with me?

But the truth remains you're...

Gone.

You know what I feel like kicking myself for? Not taking more pictures!! (Mental kick in the ass!) Life is too short, hey? Don't make my mistake.

One good news: I may get to see Julie again in a few weeks. And life doesn't seem so bad anymore...=)

LoVe~

MzP<3

Shiver

Winter is well on its way!

Been quite cold lately, rainy and wet and humid and cold. So I shiver. : )

Some things are looking up, and I'm quite happy.

I do believe I owe you another party. That's coming up, I haven't forgotten.

So guess what? I'll tell you.

Some days ago, my ex added me back on FB, wanting to be friends again. See, I'm friends with pretty much all my exes, never really hold on to bad stuff that transpired, and I kind of like that I am, mostly because I know the feelings are not there anymore, so why dwell on them, right? So why haven't I accepted him on FB? I don't know, really. Mostly because I don't trust FB: too much exposure. I guess I just have the thought; if he really wanted to be friends, he should have called/texted about catching up. I don't accept friend requests from people with questionable intentions (or you know, intentions I can't determine). I used to... Learned from that mistake! I'm not saying he's a bad person (I dated the guy remember?) but I reckon I should know for sure that he really wants to be friends and not just trying to find out what I've been up to.

Finished my cookies!! Aww... Was supposed to make some with Dee when she came, but we never got around to it. Made some last week instead. For you, Dee!! (Sorry you didn't get any...)

Right now, I'm writing in my diary at the same time. I don't know how I'm managing it, seems like so much work for one night! I'm already an hour past me intended bedtime tonight.. : (


Alright, I'm finally coming out with it... Remember me saying that I may be ready to settle down? I think I may have found the person to finally do it with. Like always, I never like to give it away, you know, not jinx it. This time, though, I really do like him. It's been roughly a month and abit that things kinda started. I wouldn't go around professing my undying love or anything like that. Still taking things slow, steady. But I tell you one thing, he does make me smile.

Cause I shiver
I just break up
When I'm near you
It all gets out of hand
Yes I shiver
I get bent up
There's no way that
I know you'll understand

He's not here right now. In another country. And before he left, he said he's gonna miss me. And that just about killed me. Waiting is not my strong point, I just hate waiting more than anything... And it's worse now. But I know there's no one else. I told him I'll be here when he gets back. And I will.

... No he's not white. Or Malay. LOL.

What if you get off at the next stop
Would you just wave as I'm drifting off
If I never saw you again
Could I keep all of this

Inside

Am I happy? Yes, I'd say so.

Now I'd better hit the sack. Sleep seems better than hearing sappy old love songs on Youtube. Haha.

LoVe~

MzP<3

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Alright, maybe it has been abit too educational. Let's have fun a little, hey?


Yes, yes, I do party quite abit in my years in Sydney. And there may or may not be rumors and things about how wild are the parties I go to. See, the reason I never wrote about them before, was to avoid misunderstandings and speculations about my life here.

So I would like to maintain that my life here in Sydney is about studying. Granted, that has gone through some ups and downs, but it's still the main thing. And my degree comes first, always.

I just know how to have fun. Winding down, getting rid of the stress, whatever you call it. I do it well :)

Oh, and just do be clear, I do not drink alcohol. Yesh, boring me not touching the stuff. And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to read further knowing my adventures are not of drunken misdeeds, foolishness and embarrassments. I warned you, my parties are not too crazy. And yet, not a BBQ with the relatives either, if you know what I mean. First of all, all of my other friends drink. And when they become crazy, I kind of join in the fun too. You know, I just usually am of sound mind and know when to stop. Boriiing. LOL.


I don't really hangout with Malaysians though. A few, yes, but usually not. Why not? Well, because I have experience with the crowd, they judge and then they gossip. I've got enough after high school experience to know this. And perhaps I'm being unfair, putting them all in one basket, but see, I've got to choose, they make me choose. It's either them or the rest of the community. I wish they'd join me sometimes.



So yes, some of the best and memorable parties I've had. Man, they're good. Not because of the wildness. I'll put in some wildness, but not too much, alright?

It's much better to face these kinds of things

with a sense of poise and rationality

Number one on list: There was this Halloween cruise in 2009 by MUV that I went to. Dressed up as a Catwoman (with a WHIP!! :P). As in, Halle Berry Catwoman. The cruise was so-so. Whatever. But after the cruise, a bunch of guys were talking about an afterparty. Deepak told me to come, with Joe and them. So I went. Night was still young, really.

What we did was, we walked around looking for a liquor store, then went back to an apartment of a guy named Armin (Dude, first time I met the guy. And to this day, I don't know where he's from!) He has one of those apartments with big, superhuge windows and killer views of the harbour. So we put on music, turned lights down, and did stupid stuff like play Guitar Hero and sing at the top of our voices and jump around and give massages (in our Halloween costumes! LOL). I think there was around 20 of us or so. Including a few German girls. Guess we got bored, when someone, (might or might not be Joe), suggested we move the party somewhere. Somewhere with an even better view. So they packed up their beers and we took the elevator to a higher floor, and snuck into the pool area. By this, I mean we climbed over the gate, costumes and all!

The view from the balcony, (and I kid you not) was the Opera House on the right, and the Harbor Bridge on the left. It was epic! We took like a million photos. They drank their beers. We didn't touch the pool, until Ali, big guy, proceeded to pick me up and toss me into the pool, costume and all. Cold water! That was the cue. Everyone else took off their clothes (in underwear: don't go imagining stuff here!) and went into the big warm sauna... with their beers... in direct view of the security cameras. 

Security came in after around 30 mins, to kick us out. But then they made a deal. He said, they saw how many of us were in the pool, so they'll open the bar for us. This was at 2am in the morning! So, excitedly, we got out, dried off (I had to borrow Armin's GF's clothes because mine was drenched), and went to the fancy bar. They were drinking shots and all those stuff.

But of course, no party is ever complete without a big McDonald's meal. After hours at the bar, playing drinking games, and millions of shots later, we all walked to Macca's (me with my whip, of course) and got ourselves really good food. Man, to this day, I'd say they were the best fries I'd ever tasted.

See, not too crazy right? Wait for it.

This calls for a toast, so pour the champagne!

Next party is coming up. Will write later.

LoVe~

MzP<3

Heal the World

Dude.

Good news, depression over!!! I don't know, just woke up one morning feeling pretty happy and glowing all over. Which doesn't make sense since my problems now are more than ever. But yeah. (Perhaps there's a problem right there that I should check out. Too weird.)

So today I had the best vegetarian meal EVER. San is doing lent, so she doesn't eat meat (on weekdays only, but don't ask me why), so we eat vegetarian stuff. And today she cooked Red Bean Chilli with rice, and it's soooooo good.

I also made scones today. Cute little ones in shapes. Alright, I was kinda bored... And craving scones. They turned out nice and soft... Guess I did something right. :)

My appetite returned, too. I've been eating like a pig lately!

So. Wanna learn something?

I was reading about the Gaia Hypothesis the other day (Pay attention, this is the 'theory' applied to the movie Avatar, you know). If you're familiar with Greek mythology, you'd know that Gaia is mother earth. She pretty much is the mother to all of the Greek Gods. So that's where the name of theory came from. A guy called Lovelock came up with the hypothesis and wrote a book on it back in the 70's (I think).

Basically, the theory is that the Earth, and everything in it, is one large organism. Like, the only reason the Earth supports life (as opposed to other planets), is because the life on it actually supports each other, and made the Earth a livable place. In the book Lovelock wrote, he put across studies and data that actually shows that the Earth should be a very unstable planet. The gas combination, for example, could actually be quite an impossible combination in itself. But somehow, it works, because of all of Earth's content working together, complimenting each other. Kind of like an equilibrium. One of the evidence is that although the heat from the sun increases with time, the overall temperature of Earth stays more or less constant since the Earth first exists. Interesting huh? He made a model called 'Daisyworld' to show what he meant. Read about it, very interesting!

Of course there are lots of arguments against the theory. As of course, there should be. One of the arguments would be on the definition of an 'organism', which really, is not quite confirmed over the years.

Either way, one thing we should remember is that we are all part of an organism. Like an organ in a person's body that does certain work. There would be, and should be a purpose we are here, just like every other organ that exists. The Gaia hypothesis actually states that any living organism on Earth that helps in the Earth's survival is more likely to survive than organisms that destroys the environment.

And to think that humans are cocky enough to think we, the homo sapiens, would survive forever just because we are 'cleverer' than animals or plants. Dude. Open your eyes. Our species are are still young, relatively. Don't be stupid enough to think the Earth won't someday wipe us out just because we don't know how to keep the equilibrium going. I personally think it's not impossible. With all these diseases and disasters going on, would it not seem to you that some warning is on us already?


And after that, I came across the PETM. PETM stands for Paleocene-Eocene Thermal Maximum.The PETM is a period wayyy back 50 million years ago or so, when the Earth went through really bad global warming (a sudden rapid rise in temperature), hence 'Thermal Maximum'. It affected most things on Earth, like the ecosystem. Alot of theories are proposed as to why it happened. Maybe a few big volcanoes erupting all at once (which produces a huge amount of CO2)? Maybe a few big meteors hit Earth? Gosh, no one really knows for sure. Important thing is, it is not impossible that Earth could go through massive global warming. Happened once, could happen again right?

So what happened was that the Earth healed itself within some thousands of years. (It's considered to be a relatively short period of time, really compared to how long carbon stays in the modern atmosphere) Back to equilibrium. Great right? Yep sure. Awesome, I'd say. Only thing is, if the same thing happens to us now, it is very very doubtful that the Earth would heal itself within the same time frame. (Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes, not too long until some Hollywood person makes a movie out of this, I'm sure.) And I'm pretty sure the overly 'clever' human beings are not genetically able to adapt to such situations in such a short period. We are a young species after all.

But on another note, it is said most mammals evolved as a result of this PETM (Well, to be fair, some thousands of years after it, but you know, close enough). Poetic ain't it if what creates us would be same thing that destroys us?


My little conclusion would be that evidence points out that if we want our species to survive, we better start supporting the environment rather than destroy it. If not, we're looking at only a few million years on this Earth, which is super short, barely a blip in the universe. And that is of our entire species. Dude!

After all, who'd want an organ that destroys us rather than help us function? Not me!

So in Micheal Jackson's words, Heal the World!!

And The Dream We Were Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep Strangling Life
Wound This Earth, Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

LoVe~
MzP<3

Kaleidoscope

Yes, I have not blogged in awhile. It's the internet problem I mentioned before. It sucks.

Although, I've also been seeking refuge in my diary alot more than in my blog these days. Not because of the privacy, really, but more because... there's something in writing with a pen on nice crisp paper, than typing away on the computer. It just is not too conducive as a creative outlet, you know?

It really has been only 6 weeks or so since I wrote the last blog post. Still, quite abit has changed. For starters, we're moving out soon. Out of Lane Cove : ( We didn't really have a choice though.



And something totally funny: I already have a wedding date. Yes, I do. And, well, my whole wedding is planned out, right down to the flowers, and the colour of my dress (Which in my culture, is not traditionally white). The venue is pretty much decided too. Yay me.

Wanna know the funny thing though? In that beautiful, gorgeous big wedding planned out, there is no groom. As in, I don't even have a prospective husband in sight yet. Not even a... wait for it... boyfriend. Welcome to my life! Minor detail right? LOL

Just wish me luck for my impending wedding date: I'm going to need it! Oh don't worry, it's not till next year. (OK, I do realise that's fairly soon, but let's pretend it's not that bad. You know how 1 month before an exam still feel ages away? Yes, and I do realise I just compared my marriage to an exam. Ergh, kill me now.)




You know what has been driving me crazy?? Whenever I go back home, people keep on asking me whether I have a mat salleh (or white) boyfriend. Like, seriously. What is the big deal with white people? They're normal people, like the rest of us. I mean, if you stayed here for abit, you'd realise not all white Australians look like Hugh Jackman, or Sam Worthington,or Ryan Kwanten. And the ones that do, may not even be worth fighting for.

Also, not being racist or anything, I am just not attracted to white men. If he has blond hair, even less so. I'm just one of those 'Tall, dark and handsome' kind of girl. And when I tell my friends I'm not attracted to white guys, they'd automatically think I only date Malays. See, in this world, there are more than just Malay guys and white guys. And if I don't prefer white guys, doesn't mean I don't prefer any other men in the world. Like Latinos, and blacks and middle easterns. Man, they hot.

OK, it's not like I don't like Malay men. The guy I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with is probably (and preferably) Malay. And I'm more than alright with that.

Although what's worrying is what San said. She said that she has seen alot of pretty Malay girls, but never actually met a good-looking Malay guy. She also said the only Malay guy she knew that was good-looking was mixed (a white parent). The thing is, I did try to prove her wrong... but given my history of ex-boyfriends, I don't have much to say there (Really, one of them's an actor, and even he is not all that good-looking). Then I tried to think of the best place to find handsome guys: celebrities (you know, movie stars and models), and I can't think of one that is truly good-looking. I mean, Hans Isaac is not exactly Malay, is he? And yeah, the rest are mixed.

Oh it hits me now. THAT'S why you guys are so obsessed with white people: because really, the Malays we know that are very good-looking, they're all mixed (probably with white, right?). Ergh.

Seriously, help me prove San wrong, will ya? And give me a name of a Malay guy that is very good-looking. Someone not mixed, please?


And really my friends, alot of people worldwide do think Malay girls are gorgeous. I have friends who talk about their friends' Malay girlfriends with envy, no joke. So seriously, if that boyfriend of yours don't appreciate you, guess what? There are plenty more fish in the sea. Or across the seas. :)

So why am I so intent on having my 'Happily Ever After' with a Malay guy, then? That's easy. Because essentially who they are, and what's in their hearts, appeal to me more than their looks. Also generally, culture-wise, I know I'll be alot more comfortable with a Malay guy. Still not being racist or anything, promise!


I do realise this post could be interpreted differently than what I intend it to. I seriously do not mean to cause any harm, or to insult anyone in particular. Or even any race in particular. Especially white guys... Really, I don't see anything wrong with them, the heart just wants what it wants OK? Haha. And saying that, I have gone out with dates with some of them, just never interested in going past that.

I guess what I have to say (although it's seriously concealed) is that it doesn't really matter if I ultimately have a white boyfriend, or a Malay boyfriend, or a Latino boyfriend, or a black boyfriend. What really matters is what's in their hearts, and who they are as a person right? Gosh, now I sound preachy. Whatever. As long as you don't think I'm inferior to the girl who does have a white BF. It's a choice, people. Really.

LoVe~

MzP<3

What's My Age Again?

Nobody likes you when you're 23

And you still act like you're in freshman year

What the hell is wrong with me?

My friends say I should act my age

What's my age again?

Oh our place in Lane Cove is wonderful... Just wonderful!

Alright, I haven't blogged because we still don't have internet yet. And it sucks!!! Problem with our telephone wiring :-(

So anyways! I am back in Sydney, doing Summer school, having a nice time. I'm living with San now, and have I told you our place is awesome? Haha. We cook dinner, and hangout. I don't have to walk 10 mins to see her anymore. Heeee.

And yes, my birthday has passed. Oh, that wasn't so nice anymore. I guess you get to a certain age where you wouldn't want to celebrate being another year older anymore... And I'm there. *Shudder*

And the New Year came in wonderfully. And did you know 2011 will be the year of the Rabbit? Yep, it's my year! All I know is, the year of the Tiger is almost over, and I can finally breathe. That was an awful year.

Oh and what of my resolution(s)? Let's say I get to keep some, and broke some. But oh well. That's life. But mostly I got to last 6 months at least! And that's quite an achievement on my part.

Let's see...

"I will try to date a guy that my mom approves of. Which is hard, and almost impossible, but I will try really hard." FAIL!

"I will continue to resist alcohol. I will not drink. I will not taste it. And I will not be convinced by my friends to have some." WIN! but I did accidentally drink some.. but it doesn't count!

"I will study. Extremely hard to do, but I will. From week 1." FAIL!

"I will get a job. Something good, since it's my last year in uni, I can get something pretty good. I hope." FAIL! but I did do volunteer work.

"(This resolution is not written here because it's private and personal, but don't worry, it's something good. And Dee, don't laugh!!!)" FAIL!

"I will organize a big reunion. Honestly, I have no idea how I'm going to do this, but I am." WIN!

"I'm going to lose at least 3 kg, and maintain that weight! Which means, continue exercising. And go on healthy diets. No more crash diets." WIN! for most part of the year anyways. Maybe not 3 kg...

"I'm going to continue being a vegetarian. Super challenging, but obtainable. (I will not be a vegetarian if it results in wastage, since I'm doing it for the environment anyway)" FAIL! Lasted for 6 months though.

"I'm going to party less. I'm not 21 anymore. Got to be more responsible." HAHAHAHA. (Really, you have to ask?)


Yeah, I failed most of them. HAHA. Oh well. I can't believe I wanted to party less. That's just inconceivable.

This year, I just have one resolution: To have FUN!!! And do stuff in my bucket list. (Yes, I'm having a quarter life crisis)

OK, and maybe fall in love... Maybe.

And trust me, It's going to be EPIC.

No one should take themselves so seriously

With many years to fall in line

Why would you wish that on me?

I never want to act my age

What's my age again?

What's my age again?

LoVe~

MzP<3 

Semi Charmed Life

I am in KL, in Coffee Bean at the moment.

Ahhh... This is the life...

...Or so would be the line in my thoughts usually. But not today. Today, or this time, is different. I do not enjoy this late night rendezvous as much as I would have, ordinarily. After all what's the second thing you miss about KL, after the food? Late night hangouts, right? Like, I would never get to do this in Sydney. Well, by 'this' I mean sitting in a place that's not a bar, with a friend, on a weeknight.


So why am I not content here anymore? I don't know, really. Perhaps it's because Sydney has came to be my home more than I would like to admit. Don't get me wrong, I love Sydney. Like, LOVE. But I didn't come from there. I didn't grow up there. So why the hell am I more comfortable there? It's not supposed to happen.

You know what made me realise this? When I started enjoying salty popcorn more than sweet ones at the cinema. I mean, really. And I hated salty popcorn!! What's wrong with me. I reckon it's the ultimate sign that Sydney is taking over. Oh no!


And as per, I don't have friends in Malaysia. It's something that's proven again and again. Gosh, what's with these people and their problem with keeping in touch? And I thought I was bad. Oh well, I don't care too much. It's quite abit refreshing going to the gym and not knowing three quarters of the people, and the staff too. At least I know I won't run into an ex-boyfriend. Or an ex-crush. Or worse, an ex-hook up (Not that it happens alot 0:) )

Alright, maybe I should update on my life, and not just display stupid random thoughts.

I just got a new phone!! Yes, finally. It's a super cool Windows Phone 7. Yeah, before you say anything bad about it, I'll say I love it and do not believe every bad review you read. It's no Android, I know. But it trumps the iPhone and Blackberry anyday. Hah.

I'm reading The Last Symbol by Dan Brown. Yeah, I just started. I know it came out ages ago. But I was too busy reading classics. They're wayyy awesome.

Ummm... I am kind of, sort of seeing someone. *Blushes* See, it's just starting. And it's not serious. And I haven't really told anyone yet, because it may not work out. But yeah, I am being monogamous (Or trying really hard to be), because I want to actually try to make it work. Which means I don't want to be the one who screws it up. Who is he? That's a secret I'll never tell. Or at least not until I'm ready to. As usual, my fear of commitment is eating me up. Ergh.

I've put on weight. Blame it on the food. As we all know, Malaysian food is soooooo good! And I can't stop eating! Even an everyday workout at the gym doesn't help. :-S But I do appreciate it if you don't comment about my weight the next time you see me. Thank you! Oh don't worry, I'll lose it all in a week when I go back to Sydney.

My results. Oh yes, I haven't been telling anyone about it, because I expected better. But oh well, there's always next semester right? I got Credit for all subjects. Nothing to show off for. Like I said, I expected better.

Oh, and I just got back from PD. Spontaneously decided to go literally an hour before, on Saturday, right after the gym. Packed my bags, and off I went for the weekend. Had fun! Just got back yesterday. Will do it again!!

AND I'm going to Singapore soon. Yay me!

Finally, I have officially moved out of the Village. Staying off campus next semester. Sandrine found a place for us, and I can't wait to start living there. So come visit us some time. :-)


So yeah, that's pretty much it. Not much else. Like I said, I'm in KL now. Call/FB/SMS/MSN/Skype me if you wanna hangout before I go back to Sydney.

Still living life like it means everything and nothing at the same time. :-)



I believe in the sand beneath my toes,
The beach gives a feeling,
An earthy feeling,
I believe in the faith that grows,
And the four right chords can make me cry,
When I'm with you I feel like I could die.
And that would be all right,
All right

LoVe~
MzP<3

Mine

I've gotta credit this one song for making me want to be in a relationship again. You know, to fall in love and be happy together and get married and have kids.

And of course, that song is Taylor Swift's Mine. Not just the song, really. More like the video clip.




So yes, finally Zue wants a relationship again. Approaching slowly though. I know it's not easy to get rid of the fear of commitment. It'll take some time yet. AND there's the deal with finding the right guy. Sigh... So much work!

I'm not saying I'll get a boyfriend tomorrow. I'm just saying I'm ready to do the work... to make it work. So here I am saying I'm going to stop running away from something more. But what am I scared of anyways? I dunno. A million things, and nothing at the same time.


I was a flight risk... with a fear of flying
Wondering why we bother with love when it never lasts
 

Wish me luck! xoxo


LoVe~
MzP<3

It's Raining Men

Years ago, maybe 5, maybe 10, I was a little teenage girl who's really into reading those little teenage books with teenage drama. There were so many of them, and I've read so many, I can't even begin to count.

And of course, as a teenage girl, I understood. I took examples from the stories when they make sense, and I apply them to my life, when they are applicable.

So one of those books, there was this pretty teenage girl in high school. She's popular and pretty... and pretty much similar to most characters in those books. At one point, in the hundreds of books she's featured in, she had 3 guys in her life. Guy number one is a handsome blond haired quarterback who just broke up with his long term girlfriend. Guy number two is a kind hearted green eyed quarterback from another school. And guy number three is a strong-jawed, good-looking, eccentric champion swimmer who's also very smart. And of course these 3 guys are really hot, being athletic and all.

So pretty much, the story goes that she couldn't choose between them. And when it fails with one, the next guy steps in. And then, hanging with one guy, the next guy would ask her out. After which, she got upset, and she would mope around not being able to decide.

So one day, while seeing the swimmer, the nice guy asked her to accompany her to a sports award thing, so she went. There, to her surprise, all 3 guys were present, and the other two came with hot dates as well. She was a little devastated. When the smart swimmer guy, saw her looking distressed, talked to her and asked, "Who do you really want?"

She looked around the room at all the three guys, and said, "I don't know."

So this guy looked at her, gave a little amused smile, and said, "Have you ever thought of being single?"



That story, I can't get out of my head lately. That story is why I am single right now. Because frankly, I couldn't choose. I still can't. And I'm happy staying single, rather than hurt someone I don't want to, unintentionally.

What does San call them? Suitors? lol. I'd hardly think they are one of those suitors trying to win a princess's hand in marriage or anything like that. But yeah San thinks everything is a fairytale, that's why I love her. :-)


So yes, the only problem I'm having right now is, I'm still hurting some people by simply staying single. I don't understand anymore. So right now, I'm supposed to choose, or not? But what if I can't? What if I just simply don't want to?



As you guessed, the only song that fits this blog entry:

'Cos tonight for the first time
At just about half past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men

It's raining men
Hallelujah it's raining men, Amen
I'm gonna go out
I'm gonna let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet

It's raining men
Hallelujah it's raining men
Every specimen
Tall blond dark and mean
Rough and tough and strong and lean

LoVe~
MzP<3

Wow

So I met someone.


And all I can say is... Wow.



 LoVe~
MzP<3

I Love The Way You Lie

Hmm...

England just got defeated by Germany 4-1.

Australia just got a new PM. A female PM.

I just got back from Penang.

I would think these are at the top of my list of current happenings at the moment. LOL.

I miss Sydney. The weather, my friends. My life. My people. My place.

I've been single for 7 months now. Wow. Longest time ever! I'm still loving it. Every minute. But why though? I do realise that most people are scared of change. In relationships, even more so. So most single people I know, would remain single. And the people in relationships would continue seeking relationships when one fails. Unless there is a traumatising experience in there somewhere. Then they change.

I wonder why sometimes. I wonder why I'm sooo far removed from relationships these days. I avoid it quite abit. Maybe my last few relationships had a bigger negative impact on my life than I care to admit. Yes, yes, I'm never seen as the victim. But why is it this time, I'm the one who is so scarred that I can't imagine myself in another full on long term relationship?

I do think, if I find the right guy, I would want a relationship with him. But wait, I did crush on someone, and would want a relationship with him, but in every scenario in my head, it has always been of me telling him right from the start that I don't want anything too serious. I just can't do it anymore.

When I think of relationships these days, it's of fights, and insecurity and screaming and pain and depression. While I used to not live without it, I can't imagine myself being in it anymore. I have a tendency of being in abusive relationships too. And come to think of it, eventhough I can remember my early childhood experiences, sometimes in technicolor detail, I do forget most of my years in a relationship. You know, the way your body forget certain pain just because it is too much? Maybe I just sub-consciously push it so far back in my head. Either way, who knows?

No, I do not wnat to be in a relationship now, or in the near future. But if I am, I assure you, it's because I really like that guy. Or maybe even because he's the one. No more dating just anyone. I will be sooo picky on the next person, until I find my Pegasus. And until then, I would enjoy my single life to the limit.

Or maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe it's just because I'm hanging out with Westerners alot more and I'm just absorbed into their culture.

One thing about abusive relationships though. I have seen it, and been in it. It's not pretty. I know what it feels quite well. I do thank God it never got too bad. Bad enough, though. It is painful. not so much physically, but more mentally. I have never been strong enough to leave. Instead I would start a path of self-destruction. I would probably start cheating or something like that. It's my only defense mechanism. Knowing it will hurt him someday when he finds out. Fuck, it's wrong. The most wrong thing to do in a relationship: hurting each other until finally one lets go because they've had enough. I know very well, I should just leave. But seriously, when you love someone so much that you spend most of your time with him, and planned your future with him, and stopped doing anything fun with your friends because he's not there, letting go is hard. What's a few bruises right, comparing to everything both of you has invested? And he's promised to never ever do it again. He cried. He begged. He told you he loves you and will never let you go.

And I'm speaking for all those who are or were in abusive relationships. When he begs and promises yet again, we find that tiny tiny spark of hope that it would be true this time. After all, you've never met a guy who loves you as much as he does. And then there's all that passion. If your fight is that bad, passion is high most probably everywhere else too. And how do we let go of that passion? Beats me. I still have yet to figure it out.

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that’s alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that’s alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie

LoVe~

MzP<3

Until I Find You

I just want my camera back!! 

It's a silver Lumix in a red casing.

I lost it in the Ubar on a Thursday night.

And while I'm writing about cameras,

I would also want my pink Sony Cybershot T2!

I lost it in a taxi in Dubai, way back in December.

And can I please have them with all my pictures back? They kinda mean alot to me.

So if you see anyone around uni using a silver Lumix in a red casing, or if someone is asking you for a Lumix camera battery charger, please please ask them about the camera? Thank you so so so much.

LoVe~

MzP<3

All You Need is Love

It's that time of the semester again.

You know, when the stoners put away their weed.

And the drunkards do not buy more beer.

And the party-ers stay home on Thursday, Friday AND Saturday nights.

Finals.


Honestly, no matter how bad of a reputation you have in uni, or how wild everyone perceive you to be, I'm pretty sure this is the most terrifying part of the semester for you. It's like life halts to a stop. When the nerds become nerdier. And the rest just shake in fear, and wish they were nerds in the first place.

It's the time Gavin does not come out of his room. At all. Not even to go to the gym. O.O

And for me?

I'm the one in denial. While everyone else is in the library the whole day and camping outside at nights (to ensure they get seats in the morning), I'm at home. Sleeping. For some reason, I don't freak out. Nono, not because I'm prepared. (Helloooo, have you seen my partying pics on FB?) And not because it doesn't matter to me either. It's just... I don't know. It's like I have some kind of freedom from worry or something. Which is bad!

Right now, it's almost 5am. I'm not sleeping yet. Because I couldn't sleep, not because I was studying. And it's annoying. My insomnia this past few months has been horrifying. Falling asleep takes forever. And if I fall asleep too easily, it can be guaranteed I'll wake up 2 hours later, not being able to fall back asleep until, say 7am. It's just annoying.

I never study anyway. It's like this thing. My thing. I don't always get away with it. And when I don't, it's just disastrous. But see, I get away with it too many times. Back in boarding school, after I get my results, my friends usually say, "Wow, I never see you study!!"

It's a blessing I guess. And a curse as well. Because I get very much broken when things go wrong as a result of it. So yeah, you might be thinking, wow, if I don't study my results are still alright, I would get amazing results if I DO study. Nope, not the case. You know the saying that goes, you only need 10% of your effort to reach 90%, but you'll need the 90% to reach the next 10%. Or something like that. That's just the thing. I only put 10% in everything. Because 90% is good for me. Hell, it's amazing. LOL. Just kidding.

Actually, I would put it on luck. I am a lucky person, enough said. The little I do remember from classes would get tested in exams. I would win small prizes in scratchies. I would be arranged to sit the same table with my crush at a big formal dinner. My chances to win in a bet are high. Just lucky. Granted, the rain does not stop for me. And there are days when everything goes wrong. But I go through months or years where the good things far outweigh the bad. No, life is not easy, I give you that. I'd say, it is overall, pleasant.

Only one thing though. I cannot do something wrong. Which means that, every single time I do wrong - say, deliberately lie to bring someone down, or maybe steal, or cheat on exams, or just hide something I shouldn't, or not listen to my mom - I would get punished for it, pretty bad. Not that I would do any of the above mentioned anyway. :P

However 2010 has not been one of those exceptionally lucky years. I have to work for my luck abit more. So yeah, I'd better sleep now so I can study tomorrow. Wish me luck!


By the way, San and I signed up to volunteer for Daffodil Day on the 27th of August. We will be in Mac Centre from 9-5 spreading awareness of cancer, and selling stuff you can buy to donate a lil' for the cause. Check it out here: http://www.daffodilday.com.au/ I will see you there!!

There's nothing you can make that can't be made.

No one you can save that can't be saved.

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you

in time - It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

LoVe~

MzP<3

Magnificent Beauty

My favourite colour is pretty much common knowledge. If you didn't know let me give you a hint:

http://fuckyeahpink.tumblr.com/

But I'll bet you did not know my other favourite things. Like my second favourite colour (that's a hard one to guess, really). Or my favourite flower. Or my favourite song of all time. Or my favourite word. Or just my favourite food?

I'll tell you one thing then. No, I'll show you.

My favourite flower:

The Calla Lily. In my opinion, the most beautiful flower ever. It's beauty is in its simplicity. In its pureness. Its curve. I love it. It is also, unfortunately, pretty hard to get. Also pretty expensive.

Surprisingly my favourite flower is not the extravagant rose. Or maybe something sweet like daisies. But calla lilies attract me so much.

You know how roses have thorns? Bet you didn't know that calla lilies are poisonous. No, not just their stems, like roses, but every part of the plant. Yes including the flowers. And somehow that attracts me more. Knowing they are dangerous in all their simple beauty. And we're not talking a prick on a finger either. Poison.

And this I just found out. Their scientific name is Zantedeschia. Yes, it starts with a Z. My initial. How awesome is that?

The flower itself means 'magnificent beauty'.

*sigh*

LoVe~

MzP<3

Airplanes

Today will be a pretty good day. Tomorrow would be great! Actually this is a pretty awesome weekend when I think about it.

On thing to celebrate: My luck has returned!!!!!!!!! OMG this is by far the best news in a looooong time. Oh, don't worry, I didn't have to kiss anyone to get it back.

Although things are still not as good as I would like it to be, it's turning around. I am a lot more happier. I am  a LOT more healthier, that's for sure. And my depression is gone!

Turns out one of the BEST cure for depression I've ever come across, is to lose myself in pretty pictures. You know, pictures of things that are so pretty they make your hair rise and your toes curl. They make you forget about everything else for a moment, and truly make you believe the world is such a beautiful place that anything bad does not exist. (Or even if they do exist, they're not as bad anymore)

Try it: So Very Pretty!

I've spent hours and hours on the site, and every time, I'm transported to a place so beautiful I don't want to get out. I tell you (eventhough it sounds wayyy cliched) that everytime on the site, I thank God for every bad thing, and everything I had suffered for, because it makes me appreciate the world's beauty that much more. Love!!


Speaking of all this love and happiness and fairytale stuff, I wonder...


Sorry, that was just a moment. Moving on.

OMG I'm going to Melbourne right after my exams. No, we're not talking a week after. No, we're not talking a few days after. No, we're not even talking the next day. We're talking the same day my exam ends! No kidding. And soon after arriving, first destination: clubs!! We're talking, arrive, get picked up, and go clubs. Yes, we're awesome like that. Haha.

And then, get back to Sydney, and flyyy back to Malaysia the day after. Yay! Gosh, I love airplanes and flights and airports. I like all about them. Their smell, and the lighting and all the people in colourful uniforms. I even don't mind airplane food. What can I say, I grew up with them. Traveling has become a part of me over the years. For me, it's always the promise of it all. When you pack, and get ready, and get out of the house. When you get to the airport, you feel it. The anticipation. The promise of adventures or very familiar sights. Just knowing that when you get out of that plane, you're somewhere else entirely. It's the promise of people waiting for me.I would be alright if my job gets me to travel everyday. In fact I would love that.



And for the last thing I saved... my confession. I am having a crush on someone. Yes, someone. And that's all you're getting from me. But I could really use a wish right now. And this year, I just have 2 wishes: to graduate with good results. And him.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky

Are like shooting stars?

I could really use a wish right now.

Wish right now.

Wish right now...

LoVe~

MzP<3

TiK ToK

Today a guy told me: I broke up with my girlfriend last week. And then I realized I'd rather be with you than her.

Well. Why would someone put that much pressure on you? It's so hard for me when it comes to that.

Is he hot? Yeah, considerably. Is he fun? I would say so. So what's the problem? Problem is, he's a friend. I do not go out with friends. I can't like them.



So far 2010 has been good. More toned down, as in less partying. Less stupid young stuff. But it's been awesome all the same. And the big thing is, I've kept some of my New Year's resolutions. It's May, impressive right? I am proud of myself. Hehe.

The best part of it all? I am happy. Right now I would say I'm pretty depressed. But it's the happiest depressed state I've ever been in. Being happy even when depressed. Wow. Life must be good ey? Haha.

Bad news: My housemates are all boys now. Ugh.

Good news: Like a million friends!!

Life is moving on. I am truly happy, happier than I've ever been in a loooong time. I've been single for 7 months now... and loving it! I'm doing so good in uni, they claim I'm sleeping with the lecturer ;) Well, I won't admit I'm a nerd!! I've gone on adventures. Plenty spontaneous ones. Plenty awesome friends too! And yet time moves on, and moves and moves. Trust me this is going to be legendary!

My only regret is that I haven't been hanging out more with my Malaysian friends. Just, you know, not feeling it since most of them has left. I should try harder though. Circumstances don't allow it too much, but.

Signing out, loving life. As laid back, adventurous, crazy and spontaneous as it is. I wouldn't give it up for the world!

So sue me.

Now, the party don't start 'til I walk in

Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no

LoVe~
MzP<3

Robot-ic

 

LoVe~
MzP<3

Guy on TV

I wish for you on a falling star

Wondering where you are

Do I ever cross your mind

In the warm sunshine

He's from the city of angels

Like Betty Davis, James Dean and Gable

Never know what he means to me

I fell for the guy that's on TV

Who is Your Ideal TV Boyfriend?

Heee. I did this quiz thingy and I got Michael Scofield. Seriously, he does sound very much like my ideal guy... But I don't watch Prison Break. Maybe I should start!

LoVe~

MzP<3